OMG... I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE but...
I don't have friends nor family in my city... Therefore I am so distant from all my old friends by now, and anyway nobody would really understand what I'm going through other than YOU GUYS..!!!!
Well... I wrote in another post "He didn't ask 4 my opinion", how my husband didn't tell me about an emal the BM sent asking to sort some school pics out, she literally said "I wanna have a sit down..." and he told her to come on Sunday... and he didn't even ask for my opinion... well, I addressed this issue with him, because 2 days passed by and he didn't even mention it... and he agreed with me, so he went ahead and sent her an email saying that it was better for him to just give her the half of the pics, and a "meeting" wasn't necessary and that I didn't feel comfortable... (in the email she first asked that if i was uncomfortable he could go over there)... but then she FLIPPED OUT...!!! she kept asking why wasn't she welcome here, that what was my problem, BLAH BLAH... she kept... and kept... and KEPT going... I mean... have some self respect, if I were her I wouldn't try to beg for an explanation as to why someone doesn't want me in their house... JESUS CHRIST!!!!...
And I even told my husband that if it was a major issue, that needed to be discussed, fine, she can come in and we can sit and talk about it... but to sort fuckn school pictures out? PLEASE!!! and also, my husband paid $100 bucks online for the pics, and she is supposed to give him the $50 bucks of her part, so he obviously gets to choose first, because she didn't have money...
Well that turned into a MAJOR phone argument... all three of us involved... she kept asking why wasn't she welcome in the house in which her child (SD4) lives... and i was like, if she wants to see where she sleeps or something, that is cool, but a fuckn meeting to start cutting pictures and dividing them is just ridiculous!
She was comparing their (her and her boyfriend whom she lives with) situation and saying that he (DH) is welcome over there whenever he feels he needs to do/say something about their daughter... but... Of course she doesn't understand anything, she lives with her childless boyfriend...! and when my husband mentioned to her that she is in a different situation because he doesn't have "extra baggage" her dumb ass said: YES I DO, he has a friend that hates me!... I'm like HUH???????
YEAH... when your boyfriend's friend hates you and when you have to deal with a stepchild and biomom.. it is JUST THE EXACT SAME THING!!!! ... that's what I call lack of empathy right there...
She even said that if she is not welcome here then her child doesn't need to be here.. (which is almost impossible, they have joint custody (were never married) and she is broke as hell, he pays for everything for her and she doesn't even have a room over there...) ANYWAY!!!!!!!!
SD4 has been a lil bit disrespectufl to me lately and she (BM) told DH that SD4 told her that it was because when we argue (DH and I) she gets mad at me cuz I'm arguing with her "daddy". And obviously she doesn't care/know about who is right or wrong... she just sees me fighting with her sacred daddy... Are you freaking kidding me?
Anyway... is not just that I don't like the BM because she was with him... I have divided my reasons of why I don't like her...
1) Before I got married she talked shit about how young I was, that my husband(29) was marrying a kid (19), but yet I have shown to be FAAAAAAAAaarrrr more responsible than her(25)... in every sense of the word
2) She mentioned that since I am from another country I don't count in court as "his wife" (ain't that the supidest thing ever)
3)She didn't want her child with me because for her I was incompetent... or whatever... but yet, I found myself having the majority of the responsibility with this child, and again, I have taken care of that child better than her...
4)She is not the most friendly person around...
5) I forgot, before we got married she also told my husband that I probably wanted to marry him because of my residence (I was here for college with a student Visa) which was NOT TRUE... and obviously proved her wrong...
6) She claimed that I wasn't "washing" her daughter's private part correctly, which was bull.S because I was doing it just fine and like twice a day, and she was the one who spent 36 hours without bathing her nor changing her underwear for NO APPARENT FUCKN REASON...
I also can't wait for this child to go to Kindergarten, I got stuck with the dropping her off and picking her up from her PreK...
Alright so I live like 15 minutes (driving) away from the school, and PreK is from 9 to 12, so I have to wake up early, get her ready, get my BS1 ready, get myself ready and leave to school, and the same thing just 3 hours after that!!! so if you put it together... I spend 15 mints getting there, 15 coming back... which is 30 minutes, if you do that twice, is an hour!!!! an hour driving just so she can be 3 fuckin hours in school...
Her mother lives literally like 2 1/2 MINUTES away from her school, and she complains that she doesn't want to drive all the way over here, to take her to her school (she doesn't have a room over there) anyway... its kind of confusing I know...
My husband appreciates me but... right now I feel like SH!T !!!!!!!!! she tries to make him feel bad like "you are SD4's dad you gotta take more responsibility blah blah..." GRRRRRRRRRRRR
And she keeps comparing how her boyfriend is different than me, that he doesn't act like me blah blah blah... OF COURSE... all he has to do in SD4's life is say hi and bye, have a conversation with her every once in a while... whereas I have to take her/pick her up from school, bathe her, cook for her, do everything for her actually.... oh yeah... her boyfriend has it so fuckn hard...
I know is just a lot of thoughts together, not well organized I just needed to VENT or else....
Honey, there's no reason for her to be in your home
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
None what so ever. If she owes him $50 for the pics, she can put it in the mail.
This is garbage, pure and simple. Who cares whether she likes it or not? Who cares what her opinon is? Flat out, she doesn't matter. It's plain stupid to have to divide out pictures, anyway. She can send you the money, you can send her the photos-or send them with the kid when the kid goes to visit her.
Don't be railroaded. It's your home, and you decide who comes in it.
Yeah...!!
I'm very glad that DH stood up and he got 100% on my side, he kept telling her that I'm *HIS* wife and that I choose who enters my house... as simple as that, he kept saying that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of having her here... and interestingly enough she... K E P T fuckn going... asking WHY wasn't she welcome... it was like trying to explain things to a fuckn turtle... seriously...
G
B
B
wow their children are his enemies!!!!
G
Gia
Gia my love, NOW you see what others were eluding to in your other post. It was the fact that BMs usually rear their ugly heads and cause all kinds of problems. You just have to set your rules/boundaries. Stand your ground and not let her intimidate you. It is good that DH supports you because a lot of women in this situation do not have that support. He at least considers your feelsings. Some DHs would have said you were overreacting and continued with the picture sorting meeting. Which to me IS a bunch of BS. I agree, who needs to schedule a meeting to sort pictures? You schedule a meeting because of CS, Mediation, school problems, etcs. but pictures? Pffffft. Sounds like BM wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to have the freedom of not being responsible for SD, but the ability to drop in at a whim for nonsensical sh#t. That is how mine is and I say over my dead body. But then she keeps telling everyone that I am sick and dying...
Set your boundaries. Do not let her make you feel bad. DH appreciates your efforts. BM never will so don't expect it. SD will give you hell for the sake of it. Hopefully one day she will see and know better. Hang in there.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I agree that you need to set boundaries
I told my FH that under no circumstances do I want BM or her intrusive, aggressive family in our house. It was my house until he moved in and I feel that I have the right to feel comfortable and happy in my own home. I feel it is a big step to have a child who is not yours in your home but I am actually very happy about that. SD7 is great so far (although after this summer I may feel differently). I can already see the BM's parents wanting to visit SD7 this summer while she is with us and while I understand that, they don't need to step foot in our house. Neutral locations, meeting half way, etc but these people knew too much about me and the area I live in before even speaking to me anyway! Creepy!
I am a somewhat private person and I completely understand your need for privacy in your own home. My guess is that she is testing you to see how far she can get......it's all about control with BMs.
FYI- Principlist, I loved your quote! So true!
Oh baby let me tell you....
Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.
BM took it upon herself to come into my ouse when I wasn't home-she searched through my bedroom and everything!!! I knew because her dumb ass left all the light in my house on when she left. So I asked one of the boys-"dude did you leave all the house lights on? Yeah, probably-sorry. Well, what were you guys doing in my bedroom, cause that light was on too? Oh that was probably my mom when she went in there. So I said-ok no problem, just make sure when you guys leave that you turn the lights off so we don't run up the bill.
Always keep it cool when the kids are there-ALWAYS. But, when they aren't-oooohhhh I let that bitch have it. She tried to tell me she never goes in my house, she waits in the driveway when getting the kids bla blah blah blah-I told her exactly what happened and that she needed to keep her nosey ass out of my room. I have nothing to hide, so I honestly don't give a shit, but get the hell outta my room bitch! I don't even let the kids in there when I'm gone.
So then, about a month later, my 12 year old was home by himself for a few hours and she came in with the boys cause they needed clothes for the weekend (she doesn't do laundry). Too funny, she comes in and is lookig through all the kitchen drawers (for what?) and my 12 yr old casually walks out into the kitchen and says, "Hey (her name), how's it goin?" She bout shit herself from what he tells me. Now, she won't eve come in the house unless I prompt her to(which I like to do cause I know she's uncomfortable). She will also knock and take a step back-ha ha ha ha ha-too funny!
In your case, it is entirely up to you. I try to make the kids feel like we all get along, so when I go to get them from her house and they're not ready, I don't wait outside...I step right into her house knowing she doesn't want me there. And I make her engage in small talk. The kids see that we can be in the same room that way. And when she's here waiting for them, I say "you can come in, you don't have to wait outside" then she looks like the idiot, not me. Recemntly she's been texting the kids when she gets here and not even getting out of her car. The boys asked why she does that and I said "I don't know-ask her"
The whole point of this is that the child hears and sees everything! I mean everythng! You would be astonished at wha they pick up on. So always be the good guy (no matter how bad you wanna rip her eyes out)
Sassy
You are a better woman than me. That BITCH is not allowed in my house PERIOD. SHe knows it the kids know it and everyone else knows it. She has slandered DH and I so bad. I did allow her in when we first moved into the new house because the kids were interested in showing her their rooms. She has probably been in the doorway (foyer area)on one other occasion. She is not welcome here and we no longer try to make nice for the sake of the kids. YEA, its that bad. She has done so many mean and underhanded things til it is not even funny. The rule is she is not to even be in our driveway if DH is not here. If it is just me and the kids she has to wait down the street. Really. This bitch has come to my house all argumentative wanting to fight me. I do not trust her. My skids do not have keys to our house nor do they know the code to the alarm. BM has this power over them like you would not believe. I do not trust that they would not give her the code or allow her in our home when we are not here. I don't want her evil spirit to cross my doorframe. The best part is that neither does DH. The kids have actually seen BM respond in an aggressive manner against me and say that she was wrong, but the minute poor defenseless forever the victim BM says that I was the aggressor, they turn it around on me and say that I was. Mind you BM is taller than I and outweighs me by a good 40+ lbs. I am not afraid of her, but I would never intentionally fight a grizzly bear with a snake for a head. Like really. So, for those reasons the kids have not earned 100% of our trust and BM is not welcome here.
Kudos to you for finding a workable solution. As I said before, you are definitely a better woman than I am.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I would be so freakin' furious
if BM or anyone "not authorized" to be there went in my bedroom! I do have something to hide!
Once I caught SIL and H's cousin about to walk upstairs and I said "Off limits--can't go up there" and they were like "Oh, sorry."
Okay, now I'm not saying I have some freaky S&M bedroom or anything, but my bedroom is private and I am not letting snoopy adults in there. It is unforgivable that BM did that while you weren't home. Who does she think she is? I'd be PISSED and want to STRANGLE her!! And as for SIL and cousin, they were guests in my home and where I come from you don't go walking through your host's home anywhere you please especially not in "private" areas like bedrooms. Were these people raised in a BARN?
Gia11
We have so many things in common... so so so many. I think we could help eachother out alot and be a good source for one another. Please send me a message on here.
t2yl
I also have nagging
I also have nagging tendencies and its hard to be quiet about issues that come up as I want to go on and on about them, thinking of new ideas and options, husband is not that way.
btw, concerning school pictures, we solved that problem in taking our own every year. School pics are not the best anyway. If his ex wants school pics, she can buy her own as we are now out of her evil loop of manipulation with that !
An update on this....
Well, at the end DH agreed to accept a check from her (a check from a person who is broke as hell) and when she came by, she went to get the checks from her car and came back saying "i don't have any left" :jawdrop: Of course, she had the pics already... that is just ridiculous, does he really think that she really thought she had more left?... SUREEEEEEEEEEE
G
An even bigger question
is if she is BROKE and does not have checks, does he REALLy think that she has money or will the check play a game of basketball?
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
She is broke but...
she got this "4 hours a day some weekdays" job... And her boyfriend has a fulltime job I think, but he was in chicago... oh and SD4 told us how she got her hair trimmed at the salon and how her mommy got her hair done... so she has money for these things...!!! The funny thing is that, it wasn't until now (24 hours later) that I just said to myself... oh my got... she played him AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I realized a few minutes ago... I'm so dumb, I didn't pay much attention to it.. all *WE* thought about was that she tried to make him feel bad, cuz he told her not to give him a check, and she was like, so you think that my checks are toxic or something? blah blah blah... and we were like, after all that argument about the check she didn't bother in checking the goddamn checkbook... :jawdrop: But now im like... OF COURSEEE SHEE KNEWWWWWWWWWWW... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
She borrowed like $4,000, cuz she was homeless, and he claimed he did it for his child (we were not together) blah blah... she HAS NEVER paid her monthly payments!!!!!!!!!!! as of now, (more than a year...) That's boiling my blood right now, it really is... he said, he just took the check cuz he is tired of arguing :O
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Click
DH - I feel a sit down is not necessary and you are not to come into this home. We will provide you half of the pictures when you've paid your half.
BM - Crazy temper tantrum begins... why am I not allowed in your house, why can't I see where my daughter lives, blah blah blah...
DH - Because I said so. You want to act like a 2 year old, I'll treat you like a 2 year old.
Click
Then he takes you out to a nice dinner.