So glad to find this forum
I never thought being a step mom to adult kids would be this hard.
It shouldn't be but the disrespect,entitlement,and spoiled behavior
has ruined what started out as a good relationship.
We tried to help one daughter with young grandson finish school after an abusive marriage
ended . Co- signed a loan and only asked that she keep us informed if unable to pay taxes
and not let them be delinquent. She year after year lets them go delinquent, says everything is fine and
gets mad at me when I double check, find out and go pay them. She says she had a payment plan
and that I should stay out of her business!!
I would love to but the house is now MY business and would affect my credit.
I resent that she is so unappreciative and will not do what we have asked about the taxes.
She plays dumb about it but the bill says when they are due and when they are delinquent.
I wonder about how I can let it all go so I can just enjoy my grandson. Lst time she was mad at me
we hardly saw him for 6 months. I should be able to tell myself she will always be like she is
and just let it go. Trying to reason with her is impossible. I am used to people that you can say
"that sorta bothered me and this is why " and talk things out. She is the raging,hysterical,bully,
pouting type and we have never had a normal conflict sharing talk. I know it is her because
all my life I have been able to calmly discuss anything with anybody(even my cheating ex)
Obviously I needed to vent!!
I am working on just realizing she has this shortcoming and setting boundaries and letting the rest go.
We are trying to get off her loans so her horrible financial habits affect her and not us.
If you ever consider cosigning anything..don't!! If you still think you should ask yourself if this person
makes good financial decisions. Chances are they need help because they don't and that won't change.
yikes
And I thought dealing with a 6 year old ss was hard! I think you are doing the right thing about getting yourself separated from her financial issues. That will definitely ease the stress and make it less personal for you. Once that happens I bet you will both be a bit more calm when you're around each other. It's awful that she withold your grandson when she's upset, it sounds like you and your husband really need to re-adjust your role in her life - meaning take a BIG step back. I know family is supposed to help each other out, but I think your situation has proven that it's not working for any of you, I bet your sd would also agree.
I deal with a while different set of issues, obviously, with a 6 year old ss, but I think the thing we have in common is that we both need to disengage a bit, step back, let our husbands carry some of this burden and not let this role RULE our lives. I am trying to focus more on myself and my husband and less on whether or not my ss6 is acting up at school and eating all his dinner...so far it feels pretty good.
GOOD LUCK!
You'll find LOTS of support here!
LOTS of varied adult stepchildren issues....I have 3 adult SDs who really don't bother us for $$ (My H is way to "tight" to really help them out; if anything, I HAVE been the generous one with money.) My SDs are more "out of control" regarding behavior....although they are adults, they tend to act like bratty "little girls", and I haven't dealt to well with that.
Fortunately, when I joined this site last May/June, I found SO MUCH SUPPORT that I just lay the law down. NO MORE craziness or I am GONE. No more "daddy daddy" calls at all hours, no more excluding ME from events because they don't want "daddy" to be with another girl, etc. (Again, these "girls" are pushing 30!!)
You will absolutely get lots of help in detaching here...just let her solve HER PROBLEMS...if she can't pay the loan, then maybe you should sell the property. She should be GRATEFUL to you for all of your help/support...but, she knows you are there UNCONDITIONALLY NOW, so she is going to treat you like CRAP because, well, you are TAKING IT. Once you set FIRM BOUNDARIES, she will have NO CHOICE but to play by YOUR RULES or sleep in the bed she made. (If she is so irresponsible, she may also lose her son if you/dad decided to pursue custody).
Hang in there. You deserve to have PEACE in your life, and you WILL find ways to not this "girl" run your life. I promise!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt
Welcome
I have already made Dh swear in blood he will never co-sign any loans for SD! just because of things like this. I am sorry you are getting stuck. Once this loan is up please never do that again. She sounds like she doesn't have her act together and it annoys her to have you notice that, but there is no cure for that except to leave her to solve her own problems, once you can.
Glad you found us, it helps just knowing we are not alone
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Me too
Me too on finding this forum - it is what I have been searching for. I need friends that understand so that we may lean on each other, but right now I need to do a lot of leaning.
Where do I begin?
Kelly88 - I feel your pain. Also I thought adult step children would be so much easier.
I have three step, two is his step that he raised, but the problem sd, 34 yrs, is his "only biological daughter." That is "her" quote only. The other two step are wonderful and my two daughters have the correct attitude, if Mama is happy that is all that matters. They do love my DH as he loves them too. However, sd has the attitude, if DDDDaaaDDDDyyyyy is happy than I must run the Byotch off.