Mizmel, I think it was very clear that a lot of us were less than impressed with your b/f yesterday in his blog. I don't think I have ever read a post that made me more angry than the crap he was spewing yesterday. I do not know the type of relationship you have and the way he treats you in other areas of your lives together but when it comes to his daughters he is completely and utterly oblivious to reality. I do not think he will "ever get it" and I think that you will need to do some serious soul-searching to determine if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. I wish you the best of luck my friend.....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

if I were you.

One of the reasons I was very quick to respond to you is that I did the SAME THINGS you are doing when I first met my H (five years ago); I let myself get so involved in all the drama and tried to "help" (My H didn't do a lot with HIS Ds either until I came along...he had no cell phone until he met me, so there was no way they could be calling him a zillion times a day as they started doing when he got the phone!)

I cried, pleaded, begged. It only made the situation worse. (And, I have to say to H's credit, my own adult son wasn't an "angel" in any of this; he did a lot of "regressing" when mommy found a new "man", and my H put up with a lot from him)

Know what I did? I stopped fighting with the whole damn BUNCH of them and I got on with my LIFE. I stopped "worrying" if his Ds "liked me or not" ('cos I really DON'T give a damn if they DO anymore). or what they had to say because, ultimately, what happens between their dad and me is OUR business.

Long story short, with the help of the wonderful people on THIS SITE, I can honestly say that H and I are moving toward the kind of relationship two ADULTS should have. We have had NO PROBLEMS with his Ds (they have their "needy" moments, but NOTHING like when we first met), and H and I, right now, have never been happier in our lives.

Due to past experience, I avoid his family like the plague for the holidays and concentrate on my OWN agenda. They have come to realize that it HURTS H very much to not have me around, knowing full well that they are the reason why. For that reason, I anticipate NO PROBLEMS from them any more. They know their dad is VERY HAPPY. EVERYONE knows their dad is very happy. If this marriage were to "end" due to their "antics" (at their ages...well into their 20's!!) they WOULD KNOW IT IS WRONG!!

If they want to fight and argue, let them. Get on with YOUR OWN AFFAIRS. And, screw the little details of "she said, no, YOU said" blah blah...life is TOO SHORT to haggle over such trivial crap.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

yes, he caused quite an uproar with his comments...and why do you guys need to be seen together? What is THAT about? Is he worried about his image? I really hope these girls lay off & get back to their own lives, because I don't see your relationship surviving if they don't. He will obviously always put them first & said it himself: "Blood is thicker than water".

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

was his insistence that one shouldnt shun their kids for their partner. first of all, that is not what u are asking. he repeatedly said that blood was thicker than water and that his kids would be firts. when i said that kids and partners had two distinct roles and the lines shouldnt blur, he never responded to me. but its clear that he values his daughters like alot of us value our partners--putting then first and having an equal partnership. it seems to me like he will always put them as his #1 priority and thats his choice, but then why is he w u, seeking companionship??? u need to decide if youre happy being that role for him...

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I just got through reading all of the posts from yesterday and your post today. Maybe I missed it but were you really standing there reading what he was writing about you? If you were I would have to say you must have some very sore cheeks. Because he said some very hurtful things that I would be hard pressed to turn the other cheek to.
Your comment from above of "i finally got lucky and found one, now im having trouble holding on to him cuz of his kids." is a comment you really shouldn't be making if you were in a loving relationship with him. He has already made a relationship with his daughters and it sounds pretty air tight to me and it doesn't sound like there is room for anyone else. No one, not even you will be able to break through it to be his number one priority. He continually defended his daughters yesterday but didn't defend you once, not even a little bit. You shouldn't be the one "holding on to him", you should feel like you are holding on to each other now and for the rest of your lives. Do you feel that way? If you don't then that is the point where you should ask your self if this is really how you want to live your life. He can have his life with his daughters, and allow them to ruin yet another relationship, you on the other hand can find a man that will make you feel like you are his #1. I hope you find happiness...wherever it is.

Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane.
~Dogbert

I met my fathers' wife when I was 19. Granted, he and I didn't exactly have a close relationship, but I would have never dreamed of mistreating or disrespecting her. She was his wife and I knew from day one where my place was. Besides, my mother would have kicked my ass if she got wind that I was treating someone that way. I just wasn't raised like that. I was raised to show respect for others. My stepmothers' daughters gave my dad more trouble than I ever gave him or her combined. I finally severed all ties with my dad, but that had nothing to do with his wife.

I think you're doing the right thing in setting a time frame. The trick is to stick to it...if things aren't working out then you need to leave, end of story. He is now on notice that if he doesn't make a conscious effort to set things straight with his daughters, then he's the one that will pay the price in the end.

from and i can understand you bf.

He really loves his daughters very much. There are days when he and them will meet up. This should not be a problem however he should tell you aswell. He should invite you on some occasions that was okay with them but not all the time. Until really they get to like you abit and start trusting you again. From what I was reading from your bf you are r possessive and he saying they just want you not stop him from seeing him alone.
I can relate to this but also realise you may feel frozen out its not nice is it.
I know alot of people will back you on here but I do agree with some of what you dp is saying. Although he does need to realise they cannot treat like that. He needs to wake up to them and tell them how much he loves u and they need to accept you. They should come to the house and get along with you for his sake. I'm a step-daugther and your a step-mum we never realise how much it affects our dad, bf do we. Piggy in the middle but he needs to realise you are his family he chosen to be with. He said blood is more important and you are dead right when saying would his daughter feel that blood comes first and boyfriend comes second not I wouldn't and not would she. She would put her bf first.
This brings me on the next point I as a stepdaugher do blame my father in alot of ways she was making my step-mum feel jealous, insecure or possessive.
I must admire your stepdaughter because they got guts my step-mum terrified me so much made me go not able to confront her with certain issues. She really made me feel low aswell but not so scared now as I got my dp to back me. If they are on that level with you that they can bring problems they have with to you surely you should do the same. Really have along chat with them saying something along the lines of I don't mind your dad and you having time alone. Its just upsets me 1 that your dad has to lie or not tell me 2 that you don't want me there as I would like to see you both aswell.
I also was shocked to see in your bf post how he only seemed to be defending then and not saying I can understand my gf feels like this etc. I also believe by the sound of his post saying he had to take your kid on and your mother that he is alittle resentful as his kids are not there. If that is all he is asking for one to one time with his daughters they surely giving him that time should no be a problem although you feel frozen out.
How old is his youngest daughter?
You both really need to sit and talk as I personally feel on both sides to be heard. Your not hearing him and he not hearing you. Both getting twisted up not realising what the other is saying plus his daughter need to have a long chat with you as I feel from their view your missing how they are feeling. Maybe they feel when they meet up they can speak to their dad about their mother if anything is worrying them about her. Maybe something they don't want you to know. I felt that aswell and in the end I stopped opening up to my dad and shut down on problems and because I didn't want my step-mum to know. Now thats changed but its will take a long time for them to trust you as I said before.

Good luck.

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

I keep reading some of your posts and you seem to be incredibly naive and misinformed - Contrary to how you may feel about your "stepmum", not all of us SM's are jealous wenches who resent our skids; as I've said in previous posts, most of us would love nothing better than to be able to get along with them and have a loving relationship, however, from what I've been reading on this website(and experienced myself)for the most part, it's the skids who create the jealousy and hatred towards the SM's. Most of us were taught to be respectful of any and all adults, no matter if you disagree with them, hate their guts or wish them dead, you certainly don't act like a hysterical, spoiled brat. There are better ways of expressing yourself and making your view heard other than creating disharmony between your DD and your SM, or vice versa. I know I'm more willing to listen to what my SD's have to say when they treat not only me, but my DH, with respect and courtesy and not having a hissy fit or screaming that it's their "right" to do something or have this or that.

As for the money issues, my DH was almost in bankruptcy for giving in to the kids every little whim - and unless you're very well off, and I'd venture to guess not that many of us on this website are, you have to watch your finances. I understand too, that it's all well and good to be able to give your kids a little extra every now and then, but when your kids are young adults you can't always afford to do that; and you shouldn't have to. A lot of kids have part time jobs to pay for their little "wants" (not needs, that's what CS is for)and it teaches responsibility. Unfortunately, my SD doesn't get this - she's got a year left of school and the kid is going to be in for a rude awakening because DH and I will not be her personal atm. Also, I might be a little more lenient with the funds if she was a little more respectful - but I'm not going to "buy" her love or respect.

Just remember, you never pay for your raising until you raise one of your own or God forbid, you inherit a skid from hell.

Yes melis your are correct in what your saying.

I don't really remember but my dad and mum slept together and my mum fell pregnant. This was when I was really young. Then my sister past away when she was 2 years old. Alot of this possessive, jealous and being insecure came from that. I believe I paid for their mistake and my poor sister past away. My father even annoyed me saying if my sister was alive he could not bring to his house because of my step-mum. This was before they married though he cheat on her with my mum. Ever since then my step-mum asked me how much money my dad gives me. If I said to my step-mum something that my dad had not told her she was flip and say well how comes he told tell me this. He tells you everything. Seriously I was treated badly by her. Its very long but as I grew up I became to dislike her. Hated visiting my father at weekends etc.

I'm 26 now and I do respect my step-mum. Although my father does still give me money behind her back. I do say no to the money which my father don't like but then I have to take it as he said its for my son. I honestly give up and really hate it all.
This would upset my step-mum because my step-brother has two boys and my dad is more closer to my son as he is his bio-grandchild. I leave them to it I do ring my dad and he does come down with my step-mum thats it. I would not say me and step-mum are best friends but we do get on and the last time I was up my dad I was in the kitchen helping her.All I ever wanted was my step-mum to accept me.
Sorry mizmel don't wanna take over your post lol.

what your bf wrote:
My new girlfriend is very possesive and has made some mistakes early on into our relationship she was being bad doing what she likes to do knowing that I do not approve,in one instance her actions affected my youngest daughter directly, and at that time her skepticism of my girlfriend graduated into dislike and of course her older sister followed suite.
although I was able to forgive and forget my daughters have not until recently at the meeting i arranged. when they both exclaimed that whats in the past is past, they just want my girlfriend to stop being so possesive thats it.
Oh ya! and to stop giveing their dad so much grief when they want to spend time with him(just us time)I personelly wish that my girlfriend would stop discribeing my daughters as Bitches,Brats,no goods.

So I personally feel its not all down to your sd's. Its you aswell because whatever you DID affected his youngest and this would explain why they dislike you.
However he does as I said before need to support you more but he can't tell his daughters he wont go see them on his own. He can tell them he would like if they would accept you and he could bring you along. Then if your bring your child along they would feel well its not fair he sees more of my dad than I do. Thats why they may resent you aswell. Another thing you got to realise as your bf said they all divorced there mum and they became close and you coming in to their dads life is hard. They don't want their relationship with him to change.
This sounds alot harder on your sd's than what I had to go through. It sounds to me they do have their father running around but because they can't go to their mum as she is the way she is. It's him feeling guilty which he can't keep using the past as an excuse for their behaviour.

I see the eldest is married so she has her own life and its always the youngest one that is more threatened that she will not be daddys girls. Not sure if you plan to have anymore kids but if you had another baby and its a girl well my god she would feel totally hatred for you. Her dad will be torn then and believe he will. She probably the one who wishes mum and dad together. Personally I think if their dad was with someone else then they would be the same.
Hopefully it will all work out for you.

I am going through the same thing with my vindictive,jealous,spoiled and self-entitled SD who, by the way, is married with two kids. She has also convinced my SSs wife who also has two children,and who, by the way, kicked my SD and her husband out of her house twice within the past year while living with them.She saw how manipulative and power hungry she was-trying to take over her house and her husband, who is also SDs brother! SD and 4 yr older SS relationship along with her fathers, has been too intimate to people that see their interactions.SS was caught molesting her while at their moms.Their are many other instances of inappropriately close behavior with SD and her brother and father. (I have a gut feeling about sexual behavior happening between them)and my family has seen it as well as a couple of people in their family who revealed some behaviors.They have shunned me to their own advantage (needing place to stay, money, babysitting, party, etc)and esp. my son, until his wife got pregnant and SD was looking for someone else to try to manipulate and use.SD has always used people for her own gain and ego and expects everyone, esp men to worship her and put her on pedestal.So all of the sudden, she started acted like she liked my son, just to manipulate him and wife since my son and DIL don't have married friends with kids. I raised the Skids and their kids consider me their grandmother.My own bio-sons new wife-which in the very recent past had shunned my son;he wanted so much to be a part of their little club that he refuses to remember/admit all the things they did to him as a child. He developed teenage resentments and has depression. I took him to counseling but he didn't want to go to school or obey house rules. He started acting out at 15 after discovering pot and after being an honor roll student all his life and began acting like my SS and SD had growing up. I didn't tolerate those behaviors from any of the kids so my own son moved out at 18 because he was stealing from us and wouldn't admit it, along with other destructive and argumentative behaviors.He decided to move out. My mother had to live with us/then come over after school so I had someone to watch out for them. She has never expressed hatred towards kids until she saw how they treated him and how sneaky they were.They shunned them until his wife got pregnant and SD was looking for someone else to try to break up my marriage.So all of the sudden, she started acted like she liked my son, just to manipulate him and wife since my son and DIL don't have married friends with kids. We also had our own son together.I raised the skids since they were young and have always had a problem with hubby not seeing how manipulative and vindictive SD has become. SS had serious psychological problems before I met him. Husband refused to get him help-in denial about their behavior which impacted my own son from 1st marriage. The two Skids and my husband were always excluding me and my own son in conversations, bullying my son and making fun of him in front of the family.Skids started calling me "mom" om their own and we have always considered ourselves a family, though not perfect. I really tried, mad mistakes, tried again-we had our own family traditions and my family stepped up when their BM and their dads family didn't help and were barely in their lives. With four kids I worked full-time and also did all of the mom things for these kids and their kids. Their BM has always been a drug addict and flitted in and out of their lives-not keeping promises to pick them up, no CS or help whatsoever. Her boyfriends and drugs always came first while I did all the work and discipline all these years.The stress of my own husband not believing me me when any of the kids were doing things that needed parental attention has broken me down after 22 years. I also developed health related problems which stopped me from being the "supermom" that had all the parties, cooked for entire family on holidays, planned vacations and took care of everything! Husband did help with cooking while I was working and some chores.Now that I don't wait on SD and her kids, she has been out to make our life miserable. She uses the grandkids as blackmail until I just stopped asking to see them. Now, we aren't allowed at their houses hardly at all since her baby was born in Jan and she was done using me for gifts, babysitting, etc.I found out that my SS had let his Meth addicted mother move in with him and their two young children around that time.Their own mother wasn't even their for the birth, I was! They were trying to hide it from us. She was still doing it but SS and esp. Skids just forgave everything she had put them through and cut us out. In May after using again and died in SDs home. It was a loss to them and I did feel bad for them so I supported them even while SD was treating me like crap. I had never badmouthed their mom through all the trouble she caused.WE came over daily, watched grandkids, brought food,supported them at wake and I talked about how we needed to be a family and not treat people like crap cuz you never know. That didn't last two weeks until they were acting the same way. I am so hurt that they not only now worship their mom, who has done more terrible things than you can imagine and put them in life-threatening situations. She treated them like her buddies instead of a parent and now I'm the wicked SM!She abandoned them when SD was 1 yr old for husbands best friend!-I can't take it anymore. Husband is the problem by letting his kids treat me this way and acting like I'm crazy whenever I tell him about their behaviors for 20 years. He has not stuck up for me or protected me. Why do so many men have no b@lls when it comes to disciplining their kids, esp daughters?! Its like he is afraid of her! How can I convince him that this is common behavior in stepfamilies and that if he wants to save our marriage he has to lay down the law and insist I be treated with respect, even if we don't have a regular family relationship anymore? I am ready to leave or checkout because I can't take it any longer.

BM meth addicted? Hey do we have the same BM? Does she see Ninja's at night?