it is almost a crap shoot, if your SO supports you and you both can agree on disipline and boundries and puts the MARRIAGE above all else, then you will have a happy ever after...if not mayhem and chaos will be your lot..
sorry honey read the posts it is a sad fact and the older these kids become the worse their behaviours gets (for the most part)

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

totally fine. My FH has a 14 yr old daughter. Like you, I'm 32 and so is he. She was born before we even graduated high school!!! It's insane to me, but I've gotten used to it over time.

I have a wonderful relationship with SD, totally independent of FH. FH and I want very much to have a baby together, but I have doubts about my own ability to get pregnant or have a child. FH and I have talked about this, and I think honestly he still wants to marry me and be with me if that is the case (something I did not have with my ex). To me, I am immensely grateful for SD, b/c if it turns out we cannot have a child together, we still have this lovely young woman to be a part of our lives and to be considered a family with us. If you can find a place of love and acceptance with the SKIDS, it may just be the saving grace if your FH is not in that 60% or is not interested in sperm donation. I know the SKIDS aren't exactly making this easy, but if you can strive for it, it may just be the thing that gets you through a potentially big disappointment.

Good luck to you, I hope that it gets better for you and your family!!!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Summer - I have a similar circumstance. My H and I have been married 3 years - he has a 13 yr old D and a 10 yr old son. I have a 12 yr old son. MY 13 yr old SD sounds just like yours - she has stolen jewelry, perfume, deod and other small items. Plus she has lied to her father saying I said this or that or did this or that - total lies. This has been an ongoing drama - over the past three plus years. It finally got to the point where I told him if it continued they had to leave. - you can read my blog. I disengaged from her and it has really helped. My H's ex talked him into having a vasectomy too - so no kids for us, and I would love to have another child - especially with him because I do truly love him. BUT, when I look back over what SD has put me thru and how H has acted about certain things I WOULD NOT HAVE MARRIED HIM. If I had a crystal ball back then - I would be single now.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

I've had a lot of jobs in my life (the scariest one being working as a corrections officer in an all male prison). I've raised two sons, I've been thru a marriage to a Sociopath. I've lost a very dear aunt to horrible violence.

But I can tell you, living day to day, with my current H is the hardest, worst life of them all. Let's just forget for a moment what h is like in the husband/wife relationship. It's the SD17-H tag team that I'll focus on. He has made it clear, to me and to her, that she is the queen when she's around. I have been recently informed by H that SHE will NOT be required to do ANYTHING when she is here in MY home. She can take up all the couch and leave no seating for me, or anyone else, when she is in my home. She can be snotty, pouty, spoiled rotten, and I am expected to accept this behavior in my own home.

I don't care for SD17 anylonger. Couldn't care less what becomes of her, because of the way she and H have treated me, after I tried to do so much for her.

Whose fault? H's. It is and was in his power to make her behave respectfully, respect me in my home. Help out with clean up, etc. when she is here. H could have made this a marriage/family that would work. Instead, he has chosen a path to make certain that I know my place-and it's not beside him, but behind him and SD17.

Just be certain that your F knows that if you are going to become part of this family, that does not mean being less than him, or his kids. And watch him when he's with them around you...and if you see signs of the hell I am living, I would definately suggest you move on. I wish I was single now.
s

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

Before I got married 14 months ago. Summer, we're not trying to discourage anyone from getting married, but when your SO has kids, you better make sure you're up for the challenges, the stress, the tears and the fights, because it's a rare situation if SM,DH & Skids actually get along well, if at all. If this 7yr old is already pulling this kind of crap on you now, it will only get worse. Just an example, but you're going to get told because you don't have kids of your own, you have no idea what it's like - you're going to be the one who's always wrong, because you intentionally don't want to get along with the kids; no matter how hard you try to be a good SM, you're always going to get the blame from both DH and Skids that their problems are your fault. Like sarah advised, please read the blogs, the forums and all of the posts very throughly before you jump off the deep end. Good luck to you, whatever you choose to do.

Three years ago I married my husband when I was 33. I'd never been married before but have a daughter (now 15) and DH has two daughters (now 11 and 7). We have custody of all the kids. My DH had gotten a vasectomy also but I made it known I wanted to try and have one child together. For me this was a deal breaker - if the reversal didn't work then that was fine but we had to at least try.

As I type this I am almost five months pregnant with my miracle baby son! I do think the stats on reversals are better than what you think. Research this one really well - I've got some sites for you if you'd like.

As for marriage - the hardest thing for me was the Ex wife went crazy. It took about two years for things to calm down. My SD's were not well behaved either but my DH did support me. THIS IS KEY - house rules and DH support. He must put you first and not pick his kids over you. How is the Exwife in your situation? Only you can answer if this road is one you want to go down. It takes more than love but it can be done. Your life won't be easy but only you can determine if it's worth it.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU

I wish I knew then what I know now.

...but I am in just a romanticized mind set right now.

My advice? What will be will be.

Is this man the love of your life? Do you still get butterflies when he walks in a room? Is his crooked smile a cure all for those angry moments? Do his compliments still make you giggle like a school girl? (Like I said...please forgive the attitude I presently have...this too shall pass)

If you answer yes...marry him. Marry him and endure the bad that comes with the good. Leave the rest to fate. If you have a 60% chance to conceive, your odds are still good. Like my girl Stepmom_C... If it's meant to be, it will be.

How heart broken would you be if you lost him because you were being so reasonable?

Marry him and start your fairytale.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley