SP Rights To Child While Spouse is away on military duty?
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Husband is away for basic training and will be away also for Tech school. Before leaving husband appointed me to pick up SS on his designated weekends. (no Power of Attorney) BM is now saying that I am not in Possession orders and that i cannot pick up SS on weekends because my husband is not present. If i was to have POW while my husband is away will i be able to pick up SS on designated weekends while husband is away?
SS
I don't understand why you would want to take a child away from their mother when their father is not there. She does not have to hand the child over to you unless its ordered by the judge. I have to say if I were the BM I would fight you over it. Even a POW or a POA is not going to give you the right to pick up a child that does not belong to you and knowing the BF is not around to see the child.
Ouch Sparky
I disagree. If there is an established relationship with a step parent, they should have the right to exercise visitation. I would never dream of denying my sons time with their SM. Even if my exh passed away, I would still let them go there as much as they do now if they all wanted that. And if I passed away, my exH has assured me that he would do whatever he could to make sure DH, SD and ESPECIALLY BD 3 got to see them all the time.
I think a BM who fights a SMs visitation, just because she can, is selfish and insecure.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I think it depends...
Every situation is so different. I would look at it as a nice break from the Skids, but if they have siblings at your house, etc...then I could see why you would want to nuture those relationships...
Wow..I'm torn on this issue...
Looking at this from the BM role...My exH is currently deployed overseas and when he comes home for a two week visit he intends to get married to his current girl friend, so then she will be my son's SM. My point of view is that my custody / visitation agreement is between me and my exH and NO ONE ELSE.
There have been a couple times over the years that I let my son visit with his grandmother and aunt (my exH's mom and sister), but that was simply because they actually made an effort to maintain a good relationship with me and my son even though my exH had made a choice not to be a part of our son's life for over 8 years.
I'm sorry, but to be brutally honest, as the BM faced with this situation, there is no way in H*LL I would let my son go for visitation with his SM if his dad wasn't there.
And having been a step for a while (even if H and I had a child that would have been a half-sibling) there is no way I would even contemplate having the SKids for scheduled visitation if their father wasn't there.
I don't ever recall a time when I actually desired to be alone with his chilren for any great length of time. An hour or two is a far cry from a whole weekend without him there.
I know not every situation is like mine, but this one is just something I have a hard time wrapping my head around.
Sorry, I didn't have any words of encouragement on this issue, but sometimes hearing arguements from the other side can be helpful, too.
I wish you good luck in however you decide to proceed with this.
Don't make me get my flying monkeys!!!
Wow
I guess it would really depend on the relationship the child and the SM have and whether or not there are 1/2 siblings involved? I think if you have a good relationship w/the child, you should continue to foster it by taking him out for a meal or find something to do w/him (if BM allows it) other than a full weekend.
I think it is this kind of shit that does not foster a good relationship between the skids and SM. It undermines the relationship actually. I probably would not force the issue if the BM is acting like an idiot. Hopefully it wont deteriorate the relationship you have w/the child already.
A POA won't help you.
Unless you are named in the custody agreement as having custody or visitation rights yourself, them I'm afraid BM is right. You have no right to visitation in his absense. Having a POA will not change that.
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ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA
Worked for me
DF left for a six month deployment, and drafted a Special POA in regards to his children. It enabled me to pick them up and drop them off in his absence. Take them to the hospital, pick up meds, everything. Maybe the mom (not maybe, she did) viewed me as a free babysitter. I had them every other weekend, half of November, Thanksgiving break, week after Christmas, the works. She didn't fight it, and encouraged me to let her know if I wanted the kids outside of the EOW schedule. They are now back with us full time, and she will be seeing them for one (1) day EOW. But while he was deployed, mom took them.
I would talk to both your DH and BM together and try to work this out so SS does not suffer, esp if he has a close relationship with you. No power plays, no one throwing their weight around, just 3 mature adults working towards the best interest of a child.
My belief is that you SHOULD
My belief is that you SHOULD have every right to have access to your step child while BF is away for a period of time. I myself am SM to an 8 year old girl & my husband goes away every now & then. (Note: We do not have any children of our own yet) His Ex wife fought him hard on the subject but he put his foot down. We have 50/50 custody & when husband is away I still pick up SD as usual. As far as I am concerned I have hepled to raise her since she was 3 years old, we have a close relationship, I take her to school, go to parent teacher interviews, help her with home work etc, etc. BM even calls me to pick SD up from school because she is "way to busy at the moment" on her days to have SD! If the truth be told straight I do more for this child than her mother does. So why should I miss out on seeing SD for weeks just because her dad is not in town? SD would miss spending time with me if she wasnt to se me for weeks. (Not that she would tell her mother that. haha)
I find it sooooo frustrating that so much is expected of step parents. They are not our children by blood but we are expected (& want in most cases) to be a part of raising these little human beings. BM is always picking at what we are doing wrong & in the end we get treated like we are nothing & of no value in the childs life as we were not there from the beginning.
Just noticed this was an old post!
So not sure if any comment (this one or above) is still relevant. But I was wondering what happened in this situation. Does anyone know? Is Startin2deal still here?
The only way BM would even try to take SD from me, is if there was a large sum of money involved. And we are making provisions in our will that would make any life insurance highly difficult for BM to pilfer.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I actually had this situation...
I am the SM and my husband was deployed. I went to court and got visitation with my SD. I only got her every other weekend but that was more than nothing. I also went to eat lunch with her all the time, the BM butt head couldnt stop me! lol. Needless to say, after the SM abused the SD while my DH was deployed, he got Emergency leave and actually got custody!!! YAY!
Wow!
You should really re-post this update and announce it if you haven't. I think that would be wonderful for other SMs in the same boat who come searching for that answer could really be helped, especially since some people responded it wouldn't work.
Glad to hear a happy ending.
Oh- and my SD's BM wouldn't likely take her back if DH left or even if he passed away. She can't handle her. I am torn between knowing how hard it would be to have her by myself, and knowing I'm the only MOM she has to take care of her.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Military Deployment and visitation
We went through hell and high water to get anything where I could see my SD. It got so bad that I asked her school if I could take my cell in with me to eat lunch with her on the off chance that her dad would call and get to talk to her, because cutting me out essentially cut out her contact with her dad. Judge gave me EOW visits with the express concern that BM was cutting the SD/BD communication ties. It upsets me to no end to hear other posts saying the SM or SD have no rights to see the stepchild while the parent is deployed..I have been in my SD's life for 5 yrs and she is 9. She is my "child" even if I didnt give birth to her. (Even if I want to throttle her at times) LOL
Wow, what a timely
Wow, what a timely subject.
My wife's ex is being transferred out of state. Kids are 14 and 11. SS has a decent relationship with SM, but SD does not. SM has not been to conferences, taken the kids to lunch or done anything extraordinary. If anything she has been a divisive force over the past year, at least, as you may recall from my other posts. I hate to toot my own horn, but *I* have been the step-parent to attend conferences, go school shopping and all of the other things.
My wife has NO intention of letting the SM have visitation, but I did wonder what others had experienced. We would let the kids go with their grandparents but that's another story.
My friend who is a family lawyer said "Let the BD take you to court" and that's about where we are.
UPDATE!!!
We are going to court after a long time coming. BM was served with orders but didnt not agree to sign them... (She was the one who brought up me being added to CO.) In this time I had a baby girl with DH. BM is still against me picking up SS when DH is away on military duty.
She also wants to go to court regarding summer visitation now... DH sent her the dates we wanted SS (30days) with one weekend for her to be able to pick him us which is in their Standard CO.
We go to court on Monday i pray that i am able to be added to the CO so that my daughter is able to see and spend time with her brother when DH is absent.