do things change as skids grow up?
Forums:
i want to know if things change as skids grow up and go into their teens. i just want my SD to grow up but i have the fear that her attitude will only get worse. i need ur advice as how to handle her as she is growing up and ur experiences....do they become more demanding and expensive?
no
I have a teen SD (that is not in our life and I never mention) because she only calls when she wants money, 1 week before b-days and holidays....sorry. yes they become more expensive...
ugh
bio teenagers can suck and step teenagers are the worse!! IMHO
especially if they were trouble when they were little
Sorry!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Oh be positive you lot
I think your sd will change when she gets older I did. You realise how much you step-mother has done for you.
I don't think personally I understood what she did for me until now. I always thought whatever she said that she had it in for me. I suppose she did at the beginning as she was jealous and knew she did want a dd but had 3 boys. 1 from a previous relationship and two with my dad.
I don't call her now and say is dad there we speak and have a chat and before she passes the phone to my dad. I don't tell her everything as she is nosey this is something that I cannot stand about her but other than that she is alright not perfect and neither am I. I learned alot from her aswell as my mother.
I hold my hands up I was really hard work. I have grown up and realised how difficult it was for her.
Just the other day i rang and she I said are you okay? She said yes then said no actually my arm hurts. I think she got something called frozen shoulder and they can't cure it only tablets. I must of sounded concerned as she told me. Normally I couldn't care about her but I do care about her she is my dads wife and brothers mother. I wouldn't say I love her as she would never replace my mother but think from the bottom of my heart if anything happened to her I would be upset aswell. All the years of us fighting and over stupid things.
She was not perfect and sometimes seem the green eyed monster but think its understandable.
teenagers in general
OK on a positive note, teenagers in general are all CRAZY! but some do grow up to fine citizens...my bioson was a mess! BARELY graduated from HS, was cutter and just moody, but now he is a fine young man, doing well in school no more cutting and has a very sweet girlfriend
however there are those that slide down and never come back up.
those are the ones of which i speak.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Don't expect them to grow up fast and dissapear
Hi
Can I say though to you dragonfly. I must say that if my step-mum had a baby girl I think I would be the same as your sd. Worried the sd would take my place. Maybe all the things she must be feeling of jealous. When she grows up she will understand how great having a little sister is and being both daddy girls.
Don't worry too much as long as you nip everything she is doing in the bud quickly and not let it drag on.
meant the baby sorry
meant the baby sorry
Bad guy no matter what
My SF decided that I was just a bad kid & a loser, & no amount of accomplishment would make him believe otherwise. I spent years trying to please him, live up to his standards, overcome his challenges & be the person he taught me to be. It didn't matter until one day I had enough & the smallest thing made me blow up. I think it was an eye opener for him. That, & the fact that I started making more money than him.
Just don't make the same mistake & turn a blind eye to her potential.
Also, keep in mind that all teenagers are... well, teenagers. Need I say more?
Cajun Lady
Yes and no.
My skids have all been pretty well-behaved all along. We have never had any real behavior issues with them and that hasn't changed at all as they've become teenagers. If anything, their behavior has gotten better as they have matured. So no, nothing has changed on the behavior front. They were always pretty good and they still are.
But yes, things have changed drastically as far as their relationship with their father. Their mother did such a number on them when they were younger, stopping visitation and saying ugly things about us, and we never got enough time in with them to combat this. So a lot of distance has developed between the skids and their dad that wasn't there before. As they get older, they draw further and further away from him. I'm hoping it cycles back as they get older.
From a financial standpoint, we're still paying the same, fixed amount of CS we've always paid. If the skids have gotten more expensive, it's been on BM to manage the money appropriately to make sure everything is covered. We haven't yet been approached to pay more. I don't think we will be, because her salary has gone up more than DH's and she's no longer paying daycare, so it's likely the CS amount would go down, rather than up.
With my own son, who is 10 and starting to develop preteenitis, I'm finding that what worked for him in Kindergarten is still the best way to go... and that is giving him choices and letting him either enjoy or regret the results of the choices he makes. If he "chooses" to not keep his room clean during the week, for example, he understands that he is making the choice to spend the weekend cleaning it, instead of spending the weekend playing with his friends. I've found that giving them choices, as long as you let them have the consequences of those choices, is a pretty good way to go.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Mine has gotten worse
SD15 has gotten more demanding/out of control and expensive every year. Nobody (BM or my husband) wants to deny her anything, so her most outrageous requests are met EVERY time. Good luck when she grows up and discovers everyone will not hand her what she wants on a silver platter!
Her attitude has gotten worse. She thinks she's in charge of everything. I have to travel to Las Vegas for work in May, and SD actually told husband he could go with me. She would be fine at home on her own for three days. I don't think so!
So true!
My husband traveled for work quite a bit when we first got married, and I kind of liked it that way. There were times when SD was at BM's and husband was traveling and the house was SO peaceful. No more of that!
my SD i only 8 years old now
my SD i only 8 years old now and only wants brand name stuff cause she is used to it with mom and grandparents, who are the ones that take care of her. one day we went to a dollar store and i saw those sandals called crocs and told her that she should have gotten hers there just to see her reaction and she said "no because those are not the originals".
we are trying hard to teach her to be humble but every other weekend we have to start all over again and it is getting to us already...but we are not giving up yet as long as we see that she is willing to change
In my opinion -
Yes, they get more expensive...more school costs, extracurricular activities, driving, etc. But I think that's true of all kids. The good thing is they are old enough to work and earn their own money!! YEAH!
As far as the attitudes go, my SD's have actually been very good kids. But, of course, being teens, there are the occassional attitudes. I just try not to take anything personally. But in my opinion, I think their attitudes (and that of my Biokids) depend a lot on what ground rules are laid early on. All of my kids know that I love and respect them & will do anything in the world for them, but I'm not going to take any crap off them. I have never let them back talk me and if they've attempted, I've cut them off. I'm not a mean person, I just expect to be treated with respect. I think if I'd let my SDs run over me in the beginning, it would have set a very bad tone to our relationship.
One advantage of them getting older is that they can finally see who has their best interest at heart and who does not. BM always buys designer clothes, perfume, makeup, etc. but is always strapped for cash when the kids need something. How convenient. I am happy to say that although their mother is into "labels", my SDs are pretty humble. Yes, they enjoy having designer clothes (like all teen girls, I'm sure) but they don't HAVE to have name brands and their clothes don't define who they are. And I think BM tries to define herself by what she wears, drives, etc. If my clothes defined me...I'd be a walking ad for Wal-Mart. HA HA
Seriously, the girls see that their DH & I don't indulge in designer things, but we do have a nice home, can take vacations and have extra money to give them. Things BM can't do because she is careless with her money. So, maybe your SD will see how your values differ from her mothers as she gets older & understand that's OK.
And as for having younger siblings, my DH & I had two boys after we got married. I think my SDs get jealous on occassion because the boys are here with us all of the time, but overall, they love their brothers and share a very close bond even though there is a pretty big age gap between them all.
My situation has changed
Since SS started driving 4 years ago he does not come over as much. Once in a blue moon. SD started driving late last year and has been coming over less and less. Mainly now she calls and meets him at our house if she needs cash. The last time she asked for money, I made a comment to him that since she's old enough now and he is paying for her car, she needs a job. Then I gave him the story about how my mom always made my sister and I work when we were teenagers. In fact, she drove our happy little butts down to TG&Y and KFC when we were old enough and by golly we had jobs. DH listened and made a comment to SD about it the next time she called for cash. She starts working at Wal-Mart next week.
I really can't complain about my skids. I really haven't personally had to deal with much from them. DH handles problems that arise. Skids have treated me pretty well.