My skids don't have regular chores, per se, as DH only has EOW and is rarely allowed to get them that much. Instead, they are responsible for things like making their beds, clearing their dishes from the table after dinner, cleaning up the bathroom after they have used it, picking up their toys, putting away their clean laundry... basically, they are responsible for doing anything that needs done as a result of them being here. I cook for them, I wash their dirty clothes and that kind of thing, but we don't have any set chores, like we do for BS, who is here 100% of the time.

Now, we do ask them to help out with things. If I go shopping, they help bring the groceries in. If I'm doing laundry, they help with the folding. If the kitchen floor needs swept, we might ask one of them to do that. They might jump in to help rake leaves in the fall. They fight over who gets to feed the dog. I'm pretty blesssed in that my skids are big volunteers. When we have them, they try really hard to please. My SD will hang out with me in the kitchen, asking if she can help cook dinner, set the table, wash dishes or do anything else that needs done. SS will usually tag along and help BS do his chores, whether we ask him to or not.

If your SS is not big on volunteering, it could be that he's just waiting to be asked. If you ask and he still doesn't do it, well, that's another thing. Visiting your dad EOW doesn't equate to going on vacation. I think you can expect him to make his bed and pick up after himself when he's with you and I think you should encourage him to participate in things the family does. Maybe having set chores for EOW skids is impractical. I can't think of anything that only needs done once every two weeks. But he can help, say, unload the dishwasher on occasion. If you approach him and DH from the angle of helping out with random tasks rather than a formal EOW joblist, maybe they will both be more accepting.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

Chores for EOW visits aren't realistic sometimes. My ss cleans up after himself & helps his dad if he's working on something. I do zilch---no cooking, no washing clothes for anyone. Everyone has two hands. My dh cooks for he and his son. They clean up after themselves. Whoever makes the mess should clean it up. If he doesn't make a mess---he doesn't have to clean it. Maybe if I lived on a farm he'd get EOW chores???? I don't tell the man/child what to do. He's well behaved and cleans up after himself.

I agree kids should do stuff that pertains to them - like making their bed, picking up after themselves, etc. Asking them to help with dishes or washing the car or something like that its okay. Visiting dad is not an excuse to not do normal chores that they would, hopefully, do at their own home or while at a friends house or a relatives home.

with what everyone else has said but I'd also make sure that the boy cleans his room before he leaves meaning dusting, changing sheets on his bed, vacuuming or swiffering the floor, all clothes laundered and put away, etc. unless your DH is going to do it for him or hire a cleaning service to do it. Because you certainly aren't the hired help.

I can see where your husband thinks your home automatically becomes the Hilton when his son arrives but life doesn't work that way. (BTW, my DH has acted this way everyday for the past 13 years of his kid's life and all it's gotten him is loss of respect from his son and now the kid is threatening to move in with his mother. I say GO!) Anyhow, I'd expect that he pitch in while he's there emptying the dw, helping with meals, setting and clearing the table, taking garbage to the curb, shoveling in winter, raking in fall, etc.

Adults don't get to take EOW mini-vacas to La-La Land so telling a kid that he gets a hiatus from life EOW is setting him/her up for a hard knock life.

All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!

my FSkids pick up what they mess up.
they never complain.
well FSD does cuz she hates doing dishes but just being silly.
i dont do laundry for them, nor cook for them, FH does that.
but I will make one of my specialities for them.

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

The come every weekend instead of the ordered eow because mom leaves the on the weekend and every eve to go stay w/her bf of 7 yrs(they arent welcolm overthere either because they are pigs.13 and 15.I plan to comfront them this weekend and make him pick them back out of the couch in front of their father this weekend.I stopped cleaning up spills,pop cans,dishes making beds etc.DH is starting to resent picking up after teens I think.I work mostly weekendsso its pretty trashed by Sunday.

to put your home back in the order it was before they came.Mine had to get really disgusting before he noticed the difference.To the point of dixie cups because all the drinking glasses were scattered about the house.He has a weak stomach but when he had to wipe the poop and blood off the toilet seat before sitting down and no one else was there all weekend but him and the 14 yo SD.HE noticed and ordered her to bathe while staying the weekends.Shes 5 foot and 200 lbs.

When I married my husband, the oldest skid was ten. So right away, that very first visit, I included them when things needed to get done. After dinner, it was, "Kids, when you're finished eating, please put your dirty dishes in the sink." Then it was, "Skid1, you can help me unload the dishwasher while Skid2 sweeps the floor." I didn't ask them, I told them and they were young enough to not even consider not doing what I asked them to do. I was an adult and I told them to do something. They just did it. Many years later, it's now just routine. When they are with us, they know the drill. Everyone pitches in.

Those early days really are the make-or-break period. I think you just have to go into it being the boss and assuming that they will do what they are told. If you go into it unsure of your own authority, then they will question your authority. Kids are like animals. They smell fear.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

As soon as SD12 walks in the door for our EOW she has to scrub the kitchen floor on her hands and knees, then she has to clean all the baseboards and ceiling fans, wash all the dishes and clean the bathrooms. Next day schedule is to wash everyone's cars, then cut the grass, weed the flowers, walk the dog...I could go on and on and on. My poor little Cinderella. HA! I'm just wanted to keep my horrible reputation as a stepmother alive.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

can you send her to Indiana??

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

With the no "set" chores idea for EOW skids. We have SS almost 12 EOW and he is not overweight, but I totally agree its an age thing for hygene. We almost have to push him in the shower every night, he never brushes his thick crazy hair and I know he never uses his toothbrush while he is here..yuk!!

But he just has to make his bed and clean up after himself and he helps BS with his chores, but only if we ask him to. He usually leaves a trail of doors open, toilet lids up and lights on where ever he goes but that is getting better slowly. He is messy with whatever he uses but only because when his dada used to have him the weekends were holiday camp for him..now its changed and he's not quite used to it yet

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

YOU CAN TELL WHEN THEY DON'T CHORES AT BMS CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THEM AT YOUR PLACE. MY SD (8 YO) WOULD NOT PICK AFTER HERSELF AND NOW IS GETTING TRAINED BY DAD BUT THE ORDERS ARE MINE CAUSE I GOT TIRED OF TELLING HER WHAT TO DO ALL THE TIME SO NOW I TELL MY HUS TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO. "NOW YOU BE THE EVIL ONE" I TOLD HIM CAUSE THAT IS WHAT I AM WHEN I TELL SD TO PICK UP AFTER HERSELF. ALMOST 2 YEARS NOW OF TRAINING HER TO DO CHORES AND WE ARE NOT EVEN HALF WAY. IF SHE LEAVES A MESS IN HER ROOM (IF U CAN CALL IT THAT CAUSE SHE SPENDS ALL OF THE TIME AT COMPUTER AND TV ROOM) WHEN SHE LEAVES I HAVE MY HUS CLEAN IT.
AND ABOUT THE HYGIENE PROBLEM I DON'T THINK IT IS A STAGE THEY GO THROUGH CAUSE I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SD'S THAT SINCE SHE WAS 4. SHE IS JUST A DIRTY CHILD WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT HOW BAD SHE SMELLS OR HOW BAD HER HAIR LOOKS.

That making clean up after themselves when they visit is a good way to teach them good manners when they visit anywhere. You might want to point that out to your DH.

Cajun Lady

When the girls used to only come and visit they had chores (kind of).
They had to scrape their plates and put their dishes in the sink. And before they left they had to strip their beds and put the sheets and any dirty clothes in the laundry. (their BM wouldn't send clothes so we kept clothes at our house) and the only other thing they did was make sure their rooms were clean before they left and if not clean their BF would take any toys that were left out.

Other than that they got away with murder. Now that they live with us they have to clean the kitchen (together) and take care of their dogs. I expect them to take care of their room too but thats not a chore.

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

very interesting comments! I'm totally new to the skids stuff...but so far when SS5 comes over he leaves messes everywhere, breaks alot of things (unknowingly), loses things, etc. Then when he leaves, my BF says "lets clean this place up". i've helped him clean for these last few months since i've been introduced to SS but I'm starting to get mad because of it. Sometimes I'll say "please bring your plate to the sink" or "can you throw this in the garbage for me?" and SS will do it usually no questions asked. the thing is his dad doesn't ask the same things of him and I don't want to sound like the mean one. I mean he will correct him if he is disrespectful but these little things, he won't say a thing. Any suggestions?