Stupid blowup with husband
For those of you who may not know, I have been taking away SD14's shoes because she keeps leaving them the one place in the house (dining room) that I have asked her not to.
Took away a pair Thursday night. Then I get home Friday and there's another pair in the same place! Husband gets home same time as me to take SD to meet her mom for the weekend. SD tells him to get back the shoes from me that I took Thursday.
I tell him no because she keeps leaving them there and left them there again Friday (which he could see if he looked). He said he knows she does it because he has seen the shoes there himself (But of course he didn't do anything). Wants to know why I don't just let him take care of it. Because he doesn't do anything about it!
Anyway, he was yelling and cursing at me and made me give the shoes back. Among his rant, he said I was basically the blame for all the problems in our marriage and that it was my fault SD14 is the way she is! Because I am the adult...
Later that night, when he returned, I laid into him (but nicely). Told him he would have never lost it the way he did if I had taken away our BD4's shoes to prove a point. He wouldn't even agree with me there.
I know he was only upset because of what he might have to listen to from BM. He should be more concerned with my feelings than hers!
My DH and I had a huge blow
My DH and I had a huge blow out the other night.. w/some similiarities..
My DH gets unreasonable when it comes to his kids.. he stated that its clear that I no longer like his kids.. I said I used to like them a lot.. This made him upset.. I stated.. I liked them when they were younger and nice. when they didnt make mean hurtful comments and cause drama.. that they are no longer like that.. That I do like his son for the most part, but his daughter is just rude and inconsiderate.. that if they werent his children, they would be individuals that I would have no further contact with.. But that I do treat them w/respect.
He then questioned that respect, to which he got an earful of examples, and how that respect was disrespected w/no thank yous offered by his bratty daughter. How she expects crap and never says thank you.. and has no problem telling me that she doesnt like me.
At one point in the fight he looked at me and said.. I dont even like you anymore.. I said.. hey.. that is fine.. you dont like me?? then you need to find some place to live.. I was starting to think this would be an end to my EOW torment.
He recanted after he thought about it all. You see.. I own the house we live in.. Its my paycheck that pays the mortgage, and it was my downpayment that was used when I purchased this home well before he even proposed. That I have carved out a room for ea. of the said bratty kids, and finished redoing their rooms, before mine was even done.
I honestly think that men dont feel they do enough for their kids and then when they get this feeling (guilty dad or just low self esteem from the previous wife) they lash out at a person that they feel safe with.. someone they think isnt going anywhere... I got news for you.. had he presented me w/divorce papers during that arguement.. i would have signed them for sure.
Tired of the drama. cant we all just get along?? I have asked DH to start getting the kids to clean their rooms more thoroughly... like not leaving tiny peices of toys on the floor. I told him when we are lucky enough to have a child, I will not have time to preserve SD9's little peieces.. they will be swept up and thrown out.
unfortunately, this falls into my gobbist philosophy
which is 'act crazier than the BM'
Actually, crazy is not the right terminology in this case. You told SD to do something and she ignored it so you did something to show that you meant what you said.
This makes me recall something that has nothing to do with kids, but a dog. I had a roommate with an ill-behaved dog. If I turned my back, he'd take any food left on the counter. I made the dog understand that this was unacceptable and he stopped. Later on we had a barbecue and the dog was stealing food from anybody who turned their back. He also humped some people's legs. I corrected the dog several times and my roommate got angry with me. He told me not to do anything, and by god, I saw the dog watching this interaction, seeing me put into something lower on the ladder, so a moment later he humped someone's leg. I could not stand that so I made him stop. My roommate was mad at me, but by god, I saw it as a sort of neglect to not make his pet understand how he should behave. The dog did not misbehave at that party after that. I am NOT the bottom of any totem pole.
I wish children were that easy, but what I have learned from animals is that discipline works best if you are not actually that angry, just very firm. And that often it is not the animal that needs discipline, but it's owner. That said, your husband needs some lessons.
Stand firm.
wow are we the same person
My FH lives with me for the most part,(he is renting a place where is obnoxious 17 y/o lives)(his EOW bkids have a room at my place) it is my house, I am paying for it I put the down payment on it and all the bills that go along with it our MINE!And sometimes I think does he stay with me (and he knows how I feel about his kids) b/c of my house and all the comforts? (he does not pay anything and when I ask him he gets defensive and says how can I pay for two places?) nice huh? He does not make much and would have NO WHERE for his EOW kids?? Many times he has left only to come back to apologize. I do wonder is it me or is it my stuff???
I am tired too of all the arguing..
Calgon take me awaaaaaayyyyy.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
easier to blame us
When I asked my exF why I was the only person he did not mind
1.not following through with what he promised
2.saying hurtful things
3.being rude to
4.cursing at
he replied that it was becasue I was closer -------and then he looked at me blankly and said"that can't be right" for a split second he saw the truth, the person trying to GIVE him the most was the one he abused
It is easier for them to make things ONE persons fault rather then deal with each person for what they are respondsible for
It MUST be something in the
It MUST be something in the air.. Perhaps the tides or the moon or something!!!
I would say that we have a big blow out over the skids about once a quarter...
I love that.. "you really DO like kids, dont you" That is a riot!!! I am sure that went over like a lead balloon.. I know what my DH's response would be like if I said that.. lol.. Not good either.
OH.. and then this am DH is asking me where he left something that is for the skids.. I said.. I dont know.. you squirreled it away somewhere and I havent seen it since it came in. Great!!! now he is going to tear apart the house and basement looking for this crap.. GREAT!!
again.. It must be the tides or the moon!
HOW IS THAT RIGHT?
and how come they dont see it?? why are their kids ok to misbehave but we have to be PERFECT?? I dont get it, I do not put up with the wrong things my Bkids do so why is it ok for him to do it AND why is it we get the anger and hurt when it belongs to the Bkids or ex???
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I always get that, too. We
I always get that, too. We go through these periods of time when my H is fine and then...boom! He is mad at me and telling me how I don't like my SD and how I hate her, and we fight like we did last week...now he is as sweet as pie to me again. They say women have PMS, what the heck do guys have?
US TOO
Like last night, I got attitude cuz (again about his BS)he says that it is hard for him to divide his time b/w two houses. I told him that I could not have his 17y/o bs living with me and my son.(he is toxic) he was upset cuz he thinks that if his son moves in with me (and FH) then that will make the BS more responsible.wtf? this "boy" doesnt have a clue what he wants and does not mind hurting everyone around him.
but guess who the bad guy is??? thatz right yours truly???
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Cranial Rectal Inversion
We have PMS they have CRI. My Dh is the same way when it comes to SD. Last week I helped Sd with a project, she went to her BM's on Friday and I asked her 3 times if she had everything she needed before she left and she said yes. Well she calls DH yesterday and says "I need ____". I told DH that she should have taken care of this before she left and BM could get what she needed. Well SD whined and Dh caved as usual and took her what she needed, I said "I want to talk to her about this, we worked on this together and she was supposed to have this". Dh told me no, I was not allowed to say anything, he "didn't want to get into it". WTF is the deal??? He would have no problem calling my kids out on something like that. Pisses me off!
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
know what I get
when that happens, (his BD will come over on his EOW and says I need this and I need that right away for school)when I ask why doesnt BM get that stuff (since he pays CS regularly) I get the puppy dog eyes and a shrug of the shoulders, and off he marches to the store for supplies for BD.
excuse me but last time I asked you for something ( to help with a bill) I got " I dont have the money!"
geez.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Ack! My husband does that!
Drives me crazy. He will drop everything and take SD shopping if there is something she "needs." She makes a laundry list of things for him to buy her, including makeup, fingernail polish, etc. And if she says she needs it, he will buy it. I'm sorry, but she's 14. Makeup isn't a necessity, like soap or shampoo. Especially when every time they go to the store he ends up spending $20 or more on her cosmetics.
That is a good point.. Why
That is a good point.. Why ARE we always expected to be perfect??? My dh puts up w/all kinds of comments and crap from the ex.. but god forbid I make a stink about something, I get shot down immediately.. he has no problem saying NO to me.. but she can ask and he does for her.
Men are dumb!
amen sista
I am so tired!!!
take this job and shove it!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I most often get ideas shot down
because "it will make her mad". He is starting to understand that SHE IS ALWAYS MAD. my answer is always "So? - she's going to be mad no matter what you say, so why not do what's right/best for the kids/better for us all in the long run" I get tired of her comfort and happiness being the number one goal. What about the other 3 people that live in THIS house?????
How did he do that?
How did he manage to do all that for BM when he can't even help pay the bills or support his own kids? Did he have a job when he was with her? If so, how come he can't keep one while married to you?
I Still Think
I still think that if he can buy her a diamond ring, the very least he can do is hang a crummy picture for you whether he's working or not!
Oh my god, my H's exwife
Oh my god, my H's exwife too. She is the laziest person I know! She got a part time job at a gas station, and she was so stressed out, she had to quit! Now anytime my H calls her house she is taking a nap and is mad when he wakes her! I work full time, keep the house clean, laundry, and cook and that isn't enough! I can't stand her!
My husband's ex-wife
Worked while they were married. Then, once she remarried, she quit working. Hasn't worked for 10 years. She just filed to get custody of SD14 and CS from us. We have had SD for four years with NO CS. In her court papers she said she was without means or assets to pay her lawyer's fees or the court costs but that my husband was able-bodied, able to make enough money to pay all her costs in addition to his own. What the hell?! She has a four-year college degree, just like him. Choosing not to work doesn't absolve you of any financial responsibility with regard to your kids. Every time I think about her sitting on her butt watching soap operas (which I know she does) while I'm working 40 hours a week to support HER child, I just get furious!
I guess not TOO dumb
As she is able to get my husband to chase his tail any time he hears her voice!
stupid smart
it is incredible to me too...My BF ex never worked when they were married and he worked long hours and took care of the kids and house
Now he is with me..I work long hours take care of the house, feed the kids...who is the dumb one????
where is that frying pan I need a big bump on the head!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
commute
silly me I did forget about that, I have nearly a two hour commute each day too.
FH ex, works a mear 20 minutes and does not even have to have custody of the oldest to still get support. wtf?
I ask for 20.00 for utilities, I get a huff and a puff..
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Crazy like a fox
I swear my husband screws things up on purpose so he won't have to do them any more. After enough times of him wadding up my permanent press so that I had to iron everything, and putting reds and whites together (hence the whites became pinks), I don't want him to touch the laundry any more.
When he washes dishes, half of them have to be rewashed. When I pull something out of the cupboard and it has food crusted on it, gross!
how old is he?
My 18 y/o does that to me.
asked him to wash the dishes, ok yeah but he did it without soap and COLD water..UGH!!
ok back to writing notes for these guys.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
You know what I get?
You know what I get when my husband washes dishes (oh, which he has done 2 times since we have been together for 7 years)? That he wants a pat on the back! I always just say I would rather do it the right way anyway, he always does things half ass anyway!
Oh yeah that too
If someone does One little thing (like take the trash out or take the laundry down and god forbid sweep) I no sooner get in the door and I hear?? did you notice I did blah blah??
oh goodie goodie two shoes..
here is your lollipop..
whatever..
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
ha!
ha!