in some cases, it is actually a good idea to have a separate account for your child and one for his child if child support is coming in or going out. that is actually the only expense my DH pays out of his account.

Again, it depends on what the two of you agree on. Marriage counseling with someone who has experience in blended families may be a good idea.

My mom & step dad keep their finances seperate. That way, she can buy $65 moisturizer & he can buy that $200 drill & no one has to question each other. They come together for bills & as long as the bills get paid there isn't a problem. As independant as I am I think this is healthy, especially of my spending habits. I love to shop, but at the same time my credit sparkles. I don't want anyone screwing up my credit. If they screw up their own that's their problem.

Having your own money means you don't have to answer for every nickle & dime you have or spend. If you can find a way to budget better (easier said than done, I know) you can use this to your advantage. He doesn't have to know about any extra money or back accounts, & neither does his daughter.

Frankly, I think your money situation is just one symptom of the real problem. You guys aren't united in anything it seems, & it also seems to be his fault.

BTW - if I could get you a b-day gift I would. I hope you have a good birthday.

Hipi

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

I keep a separate account for my children now because in the past, their CS money was getting sucked into the household budget/being consumed as household income. I feel better doing it this way because I can set up an automatic savings plan and I know something is getting put away for college/future. Also, if they need sports equipment or field trip money, it comes out of their account. I realize not all parents have ability to do this but I'm glad I'm able to do it this way because I know what is intended for them goes to them.

I do all the money in our house but it just so happens that DH1 and DH2 didn't want anything to do with the finances. If I'd have married a man that didn't want me to run the financial show, I would have to have separate accounts because that's just not something I'm willing to part with. I have to know where every penny goes.

"Bitter? Table for ONE..."

DH and I have separate accounts, too. He still pays CS for one child and will continue for another year and a half (yay!) He pays these bills, I pay those bills and we each can spend our "free" money as we see fit. I used to hate having to ask my ex for permission to buy something for myself. So now if I want something, I buy it and my DH can't say a thing about it, so long as all the bills are paid.

Let me ask you this. I assume you receive CS for your son. How would you feel if your son's CS money went to pay for something your SD wanted?

We plan on setting up a budget in Jan so we can figure out how to make the most out of our single income. I don't work so it's unrealistic for me to have my own account anymore, unless DH deposited some in a second one. To me, it would feel like I was getting an allowance. I am not a big spender. We shop for a lot of things together. Our downfall is we don't like telling the other one no. If he wants it I feel he earned it and I ask for so little he doesn't complain. But without a budget we are falling short of anything but paycheck to paycheck. DH makes really good money and is looking at a promotion in the spring which will help a ton.

I have never felt the need for separate accounts in either marriage, but at both times I have been staying at home for a good deal of time. Once again, don't like the whole "allowance" feeling.
Peace, love, and red wine

"but then he decided he wanted me to get my own bank account, and pay for everything that has to do with my son or myself out of that"

So the men get a wife & housekeeper, but only pay for themselves?? This attitude is so sick. IMO
I can see that more and more men are doing this and more women are letting them.

Much like some of the rest of you as soon as we were married and living together DH took me to the bank and put me on his account. We also kept my account from the state I came from because it was a credit union and there are no fees PLUS I had a little bit of money in it. When we went to visit my parents we went to the credit union and I put him on my account there. I guess I'm lucky in that My DH does make more money than me but he knows that I make good money too and nothing is ever questioned. He pays the CS for his daughter out of the same money...I bought braces for my daughter out of the same money. The way we look at it is this - we both work extremely hard and if we want it and the bills are paid we get it. Like Zenmom we usually shop together and neither will tell the other no. Good for us we both have a good head on our shoulders when it comes to money. I have no intention of leaving him but if I ever did I would just do it....life is too short to be unhappy because you're broke.
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

I am an accountant so it is only natural that I would be in charge financially. DH has a seperae account that I transfer a set amount in each time he gets paid. CS comes straight out of his check so we do not pay that. BM does not send the medical bills that we are supposed to pay half on. Not sure why but she doesn't. I know they are covered under our insurance and her new husband's so there may not be any bills leftover after that. Anyway, I am sure she will hit us up at the most inopportune time. Anyway, I am crazy about $$ and have to know where every dime goes. Love making budgets and spreadsheets to see where the $$ goes. DH loves this because he always knows the bills are paid and he has his $$ to spend how he pleases. We do not buy anything for the skids during the year unless it is bday or Christmas and then depending on how they have treated me, he buys or I will buy or help buy.

but if BF ever needs anything and doesn't have the money I defiantely pitch in. In regards to his son, I don't buy him much because he has both parents, an aunt, and grandparents that spoil him rotten. I buy him a treat every so often but thats it. I pay my own daughter's way, it's a responsibility I don't feel comfortable putting on my BF.

My SO (who lives with me and my 2 girls) has never had a problem paying for all of us. As a matter of fact, he even bought them school supplies and school shoes. He pays for meals when we go out, buys the groceries, and if we happen to go to an amusment park or anything else he pays....ALL OF WHICH GOES ON HIS CREDIT CARD!!! He offered soooo much to his ex that all he gets to keep at the end of the month is about $1500....$550 for his truck, $250 for his insurance (bad driver!) $200 cc payment and $300/m for my engagement ring (I wish he didn't finance it...but it is beautiful!). He's only left with $300/m and I don't even know where that goes to. I pay all the living expenses and utility bills. We have seperate accounts, but I think we're going to combine accounts so we can manage our finances better. I will still keep my savings seperate, and keep putting some of my "fun money" in there. He treats all of the kids equal and I'm very thankful for that!

It sounds like something from the 1920s but my husband and I make almost the same amount of money so we have separate accounts and it is pretty equal for the household expenses. Now the crumbsnatchers are different because there are only his two and we have full custody of them so we don't think twice about it. We have separate accounts because we have both been burned financially.
My ex husband and I, on the other hand, had a joint account. Worst mistake of my life.

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln