And I don't know if I have any good answers. My husband and I have been together since SD was 8 (she's now 14). We have primary custody. Frankly, in that time it has not gotten any better. We (husband and I) ended up in counseling because both were sick of the situation and each other. Our No. 1 (and just about only) source of conflict is SD. The counselor said something I try to keep in my mind. Do you want to give your SS the power to ruin your relationship with the person you love? Deep down I really do love my husband, and allowing my SD to drive me away will only make all of us unhappy. I can't control her happiness, only my own. I have very much disengaged from her. I do not do anything specifically for her, that is her father's responsibility. If it's a pain for him, so be it. SD hit me one day, them told mom I hit her. Pandemonium ensued, and my husband did NOT back me up. So I guess it depends on how much you can take and how committed you are to this relationship. Do you love your husband enough to MAKE him take responsibility for this child's actions? And will he?

My SS is 14, I have been with his dad since he was 6, married his dad when he was 8. It has now been 3 months since he has stepped foot into our home nor have I spoken to him, his BM, my inlaws. The day before his birthday in July, he mouthed off at me and I told him to go to his room till his dad came home. He told me he was leaving, I said no, go to your room and stood in front of the front door. Well, he slammed me into the wall and front door and I had to fight as hard as I could to get him off of me. He then went through the back door and went to his mom's. (she lives about 3 blocks away). Anyway, my life has been a nightmare for hell since then. He told his mother and everyone else that I punched him in the chest. Let me tell you, this child (although he seems to think he's not one)is over 6 feet tall and 190#. I am 5'6 and 145#. He left bruises on my chest, shoulder and arm. Needless to say, it has caused major problems in our household.
All those posts about whether you would do it all over again if you knew then what you know now? I don't know if I could!! I have two very beautiful little boys (3 and 5) who I cannot imagine my life without. And, yes I do love my DH, but it's been one hell of a road that I have traveled. I know that when you choose to become a partner, a spouse of someone with kids it is your choice. But when that person with the kids chooses you, shouldn't they also realize that it is also a choice and that because you get married, everything between you, them and BM's or BD's and skids doesn't just set it self up for happily ever after? I truly think, no I know, that my DH just assumed that because I loved him that it would come naturally for his child and I to mesh together and love one another and that would be it. THE END.
Sometimes and this is just my opinion, but after reading most of these posts it seems to me that it's the SM's that are having more trouble than the SD's with skids. It's like my DH just assumed because I am a woman that mothering his son would just be an automatic thing, he could get up go to work and I would just assume the domestic engineering role with no problem. This is also just my opinion but I also see like in my situation, my DH has just taken for granted that as long as his son was in our home and I was there to bow down to his every need it was ok for him to be at work, out of town for god knows how long at a time, but as long as HIS son was under OUR roof, he was content with that! That's all that mattered. Even if he didn't see his son before he left in the morning or after he came home at night because it was late it didn't matter. He was still in OUR house! That is not spending time with your son.
Three years ago, my SS, tired of being with me and his halfbrother constantly, told his BM, and dad that I had been beating him! I was actually pregnant at this time and on bedrest, but anyway. I then lost that baby and the SS told me I didn't need another baby anyway. he was too old to already have the one we had already given him! He was 10!
The BM (especially) and DH saw me as a convenience factor, but the SS and I both told them in no uncertain terms that being together all of the time (when he wanted to spend time with them and I was trying to raise our two little ones) was about to come to a head. They both kind of blew us off.
Which brings us to today. After three months of not speaking and sleeping in separate bedrooms, my husband actually came to me and said he was sorry for everything. What he includes in that everything I don't know, but it got us talking again. What it also means and I know that it's hard on him and my two little ones, is that to see his son with our two boys he must go somewhere else without me and my boys don't understand why I am not there. Unfortunately, it came to this before my DH would take any responsibility and now I have to live with the fact that my SS has put his hands on me. I left my first husband (no kids) because he had abused me. Thank God for therapy!
Also, as far as disengaging yourself a friend of my with skids told me a long time ago to do just that. Stop beating yourself up if they won't brush their teeth, take a shower, do their chores. Tell them once and that's it. Tell their BM or BD if they don't listen the first time and leave it at that. Right before our incident in July I did just that. I also told his dad and BM that I was no longer picking up/dropping off at school, sports anything. They didn't like it but it freed me from being talked down to or even cursed out and being left in tears anymore.
Anyway, I know this post is long, but after all these years and all this stuff, I still don't know how much longer I can do it, but I will try for the sake of my boys and I do love my DH. I also don't feel guilty anymore about not liking or having those motherly feelings about my SS, I know he doesn't feel bad about hating me! BTW, my DH left BM when SS was 6 because BM was sleeping with DH's sister's husband, but yet I made his dad leave his mom. Anyway, he'll find out soon enough. Good luck to you!

Get a babysitter at least one or two Saturday nights every month and GET AWAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND for a few hours.

~ Anne ~

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It is this child's father's responsibility to discipline him. Children cannot be allowed to behave disrespectfully to their parents OR stepparents. It seems your husband needs to step up and take action with his son. If you are willing to sacrifice so much of your life, about 40% of it, to spending time with HIS children, the least he can do for you is expect his children to give HIS WIFE the respect she deserves. Your SS is certainly old enough to have these sorts of expectations placed upon him.
Best of luck to you.

You are HIS WIFE!! Would he let a guy at the pub talk to HIS WIFE the way HIS KIDS DO?? Why is it so different? Makes me mad...

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

This is great site to get advice from people who get where you are coming from..but to get the most out of a post, it is best to start a fresh one as people may not read your post here.

Go to the forum section click general discussions and post new blog or start new post there. Otherwise you can also create an account, go to your account page and post a personal blog from there.

Hope this helps.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*