You absolutely cannot make decisions for yourself based on what someone else wants. You can never let her have that kind of power over you. The first time you let an ex dictate your life, that's it. You give an inch, they'll take a mile. Next time, call her bluff. If she doesn't show up at her daughter's event, then that's between her and her daughter. She chose not to be there. You didn't "make" her not be there. It's a free world and you have every right to go where you want to go and be where you want to be. Go to the game as dad's girlfriend, as invited by the daughter and as a member of the general public. She has no right to tell you not to go.

~ Anne ~

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To outright emotionally abuse and blackmail her own children that way!!! People that are this vindictive, Anne's right, ignore her. She will only "get off" more if she knows it affects you.

Knowing that she is an extremely irrational to the point of inflicting mental anguish on her children, perhaps you can suggest to C that counseling be an option. Or possibly setting boundries through the court. Her behavior needs to be toned down for the sake of those poor kids, and it does not sound like she will be a willing party in general decency and couth voluntarily.

There are several great resources that C and you can read to help better understand and deal w/ the situation. Then when you are done reading them, you guys can "gift" them to her!(Some people just need a little nudge in the right direction.) C has to stand up to this woman for his kids and let her know that this BS will no longer be tolerated! I can private message you the names of a few books that are very insightful in matters such as this.

"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha

anne is right!

my mother did this to me once, and as a kid, it put so much pressure on me, all I wanted was for people to be routing for me during my games, nothing else. It's really sad that a person will put this type of pressure on her own kid.

I would ignore her, and go if you want to go watch your bf's daughter. If she makes a scene, she will only make an ass out of herself. If she decides to not go to her own daughter's game, well, then she will have to deal with those repercussions with her own child.

Anne is right, you give an inch, and they take a mile without any regard. Go to the game, and let the toddler have a fit. Just enjoy your life as you would w/o bm involved...

Candice

If you going means that she won't be there - well, it will be a relaxing and fun event for you. And she'll be the one missing out. She's full of it. Just wants to push your buttons and keep control over all she sees. Ignore her!! Go to the games, and have fun.

Call her bluff. She's not going to kick her daughter out because then that would take away her paycheck...I mean child support check. haha She just wants to see how much control she really has and see if he's still "in love" enough with her to honor her ridiculous wishes. I say go to the game and to hell with her.

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

Just show up at the game...afterall you were invited by SD. And if step daughter asked you a second time...and she knew what her mom said the first time..then maybe she doesn't care if the rest of the family is there or not. What does your BF say about all this? You didn't give much input on his feelings about it and what does he say to his ex?

Sorry to hear all that. It really sucks when things are that new to hear the craziness. I have gotten used to it to a degree it but it is very upsetting - as somebody else put it -to have to perform all the mental gymnastics. We now go on the premise that she is always bluffing and that has made all the difference. Makes things much less stressful and she ends up looking like the a$$.

She is trying to intimidate you. This is a classic power struggle. She doesn't rule your life. Let her threats fall on deaf ears.

I hate it when they pull the illness card, bm tried something similar about a week before the divorce was final, and she didn't even know that I was in the picture at the time. I was living in another state.
She now has "vacations from reality" as I like to call them a couple of times a year. She checks herself into the mental health ward. I wonder if she is doing it just for the medical leave. You should see the act she puts on. I saw her at a store right after she checked out, and I kid you not this 40+ y/o woman was walking like she was 90 years old. I had to look twice, because I thought I had made mistaken someone else for her. Now since when does a mental problem affect the way you walk? Geesh

I have had migraines since I was 4 years old, and the last thing I want to do when I have one is go to the hospital, sit under those lights for an hour or two, and then get a couple of shots, that will give me a hangover headache the next day. This seemed to be the consensus among the other members of my migraine support group.

**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**

I think the name says it all....
I too am very frustrated with this whole situation. I have tried to be reasonable with the ex to no avail...
Really, what do you say to a woman who tells her own daughter that if her fathers girlfriend goes to a football field (not an intimate setting in the least) to watch her and cheer her on, that she was not only not going to attend but the rest of her family wouldn't attend?
I have stated the obvious, hoping she would see she was being completely irrational and childish. You would think when her crying daughter is telling her on the phone "to grow up and get over it." All she kept doing was saying that this was my fault until my daughter told her that she and her friend invited Pixi, and then it was their fault too.

I think she feels threatened by a few things;
1. I have dated less than a hand full of woman in the 4 years I have been divorced and even less than that (including Pixi) for more than 1 or 2 dates. This tells the ex that Pixi must be special.
2. I have only introduced my children to one other woman that I dated in the last 4 years and they only met her twice. This also tells the ex that Pixi is a special person.
3. The fact that my kids actually like Pixi. (They didn't like the other one)(They could not have been more on the money)
4. But mostly when my daughter actually stood up for Pixi and told her mother "If you took the time to get to know Pixi you would realize she is a great person." I think that not only made her angry but it also hurt her feelings. But you know that is her issue, not mine.

I have to say the fact that my daughter stood up to her mother for Pixi just reinforces what I have been saying to and about Pixi since the first actual date we had. She is everything I want in a woman and I am not the only one who sees it.

I feel I should clarify something so everyone knows how I can be so sure. I don't believe in Love at first sight. I think too many people date because they think they are supposed to date and end up with someone for all the wrong reasons. Hell in the beginning (of being single again) I made some horrible decisions for all the wrong reasons. Then I decided I was tired of wasting my time dating and seeing if there was anything I liked about a woman. So I took some me time, decided what I was truly looking for, and based my search on those things that are important to me.

I feel very confident that Pixi could be my next and last marriage (perhaps, only time will tell) and I am not going to let an immature ex ruin that for me.

Thank you sweetie for being patient through this drama and believe me when I tell you it will be worth it!

And I wish you both the best! You are mutually supportive to each other, and to the boyfriend's daughter. You stand up for each other, appreciate each other's struggles, and work together as a team. I'd say the recipe for a happy future together!

Best of luck!

Thanks =-)

Pixi's Man is right. It's obvious that BM is very jealous of the new relationship that you have with him and his daughter. He sounds like a great guy. It is BM's own fault for missing her daughter's game because she was acting too childish to be at the same place with the "new" girlfriend. Too bad she changed her mind on sending his daughter to live with ya'll. I don't know why BM's always threaten that like it is some kind of punishment. Just ignore her. Good luck to you both.

This post is so refreshing. After I read Pixi's Man post, the tears welled up and started to flow...from sheer joy at such tenderness between the two of you!

May I just offer some unsolicited advice regarding the ex? Learn to become indifferent to the ex, to her emotions, to her manipulations, even to your desire to analyze why she does or doesn't do something. Indifference is the opposite of love; simply not caring what her responses are will give you years of tranquility.

I taught this philosophy of indifference to my hubby (about his ex) and it was a one-eighty change on how the ex's decisions and behavior affected our home. Learn the mantra "whatever" when the ex "acts out." This will avoid the power control that seems to infect us at times, insidious as it is. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

Not sure you need my advice, you both are on a good foundation on your own.

from Pixi's man. Good to see a man stand up for his woman. Somehow we don't hear that much around here.