Why do they lie so much??
Does any one understand why BM and the skids lie so much?? And also why the DH just lets it happen instead of calling them out on their lies. I try so hard not to say anything but it just irritates me to no end how he just let's it go I can tell you that other than the lies that my father continues to hide behind, i confront everyone in my life if they lie to me I don;t take it lightly I think that it is important to tell the truth. Especially when it deals with your children why would you tell your child ( this has been going on since she was 5) to lie so that daddy will let you .....???How does anyone else handle this ?? And the BM tells so many of them I told my husband that i think that from now on they should communicate through a journal ( got that off of someone else's page & thought that it would be good in our situation) and that way it is in balck adn white what she said so there is no doubt about it .... Iam :barf: of it!!
Here's what my DH says.......and what I say!
This is a really sensitive issue for me and just thinking about it makes my blood boil. I deal with the lying constantly. It never ends. My husband knew when we first began dating how much I detested lying. I left my daughter's dad for the same cause 11 years ago and now I've married in to a family who appears to do it on a daily basis and encourages it.
DH says he lies about the BM, SS, and grandparents to avoid arguing with me since he knows how much I hate the lying that they all do. I'm also a tad bit of a hothead and he knows my temper is short when it comes to them. I've asked him repeatedly to stop doing it since he knows I'll eventually find out the truth and I'm working really hard on controlling my emotions when I hear something I don't like. However, I have an uncanny sixth sense when it comes to lies, and I can sense when I'm being told the lie or when SS, BM, or grandparents are lying to DH. It drives me crazy. DH always tells me it'll stop but it never does. SS knows I have his number now and he avoids me like the plague and DH can't seem to understand why. :O And he doesn't understand why I have no desire to speak to SS. Other than things we can both look at and see are true, like the grass is green, the moon is out, the sky is black, SS can't be trusted. He's lied so much that you can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. BM calls and lies on our answering machine. The grandparents call and leave lies on our answering machine. I can't seem to put any distance between myself and this issue to get away from it and don't understand how a family has functioned this way for so long? :?
As far as SS goes, I'm certain if he were evaluated by a professional, they would deem him as a pathological liar. I have busted him in so many lies that if I ever collected a quarter for each one, I bet I could take myself to Disney World for a week and stay in the Grand Floridian. I guess depending on DH's mood, it determines the way he reacts to the lie. Somedays, DH appears to care and will address the SS about it while other days, he actually tells me he believes the boy, when we have solid proof that he's lied. I don't get it at all.
The journal idea will work with some families, if both parents are able to communicate with one another in the first place, which my DH and the ex aren't able to do. They'd just write down more lies.
Good luck!
My SS is a born liar! He
My SS is a born liar! He could never and still cannot lie very well. When he was younger he would try to lie and we knew he was by the way he wouldn't look at us or that his story would fall apart and change as he continued to try and tell it.
4 years ago he lied to his father, BM and grandparents and said that I beat him when no one was around. Well his dad made him come over and as I listened to him tell his dad, wait try to tell his dad his story, it just feel apart on him and he admitted he was lying! Now at 14, he still lies but his mother his a born liar also!
We were out of town about 6 months ago and my boys were with my husband's parents. Well, SS was with his mom and my boys wanted him to go to the Children's Museum with them (they are 4 and 2), their MaMaw and their Nanny. He said yes. Well the night before, he calls his MaMaw and tells her he isn't going to go because he's going to the movies with a friend instead. MIL is disappointed so are the boys, and my husband and I are pissed because we think that BM should have made him go with his brothers because he needed to do the right thing.
Well come to find out, he lied so that he could go fishing with his Nanny's ex-husband who his mother had an affair with which is why my husband divorced her ass in the first place! SS doesn't know this story, but he still called and lied to his family, his little brothers, to go fishing with this loser instead! It gets better! BM calls the Nanny to see if shes upset that SS isn't going with them so he could go with his friend to the movies! She set the whole thing up cause she's still sleeping with the Nanny's ex-husband and has been trying since she cheated on my husband with the loser to push my SS and the loser together! My SS has a wonderful role model in his mom!
He has also since lied about me hitting him again, when in fact he grabbed me and threw into a wall and now for some unknown reason, my in-laws, who has lied to in the past, believe him and we are now not speaking! I cannot stand lying and I know the journal idea would not work with our BM, it would on my end, but definitely not on hers!
Lieing
I wonder if anything's the truth anymore - between swins & DH. He lies so I won't get mad at what he done/bought or failed to do/get the swins. Swins are told to lie to me to support his lie. Swins lie on their own to emulate Dad. I stand no chance of changing them but I catch almost every lie b.c. 1) I have great hearing & can hear way too much & retain it all also 2) My memory is good (I know whats/what & where vs. DH & BM focusing on their own life so they are too easily lied too. Case of I have nothing better to do... I follow up & don't miss my mark. Wick Step Mom that I am. One things for sure, I don't leave them waiting somewhere b.c. I forgot the time to pick up or 1/2 day school, etc.
Journal.....
We found the journal to be a wonderful thing....however, after only apprx 8 wks, the witchy BM sent it back on the visitation and said she tried it, didn't like it and we were to keep it cause she didn't want it back. I think she figured out what we were doing.
So what I have done is any notes that go back and forth, are immediately copied and attached to this journal anyways and we continue to keep it at our house. That way when we catch her in her next lie which will come shortly I am sure, I will just photocopy her last lying page and send it back with our written response.
I too hate the lies, can't stand them. Sick to death of them actually! I would rather they say nothing when asked, rather than lie about it.
Corie
I don't let steps bother me
I don't let steps bother me because I don't really have that much to do with them. I am very nice but superficial. I am not their mother. They have a mother. So no matter what they do, it doesn't bother me. I see the two older skids three times a year. The younger one comes every other weekend and I disappear.
This works for me.
I am Dealing with
The QUEEN of liers. She is in my opinion the best lier I have ever had to deal with. She can't tell the truth even about the simple things. DH is in the middle of a court battle with this lier. DH is going for a modification in CS. We were totally honest with what he makes and gave everything when asked regarding income. She on the other hand has had about 4 court ordered deadlines to produce documentation and she has failed to meet any of them. When she finally does gives us paperwork regarding her income is is manufactured, incomplete, and just not useable. I found so many lies and I can't go into them until the court date is over but I think I finally nailed her. That is if the court will allow it. I am finding out that court is nothing but a big chess game and the more deceptive you are the better. BM is a master at deception. What bothers me is that she is blatenly telling lies yet the courts back her up!!!! This is a woman that left all of her children, left the country, and quite frankly did not support any of her children for 2 years. Then had the nerve to come back and try to take custody. I am trying hard to understand how this woman has ANY rights at all. She is only in the childrens lives to torture DH. She doesn't do a thing for the kids outside of what is court ordered. Why do you have to have a court order to give a birthday gift or chistmas gift???? I don't understand why we have to deal with this.
Lies
My sd is the princess of liars. I have caught her in so many lies. The frustrating thing is that her dad will just believe whatever she says. I could have HD quality video with sound and she would say That's not me, and he would believe her every time. I am not sure if he just doesn't want to have to have a confrontation with her or just does not want to believe that his little girl could tell him a lie. It has made me very numb and has caused me to detach just to preserve my sanity. This step parenting business is so difficult. Sometimes I wish I would have never gotten involved.
*sigh*
Georgie
E-mail Only
This became our rule years ago in order to try and control all the lies from SK's and BM. It hasn't help stop the lies...heck, hasn't even slowed them down. In fact the older the SK's get, the more they lie. I used to think SK's lied to BM about things pertaining to our home and visitation time was out of self preservation because of the punishment they would receive from BM once they got home and she found out they had done some activity here that she forbade...such as polishing toenails and fingernails, riding a go cart, being outside all day, etc.......
It's no wonder they lie!!!!! They're not ALLOWED to do anything fun here and she's made it too rewarding to go home and TELL ON US. Yes, she actually gives them material rewards.
DH and are are at an impasse with these kids. In fact, after my post about "Sneaky little spies", DH is planning on telling the SK's next weekend that he's going to start giving them a choice as to whether they want to come visit or not. I think this is a terrible mistake!!!
Those poor kids won't stand a chance to be raised in a moral, undramatic, safe environment. They've always loved coming here to get away from BM for a little while but once BM finds out they will have a choice, I'm afraid that she will make sure they CHOOSE to stay home with her. I know DH is worried as well, because after we talk to his kids and give them their choice, he wants to email BM and let her know about it but let her know that he wants 24 hours notice if the kids aren't coming and to warn her not to plan a lot of "FUN" things so that they'll want to stay there....she's been known to do this in the past and created a lot of problems because of it, including court.
I hope DH changes his mind about his decision.
Sorry, didn't mean to go on....I HATE LIARS!!!!
"I prefer my life STRESS FREE...When you're STRESSIN'...You're STRESSIN' me"
Lying is common.
My FSS lies a lot. It's hard because he feels like he needs to present a different face to his parents. I have reached the point where I call him on his lies, which usually are more exaggerations than anything by saying, "That sounds implausible." or just telling him that it's immature to lie but he definitely gets different feedback from BM.
I think he lies less than he used to, or he's getting better at it. It's sad because I really don't like lying. I think it's best to try to make them realize that this is one world we live in but if you cannot see eye to eye with the skid's 2nd home it's pretty hard.
I think custodial agreement should be made by the adults only because it is an adult decision. Kids should be allowed to be kids.
all about the drama !!!
My SD would lie when the truth would suit her better!!!! But, as long as she is getting the attention that she truely desired, lying would suit her purpose !!!!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!