Oh boy...I "do" mind BUT...it's something that's not a big deal as long as I am privvy to it at "all times".....I once found out he drove ex home from parent/teacher night through a text message she sent him asking him to "wait for her." I didn't have any clue...he told me everything about his evening, except the fact that she bummed a ride from him home....I nearly lost it!!!!! (This was 3 days after the fact.) I just kept thinking - he is NOT your husband anymore..stop relying on him - I just wanted to scream!!!

What I did was a few weeks later I made up a story that I ran into an exbf and he needed a ride and I gave it to him, blah blah. DH was beside himself...It's the only thing that works with my guy.

tolerated.. If her vehicle is not reliable then go get a job and ge ta new one. Its not his responsibility to cart her ass around. The SD yes its ok for him to take the time to do that stuff but not to cart her around.. Thats crazy. She needs to be told though about the marriage. I am telling you what I know some of these ladies are nuts but he is not being up front with her. Tell her so it can stop. she is probably thinking that there may be slight chance for them to get together.

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Provided she was strapped to the hood.

Definitely tell her about the marriage, because she needs to know now that things will be changing and losing her chaffeur is only one of many changes heading her way. Nip it now.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

the men can't seem to stand up to their ex. I just plain don't get it. Do any of them have any balls? No, I wouldn't like it and I'm not even engaged. As my therapist would say.."this behavior is inappropriate for divorced people if both of them or either of them are in a relationship" Period..the end!

Wow, I wouldn't let my husband do that, I would tell bm that it's her problem! And to get a life! That is her responsibility to care for the child when the child is w/her. And yes make it clear to her that you are engaged.

-happy mom

Did your therapist really belive that? Sometimes I try to be more liberal than I am....I always second guess what the boundaries should be between two divorced mature adults who divorced amicably....

Did your therapist really belive that? Sometimes I try to be more liberal than I am....I always second guess what the boundaries should be between two divorced mature adults who divorced amicably....

They just can't stand up to the BM???? WHY???? I find it amusing that the do what the ex wants, and cause a fight at home??? I would rather stand up to my ex and keep my new marriage happy....I don't know why the BM think because they have a child together that they can run our lives?? Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like the schedule it totally around BM's life, to make it easier for her not SD but her and I get sooo sick of it. It is not easy for the rest of us and it just can't all be about BM....

you're getting married and tell her what is acceptable and what is not. She needs to know where her place is: in the past and get your own life. Sorry to be so blunt, I'm angry for you.

Hell no!
If he can't tell her you're getting married and he can't tell her to find her own ride to her daughter's dr appt, then how will things be when you're married? I had these red flags waved in front of me prior to marriage too. I chose to ignore them. You and bf need to come to an understanding before you are married. In my humble experience, it tends to get worse after you've taken your vows.

I want to scream to every woman who is preparing to marry a previously divorced man - go to couple's counseling first. Learn how to compromise without giving up what's truly important to you.

I am the odd one out here but I have to throw in a comment or two. I am the ex that gets the ride(not Dawnmblacks---lol)
Any time me or my kids need something that we can't provide for ourselves and my ex is capable for the sake of the kids he is more than willing to help. It took years to get to this point and at first it bothered his wife, but I backed off whenever I knew she was bothered. Now at this point me and his wife talk more than me and him. She is the one who cares for me kids the most when they visit there, and I am called aunt lisa by her kids and babysit and do favors for them whenever they ask.
If I am getting a ride from my ex for any reason I do feel odd sitting in her seat but she and the kids are always welcome to be with us at any time. I actually prefer that she does come along.
Most of the time he just loans me the van and I do their errands for them as well as mine while I am out.
On the other hand if their vehicle is broke down, mine is available to them. Not only do we do this as favors for friends that we would do for any other friend in need but we also do this to make sure all the NEEDS of ALL OF OUR KIDS are met.
I love her kids as much as my own and if anything ever happened to the two of them my getting custody is already in place. If anything happens to me they get custody of my kids. I know they both love all of my kids as their own.
I think keeping our friendship and interaction this close is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and our kids. The stress of being a step or having a step is non existant between us.
I do however understand how you feel about your husbands ex. My BF's ex has been a terrible thorn in my side from day one and I can't stand the thought of her being in my place in many things. Hell I can't stand to even hear her name most of the time.
I think the feelings come more with what the ex is like and the relationship you have with them more than what kind of person you are.
Trust your feelings...there's a reason for them....pick your battles...decide if you can work with this and how so it isn't a bone of contention between you and your husband...good luck exes a hard issue to deal with, otherwise there would be no need for this site, right?---lol

Lisa Dawn