Vent you say?
Heres my vent since i cant sleep... we have the kids every other week when its summer vacation..
one of the kids was supposed to start school this upcoming Monday.. and that would conclude our summer visitation...and it would resume to ever other weekend now with a dash of wednesday nights.
WEDNESDAY NIGHT which pisses me off. sorry to say i hate wednesday nights , but its almost like a waste of gas to be running across town to pick them up.. run back across town to the bmx track just for practice just to run them back across town to drop them back off and then drive back across town to get home at about 10:30pmish.. it may not sound like too much but when all that driving is taking place. IT IS A DRAG. And to top it off.. the bitch wont let them eat because shes so wrapped up in the RULE BOOK .. and what can we do besides go to crappy Mc Donalds PUKE GAG...we cant go home , make a dinner and then fly away to run around in circles all night..its too much. And dont get me wrong, i know that any time dad can spend time with his kids is all that and steak- im just talking with my tired ass emotions right now.
Anyway.. the big pisser-offer is the *man brow* aka bio mom, found a new house to buy with her mad money she for free when she outrageously won the house in the divorce and sold it for a nice profit..and now they are moving within 2 weeks and instead of leaving a message somehow with the dad.. we find out thru the older son a half assed story that we have them til wednesday ..( which we thought we only had them for the weekend.. and the reasoning is not clear why til wednesday.. something about she had to enroll the older one in a new high school.. but heres what i think to this crap.. first of all thanks for letting any of us know what was going on.. and if summer vacation visitiation is back on.. we have them for a week and you can take care of what ever enrolling or what not on your own time..you arent going to tell us..ME mainly, your made up rules.. your thumb isnt up my ass..and never will be. This is dads week and you arent interrupting us with your crap! How about being real and saying that you need to pick the older one up for a few hours on such n such day to enroll him if theres an appt or something.. and bring him back.. Nope cant do that because that would mean you would have to conduct yourself in a way that you cant possibly handle.. You know no repsect for others.its all about Shannan and what Shannan needs to have.. screw anyone else.. oh wait.. she does screw anyone else when shes married but thats not what i meant in that sentance..
im pissed and i think all this stress is getting to me because my madness is getting quicker and more personal..i cant stand people like this and its just text book ex wife shit.. they are all the same..besides being selfish they think they can just dictate other people lives.. and they get away with it cuz they know they can.. and the system is set up in a way that enables that shit.
so tonight i had to get all uptight.. we kind of had a crappy discussion because its hard to be a step parent.. its hard to say what you cant stand..or put your foot down about something because it causes friction with your partner... i have no say really .. how do you when you are the step parent...i dont think im cut out for this.. because i cant stand having that bitch in my life even if it is indirectly! its HIS ex wife, if i try to say anything she says ~ this is between me and Scott and it does not concern YOU.. which i want to say the hell it doesnt concern me.. who the hell do you think you are.... im the one who cares for them ,buys them things and takes them places! christ..im turning into a online venter at 3am!!
I know how you feel!!
My husband's ex tried the same. News flash, if it's about anything that has, does, or will happen in MY HOUSE it is my concern. Does he stand up for you when she says that? Like pointing out what a good job you do in helping to RAISE them, truck them to and from, etc, etc? I think that's the key point. It's not your fight and it shouldn't be. He needs to deal with that for you. Anything you say will be just another thing coming out of the mouth of the "stepmother" which will mean nothing to her anyway.
My hubby's ex actually refused to get off the freakin phone when she called my house one time and he was in the shower. Tried to tell me she would wait on the line until he got out. I was so pissed as at this point, he and I weren't married. He needed a place to stay because he was destitute after she screwed him over and he's living in a house I PAID FOR and she has the nerve to say "Well, isn't his phone, too? He lives there." This is after I told her she would not wait on the line- it was my house and I was waiting for a call. I just said "He doesn't want to talk to you, either." And hung up.
I've resigned myself to the fact that it will never be what I say that gets to her. It's going to be the act of my ignoring her and acting as though she doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned that will make her crazy.
I don't know about you, but one of the things hate the most if feeling like this has affected my personality. I feel so much more cynical than I used to be.
On the positive side, at least we have somewhere to go to vent at 3am!
quick reply...
i wanted to just reply for now on what you had said.. about how you feel this has affected your personality.
does it make me less of a person or a woman because i just dont smile and go thru the motions?
god.. im sitting here fighting as hard as i can not to just sob my ass off.. but i feel that way too and i have mixed emotions on top of that OVER that if you can understand.. I am not who i used to be .and its not just when the new wears off in a relationship.. and its only been ALMOST 2 yrs. In ways im angry at myself for getting upset and angry over all this crap, im sad that i have no idea what or where i am at 41 yrs old in this situation, i fight with my own mind trying to tell myself ignore it.. who cares .. im not going to let it bug me anymore.. but soon as i say that and i feel like im strong..im right back in the mix..and its wasting my emotions and time and causing me to feel angry at everyone.. everything.. and resentful.. i sometimes feel like im helping this bitch have a nice life, Scott is court ordered to do so... not fair.. if you have money and time to have your nails done, get massages, go to resorts, go on vacations to Mexico, go on skii trips get Escalades ,Yukons all with dvds in them. buy a new house and have candle parties.. you dont need child support - I need child support! i need gas money.. i need food i need a massage, i need a break, i need a tylenol and a shrink! and personally i could care about getting my nails done i do them myself . And looking back at what i just wrote i wanted to erase it..because i see what im allowing that bitch to do to me.But its the truth.. how can i not be bothered by the real picture?
and yes im greatful this site is here to be able to vent, share.learn what ever it is we can .. sometimes being able to be free to say,bitch,cry or whine about it to others who REALLY knows what im talking about helps.. Scott knows what im saying, he hears me.. but you cant keep bitching to each other..it gets too personal and starts doing damage ..so im thankful someone out there chooses to read what some of us write and connects in some way.. its supportive in more ways than anyone could realize! gotta go ..hugs!
A FAIRY TALE ENDING!!!
You said it.. Its HIS ex and not yours. I also feel so much resentment that I have to have this HICK (sp?) in my life. My husbands ex is the kind of woman I despise, she lives in a trailer, she is filthy dirty, instead of washing clothes she buys new ones (yes, child support), SD wont eat anything that doesnt come out of a BOX- and I have to have this kind of woman attached to me? Well, to cut a VERY long story short, we moved continents! And now I am freeeee. Life is GOOD now. SD gets to visit and see how real people live so hopefully some of it will rub off on her - time will tell.
The ex...
I have thought a lot about the ex situation and what I have come to realize is that I probably wouldn't be super comfortable with my husband's ex no matter what she was like. Bottom line....it is uncomfortable for me because she was once the love of his life and they had children together and the separated and now live separate lives. That connection of having children together is life long. We will never have that connection. Sometimes I wonder if it makes me feel vulnerable that is marriage one didn't work out for him...same thing could happen again....what makes me so special?!
However, after 7 years, what I have come to believe is that children were their connection. They met and married and lived together for a number of years because of children. We met at an age where having children wasn't an issue together...we just enjoyed each other and appreciated so many different things in each other at this age and stage of life. Nothing keeps us together either but our love for each other. That makes our relationship even more special...more vulnerable yes, but more special. And yes, what makes me so special to think that separation won't happen this time around...because we are committed to working very hard to get over the challenges (there have been many!) because nothing is worth anything if it isn't worth working for! Good luck everyone!
You sound like me!!
I don't want to admit that she's been able to affect me in any way, and one of the only good things about this whole situation is that I know I've never let her see how she gets to me. I would die first. But the truth is I just got off the phone with my husband and basically told him if this court thing doesn't get the hell over with soon, so that we can go back to ignoring the fact that she's alive, I can't be held responsible if I can't be here anymore. I definitely understand Ariadne's decision to move away, but that doesn't always work. We moved 1200 miles away, but the issues are still there, you know? There are times when I think that I hate her so much I wonder if I'm in this relationship for the right reasons or if I could be such a small person that I put up with all this just so that she doesn't get her way.
Between that and the fact that I don't want my kids to be from a spit household, I don't know how to tell if I'm here because I should be. Does that make sense?
I understand the money thing, too. We're behind in bills, etc, but she needs all this child support so that she can live at her mother's with no bills and go on all day shopping trips and went to Disneyworld with the kids (was in Florida for a week in April). Meanwhile, I feel awful that a family friend bought school clothes for my daughter because she knows how hard it is for us. His other 2 get clothes from Gap, LL Bean, etc. BTW, she doesn't buy those clothes for them. She uses the child support for her own fun and then my husband's family buys what the kids need, as they feel like they have to so that she'll let them see the kids.
Sorry to rant. My husband just got an email from the w**** stating that the kids won't be home for their court-appointed phone call with him because they're away and "they" have decided to stay where they are until Wednesday. Imagine that, a 10 yr old and a 5 yr old deciding when they'll come home. And, of course, no mention of where they are. So apparently no where that they could POSSIBLY get to a phone and talk to their father. Everytime I decide I'm not going to let this shit bother me, she pulls something else. Argh.
am i getting this right?
they had internet connection but no phone access?
I'd like to join the vent too
My stepson had a soccer game today. Biomom did show up and I had to look at her. She just gives me the creeps! She wants to act like she is so involved...........please!! It is all an act so she doesn't look bad in front of the other parents.
Which brings me to something funny. Since my husband is the coach, that makes me the coach's wife. All of the parents talk to me. Me and some of the other mothers were sitting around talking about back to school stuff at the soccer game. Biomom was sitting there about twenty feet from me and none of the other mothers even said anything to her. They were all talking to me. I wonder what biomom was thinking?!
Dawn
ha..
hopefully she was feeling like poo!
Refreshing
Its always great to hear some success stories too!!
Why not try and include the
Why not try and include the biomom. She has every right to be at that game and although im sure her plate is full when she can make time i bet she does. No reason to make anyone feel uncomfortable. My stepmom (long ago, does not happen anymore) would try and i was on her for it in a min. Its not fair to pit anyone against anyone. Does not matter how crappy she is in your eyes. She has had to do many things as a real mother you simply wont have to do.
Sounds great!
My ss's mom would love it if no one knew what kind of a person and mother she is.
I've had to do many things as a stepmom that she will never have to do. It goes both ways.
She put herself right in the position she's in. I don't feel sorry for her.
She can come to the game all she wants but after all that she has said and done to me, I don't have to include her in conversations with my friends.
Bm is really not a very nice person. That's a fact. Because of that, whenever she shows up, everyone is uncomfortable whether I'm there or not!
Dawn
Yes I understand you
Yes I understand you totally. We too, get last minute news to from ex regarding stepson. School decision was supposed to be agreed upon by both parents but NOT! Not once did she ask for my husband's input on what school to put son in. What a *****. She just likes to show my husband that she is in control of their son! Makes me sick. What comes around goes around.
regarding the internet but no phone...
She didn't even have the kids. She doesn't want my husband to have them for visitation, but they are with other family members as much as she can possibly get rid of them. So she emailed my husband to say the kids weren't home, but of course she was. I have a sneaky suspicion that she sent the email so late in the day as the SD is aware that my hubby makes his weekly call to them from work and has probably mentioned it to the witch. So she probably didn't think that he would get the email in time and he would call and have to talk to her. The email was mostly for the courts sake, I think as she knows he's keeping track of any correspondence.
sad
i keep finding myself reading about other peoples pain, dealings, concerns and i just keep repeating to myself how sad it is.. i wish these mothers would realize that hey guess what.. its not about YOU, its about the kids and having both parents be a part of thier lives.. they are depriving them of so much when they have it right there at thier fingertips. who wouldnt want thier child to have thier father. and of course im not talking about abusive /bad fathers.. im talking about genuine fathers who are wanting to BE fathers..
uggg.. i wish i was a fairy godmother so i could wave a wand and make things better for all of us.. i never want things to be perfect that would be boring.. but just better you know? what a difference it would make..
keeping track of correspondences is a great idea.. too bad she knows tho.