I think that is an excellent analogy!

If invitations/cards come addressed only to DH, you write "wrong addressee" on the envelope and return it to the sender~! What a great solution, since it seems all SDs use this type of passive aggressive behavior.

As for her husband (the article from the link) taking off his wedding ring to appease the 2 decades long ex and adult SKs is insane! It's clear to see who is controlling this current marriage, and the current wife has every reason to be upset.

The analogy is a great one. Why should SMs chase after these SKs who are supposed to be adults with fundamental manners. Many need to brush up on them. These people are total strangers who happen to be DHs offspring, There's no condition that states SKs and SMs must have a relationship with each other, or interact with one another, however, basic respect should be a given that SMs would not need to point out to DH that should be demonstrated.

"Stop trying to be “right”. Look into your heart, look into your past and examine your true motivations for what you’re doing because it looks like this situation is bringing out an unhealed wound from your past. Get a piece of paper and write down memories and associations with not being accepted. Anything that pulls on you emotionally, is why you’re doing what you are today. Once you address the old pain, you will be able to put this situation into perspective."

I know this is true for me.  Just wonder how any other people on this site have wounds from their past which seem to have an effect on Skid problems.

Also, the responsibility is really on the DH to resolve issues with the Skids and BM, "You cannot force them to invite you but you know what? Your husband has married you so he needs to find a way to integrate you or to stop excluding you. He doesn't’t need to attend every function he’s invited you. The consequence of their actions is that they see him less. Boom! They can’t have it all ways. He must stop getting on board with repeatedly excluding you, no more listening to them talk crap about you and no more ring removal. That. is. not. on. They can have their opinion but they don’t need to share it with him (or you). Find a solution you can both live with–accept that you and they are not about to be bezzy mates, stop brown-nosing, and he cuts down on accepting the invites and excluding you."

One person who responded to the article mentioned that many women who marry for a second time will go out of their way to make sure the marriage doesn't fail.  I can attest to this.  I put up with a situation which was beyond absurd for decades before taking action.  Then disengaged which is really short of DH showing his respect for me as his wife and defending me.

Thanks for sharing the article.

Great read, thanks for sharing. 

Interesting article you posted and I know one thing for certain.....should my H take off his wedding ring to appease his children or X..... the marriage would be over. Not only does he have no back bone but what he did was disrespectful on all levels and I simply can not live with a man that has no backbone, isn't supportive of me, and recognizes me as his WIFE.

Disengagement is a blessing that not many people understand but it does help with your well being & sanity. I will not compromise my health, values, and integrity for anyone....not even grown @ss children. They don't have to like me but they will be cordial and if they choose not to, its even better because I never have to interact with them again.

Lol...that's great!

Also... Honey... Someone I know has been openly rude to me... They're doing this, this and that, have said this this and that...

If they're anything like my dh, the response would be...want me to kick their butt?

No honey...just wondering how I should handle your child....

Great article!  Thank you for sharing!  I agree - great analogy!  Belive me, if the day comes that I need to use that analogy - I will be!!!

This doesn't bode well for my sanity.  I don't disengage.   

This article is exactly why I don't give a shit about why people do what they do and for damned sure I give even less of a shit how they feel about it.

I care about what they do.  This DH took off is wedding ring to placate his XW and his toxic PASed out spawn. At that moment he would no longer by my DH if I were this woman.  He clearly acted to prove that he doesn't give a shit about his wife.

That is no husband.  If my bride were to do this because the SpermIdiot or someone else in the shallow and polluted gene pool of the SpermClan would feel bad she couldn't get of the way of the slamming door fast enough.

Fortunately, my bride is brilliant and would just laugh in the face of the opposition while spinning her beautifull wedding rings in just the right way to catch the light and blind them with the bling.

Poor behavior gets a foot up the ass. PERIOD.  No questioning the why of the behavior. The only thing that matters is that someone made the choice to perpetrate that behavior.  At that point.... the consequences begin.

The subject of the article needs to attend each and every event.  Being radiant, rocking it to the N-th degree and rubbing the noses of the XW and the StepSpawn in their own stench.  They need the ones to be congnizent of not upsetting the kids.  Being radiant, expressing happiness, being proudly on the  SO' arm, etc, etc, etc,.... isn't going to upset kids. But it is sure going to upset the toxic assholes who need to have their noses rubbed in the stinky spots on the carpet of their toxic pathetic little lives.

And as for someone in the mix being Catholic. So TF what?  Their religious sensitivities are irrelevent to anyone who does not share those sensitivities. 

My XW was Catholic. We were married in a Cathedral.  I became close friends with the Priest that married  us.  When my cavern crotched adulterous whore of an XW walked out of our marriage I made an appointment with the Fr and we discussed the whole situation.  She of course didn't share with him the facts.  He was heartbroken and very interested.  He and I stayed in touch through his retirement until his death.   He was a great friend and adviser to me for many years.

My XW never got our marriage annulled.  This was heartbreaking for my XFIL.  Every time we saw each other following the divorce he would tear up.  I had been very close with my XILs but what broke my XFIL's heart the most was that his daughter was not in the good graces of the Church.  I am not sure if she ever did get an annulment for our marriage, or for her second marriage and I am not sure if she is still living in sin in the eyes of the Church with her third DH. If she hasn't moved on to DH #4, 5 or 6+ by now.

She claimed to be an extremely dedicated and devout Catholic when we were dating, engaged, and first married. In reality she was far more interested in the tingly bits between her legs and serving those up to the community at large than she was in being Catholic.

Making exuses for crappy behavior due to religion is just as pathetic as choosing crappy behavior to "protect" the feelings of a gene pool full of toxic idiots.

I think it's a good, but not perfect analogy. If it's a gang at school - then yes, fair enough, walk away. But what if the teacher had assigned that you and some of this gang work together for a school assignment and they were still ignoring and being rude? 

"Imagine you had a child who wanted to get in with the gang of people who dislike him/her or who have been openly dismissive of them? Would you pat them on the back and say, “There, there baby! You go in there tomorrow and offer them your lunch, your pocket money and anything else youv'e got. Keep trying until they can’t say no anymore!”, or would you say, “Honey, I know it’s hard when people dislike you or don’t want to be your friend even when you haven’t done anything to make them dislike you, but you’youv'e got to leave these people alone. Every time you throw yourself at them, you are hurting you! You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re still a good person. I don’t know why these people don’t want you in their gang but what I do know is that they’re missing out and that it’s best that you’re not around them if that’s the way they are. Spend time around the people who love and appreciate you for who you are”."

The problem is that when the spouse of a SParent engages with their toxic prior relationship progeny, XILs and even their X far more often than not the Spouse/SParent is the one to sacrifice.  The new SParent/Spouse can certainly ignore and disengage but to so so is abdicating their rightful place in their marriage.

This is why I am a proponent of total participation and attendance on my bride's arm.  I do not temper my attendance though I certainly ignore the idiots unless they force my hand with idiot behavior. Being an idiot is not a problem unless that idiocy translates into toxic behavior.

I don't even worry about being accepted.  I don't care one way or the other.  What I care about is supporting my wife and rubbing the noses of those perpetrating toxic behavior in their own stench.

I even have fun with that part.

Love the article but even more the comments.  Suprisingly they were almost all supportive of the SM who was being bullied and excluded.  Maybe people in the UK are a bit more supportive of SM's than here in the US.  

Those of us with men who do zero to correct their unaccepting adult brats, all deal with the same unreasonable issue. These men have no parenting skills and when it comes to being a DH, they fail us wives miserably too-while in the presense of their selfish, entitled brats. Trained, well-conditioned brats have zero respect for him as a parent or they would naturally try to find some common ground with others he cherishes in his life. None of these sick individuals can see how disordered the family exclusion is to other members (nor do they care); it is similar to blindness. In many cases on this board, it is so dysfunctional- it is more likely a permanent condition. You can be the greatest, giving SM on earth, but purposely exluded out of jealousy.

You can try hard to gain their approval, share your resources, jump through hoops of fire and they will not thank you or appreciate you if you live in this dynamic. The only emotional safety you/we have is away from it and accepting you have to protect yourself; you are all you have....with regards to ill-raised enmeshed familial sickness. The quicker you accept it and stop trying to be included, the better.