We're starting a visitation schedule...
BM has been pretty good of late. She's seen ss a handful of times recently... so they've DH and BM have hashed out a 2 week schedule, alternating every day, and SS will always be with us the Saturday night. Actually DH told her what he thinks the schedule should be, and she agreed to it.
They've both signed it.
Week 1:
Monday - BM
Tuesday - DH
Wednesday - BM
Thursday - DH
Friday - BM
Saturday - DH
Sunday as of 2pm : BM
Week 2:
Monday - DH
Tuesday - BM
Wednesday - DH
Thursday - BM
Friday - DH
Saturday - DH
Sunday - DH
works out to 208 overnights for DH and 157 for BM, or ~57% DH / 43% BM
as an aside.....OOOPSIES looks like BM won't be able to provide paperwork to OSAP proving that she has ss 50% of the time or more.... OH WELL!!!
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How old is your SS.
How old is your SS. Personally, I would hate that schedule. SS has to be at a new house pretty much every night. His only reprieve is every other weekend. Exhausting.
He's 4 1/2. I'm not a fan of
He's 4 1/2.
I'm not a fan of it, either.
I would have preferred a 2/2/3 schedule.... or even just one regular day he's there.....
I'm just happy that ss isn't going to be underfoot every.single.day!!!
baby steps. lol
That seems a bit exhaustive
That seems a bit exhaustive for a 4.5 year old - every other night. Do you think he’ll settle in well with this schedule?
On the flip side... yay for you!
I think he'll settle well in
I think he'll settle well in that he's easy going with plans... and in that he's already used to the back and forth. Before, it was every day... mom in the morning, then daycare, then dad, then mom... now it's cutting out one daily switch from before we had him full time.
I'm more worried about his attitude coming back... he used to get really wild whenever bm had him more than a few hours at a time...because she gives him what he wants when he wants it
Ss IS in school. It would he
Ss IS in school.
It would he one parent drops off in morning, the other picks up from school...to keep until drop off at school the next morning.
The only time bm and dh will interact will be on Sunday afternoon every second week.
It's a lot of back and forth, BUT it is more stable of a back and forth than it was last year... which was pretty much every afternoon evening with dh then back to mom's for sleep. Sometimes, bm would get ss at daycare and dh would have to get him from bm just to bring him back 2.5 hours later.
I agree with the others-
I agree with the others- that's definitely way to much back and forth for a kid that young.
Why not full week with BM.
Why not full week with BM. Then next full week with BF That just leaves holidays to deal with
Then you get every other weekend free to do things
Because dh doesn't want to go
Because dh doesn't want to go a full week without ss....for now...and because we're not sure bm will be able to handle it.
After the schedule goes into
After the schedule goes into full implementation DH will want to have TWO weeks off and TWO weeks on.
Lol... I told dh that once he
Lol... I told dh that once he gets a taste of freedom he won't want to go back... he doesn't believe me... but he looks forward to the week mine go to their dad's... see dh? Give it time.
Word of caution - that
Word of caution - that schedule is going to be a nightmare, especially if you have a HCBM. Her always having constant access to your life bc of the constant back and forth.
And once that schedule has been established you will have a hard time changing it unless both parties agree.
Believe me - we live this schedule and have been trying to change it for years. It is horrifying. Imagine swapping clothing EVERY DAY! Scheduling pick ups EVERY DAY! Summer vacation back and forth EVERY DAY!
Not to mention trying to plan anything as you only have 1 day to do anything.
I understand if things are normal or ok right now but the chances of that staying that way are slim. BM will get a bug up her as* about something and there goes your privacy.
I agree with Harry. Week with
I agree with Harry.
Week with MOM, next week with DAD
Even Holidays with MOM< odd holidays with dad. On off year, have Christmas the week before OR after. Super easy and most of all easier on the poor child.
EXCEPT Stupid Hallmark Mom and dads days.
YUP!!! this is waaaaaaaay
YUP!!!
this is waaaaaaaay too much back and forth for everyone involved.
My SO has a kid similar in
My SO has a kid similar in age (5 and 2). He and his ex do a 2/2/5/5 schedule (and only live 5 minutes apart). Honestly, I don't think the kids could handle going back and forth every day - that's rough on both the kids and the adults. Do your DH and BM live close to each other? I hope it works out for you!
That looks pretty rough on
That looks pretty rough on the kid. I would care more about what this is going to do to him vs how it affects the percentage of nights a parent gets to claim.
It seems like the POINT of
It seems like the POINT of the new schedule is to screw the bm over on her claiming the skid for benefits. The new schedule has nothing to do with benefiting that poor kid.
that's what I get out of it,
that's what I get out of it, for sure.
Gotta make sure that BM doesn't have the ability to get financial aid by having her own kid half the time.
*shrugs*
She never DID have the kid
She never DID have the kid half the time.
We've had him full time since the summer.
Before that, bm had him for about half an hour in the morning...and 30-45 minutes in the evenings, never on weekends.
She'd drop him off when daycare opened...and would pick him up at 5m to close, despite being in school for just 3 to 5 hours.
I had nothing to do with the schedule. I'd prefer a 2/2/3 split, or week on week off.
Gotta love it when parents
Gotta love it when parents can't put aside their own grown up feelings and mess up a kid.
I feel sorry for the kid. Your dh and bm are idiots- there is NO WAY that won't mess up the kid. I know some people choose this but I find it honestly borderline abusive to put a kid through that much back/forth to please the adults. What AS* holes!
I have a major girl crush on
I have a major girl crush on you right now. Borderline abusive- yeap.
Is the schedule for Sson or
Is the schedule for Sson or the parents benefit? They had a child and now they have to adult-up and deal with the current situation.
The boy will be a PITA inside a week. He will be a hellion at school. He will be so confused and disorientated ... good luck with it. It sounds like it is all about accommodation the parents and no one has considered this plan regarding the little boy.
This schedule appears to be
This schedule appears to be what parents want because it suits them.
This is a very bad schedule as it’s very inappropriate for a young child to be switching houses every day. I speak from a professional stand point. It’s wrong on every level. If parents aren’t knowledgeable on the matter, they ought to consult with a professional: someone who understands young children or in fact any children.
Both DH and BM once again come across as clueless and not insightful. They used to seek drama and it seems that that got better, but now they create this messed up schedule. They are really something. They are either completely lack any insight and aren't that bright or are greedy.
Please encourage DH to seek professional assistance on the matter as they both are just going to mess their kid up
I don't disagree with you
I don't disagree with you that it will be hardest on the kid... it's not that far off than what it was before we had ss full time.
Switching every second day is better than switching every day... I think.
I think it won't take long for dh to realize ss will be regressing back to how it was before... hopefully that's the kick in the butt he needs to see that the schedule sucks.
But from what you initially
But from what you initially posted, this kid is switching every for 11 days???
Week 1:
Monday - BM
Tuesday - DH
Wednesday - BM
Thursday - DH
Friday - BM
Saturday - DH
Sunday as of 2pm : BM
Week 2:
Monday - DH
Tuesday - BM
Wednesday - DH
Thursday - BM
Friday - DH
Saturday - DH
Sunday - DH
I'm with you, once your DH sees what a cluster this is, he will quickly want to move towards more consecutive time for the kid with each parent.
Yes - it's why I am more in
Yes - it's why I am more in favor of the 2/2/3 split if he doesn't want ss to be there too long.
It used to be daily that bm would have him mornings, then dh after daycare, then bm for bedtime.
This is a step up from that...but still steps away from where it should.
I'm staying out of it lol
If there were ever a way to
If there were ever a way to ensure the kid doesn’t settle into a home and feels like he’s living out of his suitcase-this would be it. The 2-2-3 schedule is the bounciest I’d ever get with a kid that young. We’ve done 4:4, 5:2 and 7:7, all great options.
4/3/3/4 would have been much
4/3/3/4 would have been much better.
Looks like dad spent ton of
Looks like dad spent ton of time calculating that he’ll have a kid 57% of the time and BM won’t be able to get financial aid and he spent no time figuring out what’s good for his child.