BM is a jerk!!!
I hope everyone had a good Christmas! So I blogged awhile back about my DH contacting BM to remind her that he will be picking up the skids on December 28th at noon. He texted her last night and said "Just wanted to remind you that I am picking up the boys on December 28th at noon". Then BM texts back "LOL ok good luck with that could you be any more dramatic". I am just trying to figure out what the hell that means. The CO says that a competent adult has to be there for pick ups and drop off. I guess she just is trying to get under my DH's skin but who knows. I just hope that an adult is there when those kids have to picked up because some people have jobs you know. I hate the way she treats my DH.
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Can't help you with that one
Can't help you with that one - that makes no sense (at least to someone who isn't nuts). I hope the exchange goes smoothly for your DH.
I'd interpret that as she
I'd interpret that as she won't be home or at the exchange location, so your DH won't be able to get the kids. Make sure he takes a copy of the CO when he goes in case he has to call the cops. File for contempt if she isn't there.
No idea what she means by,
No idea what she means by, "could you be any more dramatic", but the, "good luck with that", sounds like she is not going to have them available for pick up.
So when he said..."just want
So when he said..."just want to remind you". Can you tell us when he told her originally he would be doing that? I know it's in the CO, but from your past experience with her, she seems to not have a good grasp of what is in it and doesn't refer to it often. And... perhaps in the past, your DH didn't exercise all his visitation which may have led to her assumption that if she doesn't hear from him... he has made other plans.
The last time you brought this up a few weeks ago, I advised that he should give her more notice because it was highly likely that she would make plans in the absence of any direction from your DH. Sounds like that is probably the case now.
Again, in your situation, you can be right (with all the conflict that entails) or you can be happy and your home can operate with less confusion and upheaval. You and your DH like to stick it to BM just as much as she may enjoy doing it to you. It's obvious there is no love lost between the two of them, but honestly, I would just prefer to get things like this settled so it isn't a last minute blow up.
He told her that last night.
He told her that last night.
My advice had been to give
My advice had been to give her a heads up before the holidays. Looks like that might have been more effective. Now it's a last minute issue.
But won't she be considered
But won't she be considered in contempt if she doesn't hand off the kids on time to my DH?
Yes - but I think what ESMOD
Yes - but I think what ESMOD was getting at was which would your DH rather have, BM in contempt or his kids on his time? Sending BM a reminder before the holidays may have been more likely to actually get the kids with DH. Waiting until last minute and counting on contempt might leave DH with grounds for contempt but no kids. IIRC, contempt doesn't mean a darn thing until the BM has racked up at least 3 contempt charges.
Yes.. this was my point
Yes.. this was my point exactly. Having BM charged with contempt is likely to do nothing to her and give her even more reason to be argumentative and difficult. Don't be surprised when she pulls contempt back on your DH at some minor issue.
If the ultimate goal is a peaceful life and access to his kids, this is not the best path. Sure, it's a path he is entitled to take, but he will (and you) have to live with the consequences... which is likely to be a more difficult exwife. If you don't think that's possible.. think again. I have seen BM's on this site that make yours look like a combination of Marry Poppins and Ghandi.
Ok that was what I asked in
Ok that was what I asked in my question above. So it's her responsibility to make sure that the kids are available for drop offs and pick ups otherwise she is in comtempt?
It truly can depend on the
It truly can depend on the BM, though. The CO for my DH had been the same since SS11 was 6 months old. When it was updated around 4 years ago, all that changed was the regular schedule, not the holiday schedule. So it's been the same holiday schedule for 11 years. BM should know it by now. DH does. However BM regularly tries to claim that 'x holiday is my day' even when the CO clearly states the opposite. Five years ago we were 2 hours late to my family Thanksgiving celebration because BM 'forgot' that Thanksgiving was DH's holiday and had already taken the kids up to her parents' place. So now, even though it's not his responsibility, he sends texts the week before the holiday confirming that he will pick up the kids for his holiday at x time/date and they will be available for pick up at y time/date per the CO. Any less notice than a week and it's "well I thought it was my time and I made plans. Can we swap for future-holiday-that-isn't-really-a-holiday or can I just keep them since I already have plans?" When DH sticks to his guns and insists on his time, we get kids who are upset they are missing out on the super awesome thing that BM's family is doing. It doesn't last long and it's easy to defuse, but a 30 second text message a week before saves us from that hassle or from being late to our own events from waiting on BM getting back or driving an hour out of our way.
I don’t think it would matter
I don’t think it would matter much how much notice her DH gave BM. 2 weeks or 2 hours. If we gave our BM too much time, then that just gave her time to think of some really crazy, outrageous things to keep skid away. Sometimes the quick approach is the best.
But I don’t’ think anyone can presume to KNOW how THIS BM would have reacted to a lot of notice or 1 day notice. Actually, she does not require ANY notice since it is in the CO. I am assuming the BM can read but it sounds like she chooses not to.
I am really curious what she will do. Did DH tell her it is his COd time?
He just told BM in a text
He just told BM in a text that he is pick up the boys on December 28th at noon.
He did not respond when she
He did not respond when she answered with her stupid answer?
Nope he didn't respond to her
Nope he didn't respond to her because it just opens up for her to argue with him.
If he did not respond, I
If he did not respond, I would advise him to respond with this..."Ok, I have no clue what you meant but, per the CO, I will get the boys at noon on the 28th. Thanks."
Then he does not need to respond NO MATTER WHAT she says after that.
It’s a childish mind game. BM
It’s a childish mind game. BM used to pull this crap.
My DH usually responded with “Whatever _____, not sure what that means, but I plan on meeting you at ________ at the agreed upon time. I trust you will be there too.”
It’s important he responds - then shows up. That way if BM pulls a disappearing act, she’ll be the one who was a no-show, or wasn’t home.
One would have to be incredibly stupid to pull this against a court order.
Please keep us posted. I hope
Please keep us posted.
I hope your husbands ex wife following the court order tomorrow. Gosh that is SO stressful.
Poor kids.
**IF IF IF 2017 was the first year the court order was being used I would air on the side of caution. YES 1week before a clear reminder may be reasonable and thoughtful**
It IS unreasonable for this BM to comment the way she did. She should have said "sounds great, do you need mittens and snow boots?" She defiantly doesn't know how to co parent. Sounds like she is punishing dad for moving on in his life post divorce.
JMO
Thank you Goodluck. I think
Thank you Goodluck. I think that is exactly what BM's problem is as well.
Make sure he gets gas or a
Make sure he gets gas or a receipt or something with a time stamp on it to prove he was there on time and she wasn’t.
I didn't think about that but
I didn't think about that but I will let DH know. Thank you.