Acne and cavities
I can't understand how a 15 year old girl is not interested in taking care of her face and teeth. When sd15 lived with us and started getting acne, we got her on a Pro-active program. Her face cleared up so nicely, but she wasn't interested in using the products. Dh had to remind her every morning and evening. Now she lives with BM and has raging acne and doesn't seem to care.
She also doesn't want to brush her teeth and she eats a TON of candy. She naturally has pretty healthy teeth. Despite the lack of brushing, she has only had 1 cavity until recently. She got braces 6 months ago, and now she suddenly has 3 cavities. I mentioned to DH that she wasn't ready to take care of braces, but what do I know. She also has broken brackets at least 4 times from eating candy.
When I was her age I wouldn't dare skip brushing my teeth or washing my face. I hated feeling dirty. My dd14 is the same way about wanting to be clean (and hasn't had any problems with having braces). Heck, even my dd10 does a better job with hygiene than sd15.
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I don't get it, either. As a
I don't get it, either. As a mom, I could not allow my child to have something that so severely diminishes their attractiveness and leave it untreated. Mainly because it affects the way others treat the child.
Maybe she's depressed or unconsciously does not want to be attractive to avoid interaction with others...and some girls are now expressing that they do not owe it to anyone to look "pretty" (which I agree, but what about themselves?).
But since she is a minor living with her mother, her mother should be forcing her to use those products. When I was young and still got zits, proactive really worked for me. So did a product called AcneFree, which used to bleach my towels. Can't imagine ever using that on my face now, it would age me 100 years!
It's so frustrating- I have a kid who doesn't live with me, and his teeth are crooked, so I asked his dad to let me pay for braces. He declined. I also sent AcneFree home with my kid- his dad said it was too strong and wouldn't let him use it. He doesn't have a lot of acne, but does get some once in awhile. I would want him to look his best, if it were up to me.
It's not really even about
It's not really even about looking pretty. My dd14 is not a girly girl. She doesn't wear makeup and isn't too into boys yet. It's about having enough self respect to keep yourself clean and take care of your body. SD15 is getting acne scars and ruining her teeth. She will have to live with that forever.
It's a battle every morning
It's a battle every morning to get my 15 year old SD to shower, brush her teeth and comb her hair. There have been complains from teachers and other students about how bad she smells but she doesn't care. The problem is there isn't a way to force her to do it. Hold her down and forcible brush her teeth? It's more oppositional defiant disorder than depression for her. She just can't stand being told what to do.
I've believed SD15 has ODD
I've believed SD15 has ODD for several years now (she takes meds for ADHD). When DH tells her to brush her teeth she either says she already did or she goes into the bathroom and locks the door. I don't believe she actually does what DH tells her.
My SD will hide under her bed
My SD will hide under her bed to avoid my DH forcing her to go into the bathroom. But there really isn't a point to do that anymore. If DH tried to hold her down and forcibly brush her teeth or comb or hair or bathe her like our toddler she would accuse him of abuse.
She has had multiple hospitalizations for suicidal thoughts and not even hospital staff can get her to bathe or brush her teeth. The last facility wasn't a kids ward and they didn't mess around when she refused meds and did the same procedure that any adult would get if they refused meds and it wasn't pleasant. She still complains that her jaw hurts from what they did to get the meds forced down her throat. At least DH can threaten her with that and she takes her meds but we haven't figured out any way to force her to bathe or brush teeth or wash her hair.
Oh wow! That is a tough
Oh wow! That is a tough situation. Luckily, my SD15 isn't that extreme about it. She just lies about it already being done.
I agree that there isn't much your DH can do to force good hygiene on her.
I had friends who were not
I had friends who were not into this stuff and they are still not. She just might be that type of person. Honestly the acne thing that is her choice on how she wants to look and the BM. I had acne on my back and chest when I was that age and I wore stuff to cover it up. In my 20's i got is so bad on my face i was left with minor scaring that is now gone.
I still break out and still struggle with it. You want to know what worked best. I stopped washing my face, I stopped using products to clear it up, and I hardly ever wear makeup. Once in a while I do a facial scrub to get dead skin off. My face is really clear. Sometimes the more you do the more product you apply the worse it gets. Maybe she is that kind of person.
The teeth thing is kinda gross. You have to let the BM and you DH deal with it.
Proactive worked great for
Proactive worked great for her. It cleared her skin right up. She just doesn’t want to wash her face.
You honestly can not make
You honestly can not make her. She wants to look that way it is her choice. The teeth thing I would worry about because her teeth fall out and get really bad that will cost money.
Yeah, I know. I don’t say a
Yeah, I know. I don’t say a word about it. It’s DH and BM’s job to handle it. It’s a little frustrating to see all that money wasted on braces and dental work when sd15 doesn’t care. I just don’t get it.
Same issue as the
Same issue as the above.
SD13, almost 14 now, does not wash her face and does not brush her teeth. IF she uses a toothbrush she does not use toothpaste of any kind. She does not use mouthwash of any kind.
She's often got greasy skin and her teeth are yellow.
She dismisses what all adults say, even doctors and dentists (yeah, she wants to be a doctor? LOL).
DH does not enforce hygiene and I've done all I could and stopped trying.
DH did talk with both SDs (SD11 is better) about how they are old enough to take care of themselves and if they choose not to then any future habits they have as adults is on them, no one else to blame.
I agree with that to a point, I think personally it's party on BM/DH that they didn't instill hygiene habits from an early age, but what do I know?
Is it absentee moms that
Is it absentee moms that cause girls to do this? I'm so embarrassed to talk about SD's hygiene problems to anyone else but this seems so common here. No one else I know has these problems. SD is in a special education class where all of the other students have very active moms and none of them have issues stinking up the classroom. My DH tries but he can't get SD to do anything he says.
Good question. So is SD's
Good question. So is SD's mom a scumbag? Does she not shower and brush her teeth? Is it a "when in Rome do as the Romans do" kind of thing??
My SD's mom is currently in
My SD's mom is currently in prison and has issues with drug addiction. BM was frequently homeless when SD was younger. SD has lived with us full time since she was 12.
It's so uncomfortable talking to SD's teacher about her smelling so bad because as the "mom" I seem to be expected to deal with this and her teacher has the attitude fathers are incapable of dealing with it. But it's also difficult to explain that DH has no ability to get SD to do anything. He can't spend all day trying to get her to bathe. He has to get to work in the morning.
I'm not sure about having an
I'm not sure about having an absentee mom. SD15 lives with BM and she seems to be a somewhat decent mom. I think for SD15 it's just laziness. She puts minimum effort into everything she does.
I think my 7 year old would
I think my 7 year old would go a month without bathing or brushing his teeth. But he bathes and brushes every day because I remind him and make him because I'm the parent and that's my job. Ugh. I don't get parents who can't be bothered with their children's hygiene or parenting in general. :?
Exactly, when my girls were
Exactly, when my girls were little they didn't want to stop playing to shower. I didn't give them a choice. Same with teeth brushing. I'm sure I sounded like a broken record every day reminding them, but now it has turned into a healthy habit. I do still remind dd10, but even she is mostly on top of it.
DH got custody of SS17 when
DH got custody of SS17 when he was 13, and I reminded, coaxed, and urged SS every night until a year ago, then I shut up about it. January thru May 2017 the almost-empty toothpaste did not move, or become empty, and I took weekly photos as an art experiment. Never showed them, just have in my photo file (next to the photos of SS's failed home drug tests). So while I care about SS's dental health, I'm also done trying to get him to do the basics. Moving on...
I think we're seeing more of
I think we're seeing more of this behavior as divorce and buddy parenting become more common.
As Silent14 said, she didn't give her bios a choice about hygiene, so it became a habit. But all too often, divorced parents are afraid or too inept to do the job.
I'm not sure the dads are
I'm not sure the dads are always to blame. My DH battles with his daughter every morning and evening trying to force her bathe and brush her teeth and she doesn't. He took away her horse back riding therapy over her refusing to shower. And still she won't do it. His parents would have beat him until he couldn't sit for a week if he acted the way SD acts. SD has zero respect for her dad. She tells him how much she hates him all the time. That's become acceptable for kids to treat their parents like that.
It's the new age.... BM
It's the new age....
BM taught Aergia everything about hygiene, she just simply ignores it and there's nothing you can do about it. Most of her friends are like this any way, thus it must be a new generation thing... heck safe the earth do not use water and do not use chemicals thing.
I find that girls are more likely to be like this on Mars where as boys.. dang you can't keep them out of the bathroom, mine showers for an hour, brush his teeth for an hour... then doing the hair another hour... I keep on kicking his ass, you need 30min top for everything...