DH has explained that if BM were to show up unannounced, I am to take the kids, hide in the closet where his pistol is stored, call the police, and if she breaches the thresh-hold, to shoot. My BM is a special kind of crazy so if she were to show up, we know she has snapped.

Really.. you would call the police. Most homes have this little thing called a front door. Don't answer it.

She shows up unannounced? Don't answer the door. Don't grant her the access she is trying to get. Inform Babysitter that she is not to answer the door either.

I see no reason on earth to escalate the drama with this woman by involving law enforcement. They would probably not show up anyway.

I mean, here's the 911 call.

911: 911, what's your emergency?

Tankh: My husband's exwife is HERE.

911: Is she armed? Has she made any threats?

Tankh: Noooo.. but she is here.. on my front steps.. what do I dooooooo?

911: So, your husband's ex-wife is on your front steps. Is she violating a protective order?

Tankh: No, but I just don't like her. She thinks she can do whatever she wants... I don't want her here.

911: I'm sorry ma'am, but this doesn't sound like an emergency. Has she threatened you? Are you afraid for your life?

Tankh: No, but she shouldn't be here. It's my husband's custody time. She is just out there with a bag of Jack in the Box.. what do I do????? She is trying to control us!

911: Ma'am, I'm going to have to get off the line, from your description, no crime is in progress.

So, she shows up. She doesn't get access, she probably will stop the random visits right? She leaves the bag of food on the porch (because you didn't open the door).. toss it in the trash.

I would and I have. When Medusa had custody, DH and I bought a condo in SkidTown so we weren't hauling them back and forth across the state every other weekend. She would routinely show up - we ended up having to get a restraining order.

I would not answer the door. If she refused to leave or caused damage or threatened anyone I would call the cops. I called the cops on BM once but it was when she refused to leave our home and pushed me to the ground. Physical attacks are where I draw the line. Sd does not hate me but does still refer to it as the time her mom was almost arrested from time to time.

I would phone my security company and have them remove her. She'd have to have jumped my front wall which is 6ft to get on to my property. Assuming she showed and was ringing the intercom and didn't climb the wall, I would ignore her or call my security company.

This scenario would never happen though as it would require the woman to get in a car to come to me.

We have an "ok" relationship with BM so I would probably just tell her that because it's unannounced and unexpected, she will need to leave. I have no problem with her, but I would ask if she's picking up SD for any reason, and if so, she can take her and return her at a specific time, but she wouldn't be invited in to hang out or anything. We're halfway through pregnancy and once the baby is here, DH and I decided that BM is no longer allowed in the house. Simply because I won't feel comfortable with it.

What is her purpose for coming? What does she say when your DH tells her to stop coming by unannounced?

I simply would not open the front door and she will not be able to walk around to the back door...

Oh I do leave my keys in the front door, thus neither BM or Aergia can use any key to unlock the door, yeah I don't trust SO telling me they do not have a key anymore.... They can sit out side till he arrives, I give a tick...

SO did call me once saying Aergia needs to get into the house to collect things, I said.. and she can wait, if I was not here early she had to wait till you get home, thus she can wait.... till you get home

Just hide from her. Tell the kids you're playing a game. That's what my mom used to do when solicitors or my uncle showed up unannounced lol.

I have called the police on BM. The last time she picked up SD10 for visitation (she no longer has visitation for many reasons), she came to the door unannounced at 3 a.m. My DH answered the door and told her that she needed to leave. He told her he would meet her down the road in a few hours, once SD was awake and dressed. She got mad and told him she would just sit at the end of our driveway. When he told her he wanted her to leave our property, she started screaming and banging on the front of my house, so I called the police.

They came out and told her that she needed to leave until an appropriate time. They also told her that she shouldn't be picking up SD at our house. If she didn't want us to come to her house, then she needed to respect the same rules and if she didn't like it, she could meet us at the police station (which was another 10 miles away from our house and out of her way). She already drove over 12 hours to pick her up so she didn't like that.

Sic the dogs on her }:)

She has been given permission to come get the kids for their sessions at therapy. Calling the police to escort off if she's twenty minutes early would be a b*tch move. Did Dad tell her she must call each day to remind whoever (babysitter?) she is on the way?

Police, IMO, should not be used as cheap tricks to be pulled out without true reason. If she shows up on a none therapy day with Chicken Nuggets in her hand at 10:30am and beats on your door. I'd not answer. If she leaves bag on step, I'd pitch it in trash. I'd then have Dad text her and remind her she is not to be doing this and is not to come again unless it is one of the pre-arranged sessions. If she comes again the next day , is standing on the porch, you aren't answering door and yet she stands there refusing to leave? Fine, have at it. Call the regular police dept. (not 9-1-1) and ask for an officer to be sent out and a report be made for trespassing or whatever other offenses can be given.

If the woman just pulls up and starts walking towards the front door, pretty extreme to pick up and ask for police escort off. Unless it happens more than a couple times. You are correct to think the boys will think you're a crazy lady to see their Mom out the window and you run to have BM hauled away. There is nothing wrong , however, in reminding the boys they are not to call their mother and ask her to come and bring them anything. Remind them that the babysitter and the boys are the only persons with adult permission to be there while Dad and you are working and that Mom coming could be against the law. Yeah, scare the stinkers, because there hangs "oh no, we got Mommy arrested" LOL.

Our BM has been cautioned, in writing, by our attorney to stay off our property. We have a posted no trespassing sign and exterior video cameras. If she puts a foot on our property, it will be reported to the police through the non-emergency number.

In my CO, it is articulated that my XH is not allowed on my property without my permission. If he showed up, I would call the non-emergency number and file a report.

I do not need to be harassed by a disgruntled X in my own home, and I suppose I'm fortunate that my state has very strong trespassing laws that make sure I don't have to be.

Bring it on! I wish that loser would cross my door step, she's be leaving in a body bag!

BM would never show up at our home.

But I will call the cops of SS31 ever shows up at my door again. He's almost 40 years younger than I am, a foot taller, and has a long history of violence and anger issues.

He's been banned from our home permanently. So if he shows up I will call 911 in a nanosecond. If he desperately needed to see DH he could call from his car from the street.

We are now in a small suburb with its own police force and little crime. The police are very responsive to any calls. I would not expect them to arrest him - just to escort him off the property.

Typically, 'Ho drops off the skids and DH returns them, so 'Ho doesn't have to struggle to extricate her fat rolls from the car until she gets back to the 'Ho House.

If BioHo ever knocked on our door, DH would not answer. Not even if both of our cars were in the driveway. In fact, DH taped newspaper over the windows in the front door because 'Ho kept trying to look inside the house.

As much as I'd love to see 'Ho hauled off in handcuffs (kicking and screaming), it would give Evil Aniki much more satisfaction to knock her snaggle teeth down her throat... Yeah, I'm going to Hell. }:)

Questions.

1. Does dh have the children full time OR is he eow non custodial parent.

2. Does the current court order address BM coming to your house, entering your house or anything about her having access to your house?

3. Tell me about how YOU think the children would be effected if their Mom was arrested for any crime just not one that is committed at your house. What would you tell them if, lets say she was arrested for Welfare fraud. Would your explanation be the same OR different.

4. Do your neighbors just pop in your house unannounced. If that OK with you? IF not why not.

5. Do you know where to buy a NO Trespassing Sign?

6. Do you know what a crew is?

Your DH screwed up by blurring the line. He can't "let" her come over whenever she wants BUT throws it out there to notify him at first. It's all or none. She's either allowed over or she's not. BM is only allowed in our driveway to pick up SS and drop him back off. If she shows up unexpectedly I would probably text her asking her why she's at my house and if it's for something as stupid as fast food I would tell her she had five seconds to get out of my driveway before I call the cops for trespassing. All these little extra dropping stuff off and running things to the kids is her way of bouncing around your "boundaries" and it's unnecessary.

We had the issue of the SK's getting texts from the BM as she was nearing our house... they would run to the front door to wait for her, then invite the vampire in. One time I had no clue until I heard a voice down the UPSTAIRS hallway from my bedroom... she had walked up to their room with them.

OMG, not only was I livid but so was DH when I told him (he was at work at the time). He told the kids AND BM in no uncertain terms that she does NOT need to come over without his or my knowledge well beforehand (well.... I didn't want her there AT ALL). DH had his kids every Sat-Sun, sometimes Fri-Sun. BM lived 5 minutes away. the ONLY reason she was behaving in such a manner was to "pee on trees" and play the property game.

tankh21 where did you go?

Please answer the questions I asked you.

BM showed up unannounced one time several months ago. SO and I were sleeping. SO was due to pick up the kid at 2pm.

She showed up at something like 10am - to drop off the kid. We didn't know who was at the door.... we stumble out of bed and SO comes down in his pj pants and opens the door while I'm coming down the steps in a robe... immediately BM goes off on SO about how she's been trying to call him and text him for the last couple hours, what the hell was wrong with him... etc etc.... on and on and on... how bullshit we were sleeping, we just wanted to relax......I heard SO ask her if there was an emergency.... nope... there was no emergency, but kid wanted dad and had been crying for him all morning, that's all...... I simply came down the rest of the steps, down the hall, into the laundry room...and SLAMMED the door. Then I went into the bathroom which is in the laundry room, and SLAMMED that door too.

A few seconds later, the front door slammed.

I was LIVID.

She blew up his phone between 8ish to when she showed up.... several missed calls and texts... his phone was not in the room - so we didn't know she'd been trying to call/text at the time.

I was quiet for a long time that morning. A long long time. After a few hours, I told SO never again. Because if she did, I would be the one to open the door, and it would not be pretty. She hasn't shown up unannounced since - I think either she realized she was wayyy overstepping the boundaries... because of my reaction.... lol.... but she DID keep blowing up his phone for a long time. Not so much anymore.

OP

One way to stop all this "bm has to drop xyz off" is SUPPLY your home with everything the children need.

Good grief. Surely any reasonable person can figure this out. You still did not answer any questions I posed to you this past Tuesday at approx. 4pm.

Here they are again.
Questions.
1. Does dh have the children full time OR is he eow non custodial parent.
2. Does the current court order address BM coming to your house, entering your house or anything about her having access to your house?
3.
Tell me about how YOU think the children would be effected if their Mom was arrested for any crime just not one that is committed at your house. What would you tell them if, lets say she was arrested for Welfare fraud. Would your explanation be the same OR different.
4. Do your neighbors just pop in your house unannounced. If that OK with you? IF not why not.
5. Do you know where to buy a NO Trespassing Sign?
6. Do you know what a crew is?

If DH has not instructed BM on showing up at your home... he needs to. If he has... he should apply increasing consequences when she violates his rules.

Call the cops. Her behavior is the issue and if that upsets the kids... so be it.