So tired of BM!
OSS had a band concert yesterday and BM lets DH know the day before so he was planning on just going to the band concert and then taking the skids back with us afterward. BM texts him yesterday afternoon and tells him that he needs to pick up the kids early and get them something to eat because OSS has to be at the school to get ready for his performance by 6:30 pm. BM and her DH are going to the same place so I don't understand why DH needed to do this!!
So that would mean that DH would have to leave work early and DH had a lot to do yesterday and was in meetings all day. BM texted him eight text messages telling him all this crap, not asking at all. She just said you need to do this and that!! He was in a meeting yesterday when BM was texting him and when he didn't answer her messages then she calls him. He told her when she sent the first text message that he will pick up the skids at 5:30 pm. That should've been sufficient enough for her but, she continued to text him and then call him when he didn't answer the rest of her crazy text messages.
DH said that he is going to continue to ignore BM's antics and demands and stick to the CO. It just really bothers me that BM still thinks that she can treat my DH this way. I feel that he should try and create some boundaries instead of just ignoring her. I feel like he should've told her hey don't text me or call me unless it's an emergency. I responded to your text message with a simple answer and let you know what time I was picking up the kids don't bother me when I am at work about what I need to do with my own kids. BM needs some shock and awe then maybe she would stop thinking that she can treat my DH this way. I want to rip her apart.
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Seems to me that BM only
Seems to me that BM only wants attention. He is ignoring her which is what he should do. If he engages in her Crazy by letting her have it, she is getting what she wants. Attention. I totally understand how you feel. I have spent 5 years wishing my DH would unload on BM. I finally had to let that go. I disengaged from the whole situation. If DH wants to run around crazy due to BM's demands. That is on him. He just knows not to expect me to do it.
Eventually your DH will get tired of it and either deal with it or not. You cannot force him to handle it the way you want him to nor can you make BM be a normal rational person. Just learn to walk away and let it go.
So true. We have a crazy BM
So true. We have a crazy BM too. I used to try and tell my DH how to handle it, but that just got him irritated. I finally realized the only person I can control is me. I told DH to stop updating me on BMs antics, it's between him and her. I finally have some calm in my life.
Ignoring is the best thing to
Ignoring is the best thing to do. Anything your DH would've responded with would have only been twisted and turned around so that he's the bad guy. Plus he responded, which means he's engaging in her shenanigans and only add fire to the crazy.
Ignore. Ignore. Ingore. Also, disengage from it to save your sanity. Your DH needs to deal with her, not you. Ask him not to tell you anything because it drives you mad and takes up too much space in your head.
Believe me, it is soooooo much easier said than done! If you read my blogs, you'll see that I deal with a crazy gold uterus BM2. She even went so far as to go into my house while I was at work and try to win my DH back! At that point, DH had to respond to shut her down.
They won't stop fully. They aren't mentally balanced enough for that. It should slowly subside, the less your DH jumps when the master yells. They ramp up first though when they realize they are losing control over their "property" (your DH).
Welcome to StepLife with a crazy ex BM. *Passes the strong coffee or wine* Whichever you prefer
So my DH is doing the right
So my DH is doing the right thing by ignoring her because at first he would argue and insult her back but, it seems like the more he ignores her the worst she gets. I don't get that if he loses his job because BM contacts him like this and he gets fired because of it there goes her CS check!!
No she is just texting him
No she is just texting him and calling his cell phone. He was in a meeting yesterday and he kept texting him even though he has already told her that he was picking up the kids at 5:30 pm. She was pissed off because he ignored her other text messages about feeding them before they go to the band concert.
It will get worse before it
It will get worse before it subsides. She's butthurt because her puppet isn't dancing when she pulls the strings. They don't like losing control over their property.
If she gets too nutty, he can always block her and only correspond by email. You cannot co-parent with crazy. Best he can do is parallel parenting and keep communication strictly about relevant and important info to do with the skids.
What time is his normal
What time is his normal pick-up time when there is nothing like the concert happening?
At 6:00 pm so he leaves at
At 6:00 pm so he leaves at 5:30 pm which is the normal time he leaves to pick them up but BM wanted DH to pick them up at and get them something to eat even though she was going to the same place at the same exact time. Therefore, DH would've had to leave work an hour early to pick up the kids, stop and get them something to eat and get OSS to his band concert on time. DH cannot just leave work early unless it's an emergency and a band concert that BM is going to at the same time is not an emergency. The CO states that DH picks them up at 6 pm every Thursday and then 6 pm on Friday when it is his weekend.
BM wouldn't like me. Ok, so
BM wouldn't like me. Ok, so kids need feed and for some odd and totally bogus reason, BM can't possibly feed them before six o'clock.
In my world, this is where I'd pick them up at six (as usual and per CO) loaded up with a pre-packed sack of pb sandwiches, banana and box of juice or milk, along with a baggie that holds a damp washcloth. Eat quick kiddos , now off into the band concert you go right at 6:30. Ta-da, kids quickly feed a pre-dinner snack to tide them over. That or BM will just have to find the time before six to feed them. (*** hint: a zapped hot dog then put on a bun with bare amount of a dressing stuck in baggie is fine too....been there, done that. Point is make it simple and easily ate and not messy)
You can all have regular dinner or a quick carry out pizza after the concert.
BM can beg, nag, order around, and choke all on the same speedy little text message fingers. CO says six. Six it is.
Thank you twoviewpoints that
Thank you twoviewpoints that does make a lot of sense.
Thank you lucy91.
Thank you lucy91.
Well first of all I don't
Well first of all I don't trust a piece of trash ordering my DH around and treating him that way because she treated him that way for over 10 years. It is not a crime to be protective of someone that I love and care about. My DH was taken advantage of for over 10 years and he finally got away from it even though BM still tries to order him around. My DH texts me through out the day asking me how my day is and tells me about his day and BM bothering him with non emergency crap is what was going on with my DH's day yesterday. While it is none of my business what BM and him talk about but, when my DH confides in me about something that is bothering him you better damn well bet I am going to support him and be there for him. Also if he gets fired because of BM's stupid drama then it doesn't just affect BM, the kids it also affects ME!!
He's a grown man, right? Why
He's a grown man, right? Why do you even know so much of his work day?
He can manage his job and he can manage his ex.
You've got yourself really worked up over something you actually don't need to know about or worry about.
You are not his momma, stop looking over his shoulder and trying to manage his work life. Unless he works for you or something.
According to you, a married or committed couple should relate like ships that pass in the night, each living their own life. And certainly don't bother each other with details!
How does she know so much about his work day? Because she's his wife and he talks to her about it, maybe?
Yes, I am his wife and he
Yes, I am his wife and he talks to me throughout the day every day.
Heavenlike, it's very simple.
Heavenlike, it's very simple. Because that's what happily married couples do? Tell each other about their work days? Maybe he has meetings as specific times on specific days and it's very likely he tells her that BM calls during meetings etc? Have you ever been in a happy marriage/relationship? Have you not share with each other?
"To me, how I am reading this
"To me, how I am reading this seems excessive. IME, most men don't share all the details of their day, especially moment by moment."
I wasn't aware that people are suppose to check in with you for whether or not this or that experience at work was worthy of being shared with their spouse or not *SMH* And you're correct when you state, "in my [your] experiences".
I don't think the guy gives a detailed blow by blow of what his work day consist of from arrival to departure. What he did share was the frustrating bull his intrusive ex wife pulled while he was trying to work. The topic that was shared (early pick-up and dinner) is a topic that affects the OP. If BM was announcing that pick-up must be early and kids fed, OP must change her own after-work before concert schedule. Per BM's demand and DH's saying 5:30, OP now has to arrange for herself to be home, ready and picking kids up at 5:30.
OP's DH is also on a year to year work visa. I'm sure there are others who would love to come to USA and take that job if DH can't manage to keep his ex the hell out of his work day. Would you want an employee who has such drama hanging out in his pocket during your business meeting? The guy either works and gives his full attention to his job during his work hours or yeah, boss can easily find another person quite willing to do so. This isn't a one time incident. BM pings this guy's phone nonstop regularly. If he doesn't respond and quickly the controlling nut case BM calls the office phones.
OP is affected if her DH gets canned. OP is affected if her DH loses his visa for work. OP is affected, as is perhaps her own work day, if she has to reschedule her own work day and hours off for a demanding BM who doesn't want to feed her kids. CO says 6pm. Changes are being demanded. If DH wants or needs to speak to and about what's happening , why is it none of OP's business and/or excessive? How many f-ing times do *we* read around here that DH didn't confer with SM about changes or before committing to plan switches?
Yet, here you are, telling OP to mind her own business and none of this affects her at all. Pretty easy for you to say when you aren't currently in a marriage or relationship nor ever have any skids and/or a BM in your life. And no, that isn't meant to be mean, it's simply saying you aren't relating to what she's experiencing. You aren't nor have ever been in a position to have to co-parent and juggle kids around two homes. These types of issues aren't something you've had to experience. Frankly, you don't know how you would actually react or not react to any of it. For you it's pretty much been just you and your kids with no one else to interfere with schedules, changes and attempts to control and/or buck a CO.
Heaven, Most men I know love
Heaven, Most men I know love to talk about their work A LOT especially if it's demanding job and they are proud of it. My DH shares a lot about his job. It's normal. I don't know what men you know, maybe not the kind that share with their wives. But it's certainly not the case with others.
It appears that op just venting because obviously her DH and she discuss it at home. That's what couples do. They talk. I don't see where she plans on controlling it. She is just talking. If my SDs BM blew up DH's phone he'd tell me too. I don't see how any of this is unusual or extreme.
I don't think it is unusual
I don't think it is unusual or extreme to share one's day with one's spouse. You sound angry. Why is this situation upsets you so. OP is venting and sharing with fellow stepparents. Why does it anger you so much, it almost seems personal.
Couples share with each other
Couples share with each other not because they need to. Simply because that's normal to share with each other how the day went.
BM texting him when he was
BM texting him when he was in a meeting with his boss in his office. DH didn't know that BM would be blowing up his phone with multiple text messages at that moment but, you are probably right the only way he would get fired is if BM showed up and harassed him at his office.
He said he is just going to
He said he is just going to ignore BM and that was the end of the conversation last night. Maybe I should just disengage?
Your DH is right to ignore
Your DH is right to ignore the BM and he should definitely mute his phone in meetings and ignore her when he's at work. Her harassing him at work is uncalled for.
You can disengage if you need to but that can bring on it's own set of problems. I found that being there for my DH and talking these over together, helped us both to deal with the stress of BM better, and come up with resolutions. Disengaging was not going to be less stressful for me when I knew that DH was going through crap with BM.
It's a personal choice, YOU have to decide what would be best in your situation and your marriage.
DH used to argue with BM all
DH used to argue with BM all the time and engage in conversations with her he got tired of her drama so now he tries to ignore her but, she just doesn't seem to get it. I don't know if she ever will. I know that I leopard doesn't change it's spots so I have tried to learn to accept the fact that DH has to deal with BM until 2026.
Can he block her and let her
Can he block her and let her communicate via email?
Does she work? My DHs ex never worked more than part time minimum wage jobs so she doesn't understand concept of demanding jobs and not being able to answer the phone.
My DH blocked BM Long time ago (luckily no minor SKs) but she called for reasons like she thought DH hired someone to kill her so he doesn't have to pay alimony or similar crap (was mad DH and I babysit SGD for free but she wanted to charge SD and now she could not) Etc etc stupid crap
Hang in there