DH's lie by omission

I am really pi**ed at DH. He lied to me through omission and it made me late for work. This morning, I got up and DH had already left for work. He also dropped SD11 of at school. I was getting ready to work (I'm a work at home employee), but I was hungry and decided to run down to the local store and get some groceries. I grab my keys and head out the door, knowing that I have about an hour until work. When I get home, I go up to the door, but find that my house key isn't on my key ring. I kept going through the keys, trying to find it. I even went back and looked through the car, thinking it fell off. I had it yesterday when I ran to the gas station. I spent over 20 minutes looking for it.

At this point, I am almost crying because I have to be at work in 20 minutes. So I call my DH and tell him what is going on. He then tells me that he took my house key and gave it to SD11 because she lost her key again. He was going to stop on his way home from work and get her another key before I found out. I almost never leave before work so he didn't think that I would ever know. He would just put the key back tonight.

Why did he feel the need to lie about something so stupid? Because this is the fifth key that SD11 has lost since the school year started. And, I told her if she lost another one that she wasn't getting any more. I am usually here when she gets home, unless its a rare occassion where I need to pick up one of my bios.

So DH decided the best thing to do was not tell me and replace the key behind my back. He has never pulled anything like this before I was livid. I told him that he was going to pay for the locksmith I needed to call out of his own spending money. And that he was going to figure out how to undo the damage he did. He just taught SD11 that is okay to lie and keep things from me.

His only explanation is that he felt bad because we have been on SD11 so much lately over her behavior. Why have we been all over her? Because she has been lying and hiding things. And now, he just taught her that it is okay to hide things to avoid getting in trouble.

And to make matters worse, I was an hour and a half late for work. I am lucky I have perfect attendance so my boss didn't even really bat an eye.

CompletelyPuzzled's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

That really sucks. I'm sorry

That really sucks. I'm sorry you had to start your day off like that. I've mentioned on here a few times that we got a keypad lock for your front door. That way SS doesn't need a key. So far, it has been working great.

We have one, too, and it's

We have one, too, and it's great! They're not terribly expensive and they're easy to install.

http://www.homedepot.com/b/Hardware-Door-Knobs-Hardware-Door-Levers-Elec...

He did deceive her. If he had

He did deceive her. If he had done the adult thing and either made different arrangements for his kid or asked OP for her key or better yet sacrificed his own damn key, she would not have been late for work, she would not be mad, she would not feel betrayed, and they wouldn't be out the bucks for the locksmith.

It was also deceptive because

It was also deceptive because Op had already told her DH and SD that if she lost one more key, she wasn't getting another one. Yet the DH defied OP, removed the key without OP's knowledge, and gave it to SD (to probably lose); he even said he was planning on getting another one and putting it back on OP's keyring that evening so OP wouldn't know.

There are a couple different issues here if you ask me.

Oh, I'd be livid. I couldn't

Oh, I'd be livid. I couldn't look at him.

I'd also be worried about the "lost" keys.

Maybe one solution would be to tell him every time she loses a key you have to get all the locks changed. Again - paid for out of his spending money.

If he has no gas or lunch money for a few weeks he will find a way to teach his girl to hold on to a key or to simply no longer allow her one.

Skids have never had a key to our house. But they don't to school from here, either.

I believe you've missed the

I believe you've missed the point. The money has to come from somewhere. Where else should it come from?

Right now the only one with a problem is OP. As a wise person once advised me, she needs to find a way to make it his problem (since he is unwilling to let it be sd's problem where it originated).

Most parents do issue consequences to kids who do something irresponsible. Or if they hand them something as important as a house key, they find a way to secure the key themselves, not leaving the child responsible for it.

This dad is doing neither. He is making his wife responsible for all the consequences. She needs to dodge that and throw it back on him.

Ok, after reading your other

Ok, after reading your other responses on this thread I believe you are being deliberately obtuse.

My overall point was that she really needs to protect her home after 5 keys have gone out into the community. Therefore, she needs to change the locks. Because dh has caused this problem and because HE CAUSED HER TO BE CONSIDERABLY LATE FOR WORK, CAUSED HER GREAT TROUBLE, AND UNDERMINED HER TO A CHILD LET ALONE BROKE HER TRUST IN HIM he needs to be the one to pay for the lock change. Whether that comes out of his poker money, his Christmas money, his Beenie Baby collection money or his lunch money I don't care and you know it.

Oh God NOOOOOO. Not the

Oh God NOOOOOO. Not the Beenie Baby money. :jawdrop:

Primal

Primal screeeeeeeeaaaammmmm!!!!!

Is that the second, third,

Is that the second, third, fourth, fifth time this past year that your husband caused the same accident?

Pardon me if I look askance

Pardon me if I look askance at your assertion that you keep a happy home. You have been deliberately provocative and unfriendly here. Doesn't bode well for your social skills in real life.

And....false equivalency. Known as an error in logic. Making a bad left turn is a split second decision involving spatial relationships, physics, and hand/eye coordination. Sneaking an item belonging to someone else involves planning, deception, disrespect, and hours and hours of keeping the secret and multiple steps of executing the plan. Very, very different.

Now, her husband has not committed the crime of the year. She says down below nothing like this has happened before and she believes in his remorse. Fine. They can move on from this. But HE HAS TO STOP MAKING IT HER PROBLEM.

~smooches Chief on the cheek~

Teehee! Mwah!

What a bunch of horse hockey.

What a bunch of horse hockey. He should have given SD HIS facking key. Is there a Walmart nearby? They could have stopped there and had a key made.

Not only would I have the locksmith open the door, I'd have a new lock put on and would not give DH a bloody key until you had a discussion. SD should not get any more keys as she is obviously too irresponsible. Frankly, I'd be freaking out about that because someone could have stolen the key from SD and made plans to rob you. WTF.

{{{HUGS}}}

ETA: I agree with the above post - switch to a keypad lock.

I Agree. No keys for either

I Agree.
No keys for either SD or DH.

I was about to do this (key pad and no keys for them) and DH knew it (SD13 has lost about 3 or 4 keys). HE was going to pay for the change.

As of last spring and my threat, so far so good.
Although I'm still thinking about key pad installation next year for an upgrade.

OP has the locksmith change

OP has the locksmith change the locks. When DH gets home, OP and DH have a discussion about the constant Losing of the House Key. THEN the OP gives DH a key/code.

Although the keypad locks are more expensive, THAT should be the solution.

SD at age 11 (WTF) is too irresponsible to hold on to a freaking house key. What a CROCK.
Does SD lose her:
* Watch
* Cellphone
* Glasses
* Homework
* Jacket/coat

She is ELEVEN YEARS OLD. At 11, I had a saving account at the bank. I could cook a multi-course meal for my family (2 parents, 5 kids). I could clean the house from top to bottom. I could do laundry. I had a house key and NEVER LOST IT.

Moot point. My 10 year old

Moot point. My 10 year old nephew has a house key, a watch, a cell phone, a band instrument, 1 coat, 3 jackets, and wears glasses. He has never lost ANY OF THEM. He is responsible for his things because he was RAISED TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I AGREE

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I AGREE WITH THIS? SO MUCH THAT I AM YELLING IT!!

Of course this kid could hang on to her damn key!!

Kids rise to level of expectation we set for them. They also fall to the same.

Sheeeeeessssshhh ---snowflake much?

~smooches WOB~ No, I did not

~smooches WOB~

No, I did not smoke a funny cigarette. I'm in a lovey dovey mood today.

~smooches Cocktail~ I am

~smooches Cocktail~

I am obviously in a smooching mood and adding you to my Girl Crush list.

Because the house was left

Because the house was left completely unlocked WEEKS in a row before I found out about each lost key. How I found out? I'd come home early and the front door would be unlocked.

The safety of SDs (who are old enough to be home alone) not walking into a house with a potential intruder and to protect OUR things and pets, yes, the house needs to be locked.
Hell, I don't want to come home alone to a dark, unlocked house.

I do have an extra key outside the house that they could use.
But I'm not going to cover for someone who is too lazy to remember to put her key in her backpack where it should be or to remind a grown man to argue with me about locking the door people leave the house because he doesn't understand a basic safety mechanism.

oh, because that worked SO

oh, because that worked SO well the last FOUR times......

I don't agree. SD has lost

I don't agree. SD has lost multiple keys to her home. You know, where she lives. Where all her belongings are. This isn't a stepmom needs to disengage and let DH figure it out alone situation. He husband obviously doesn't care how many keys get lost. OP needs to be fully engaged on this one.

No, this is what people do

No, this is what people do when they are cowards.

" This is what people do when

" This is what people do when they have had enough"

No- this is what children do when they know they have screwed up big time and they want to try to avoid the consequences. An ADULT would address the situation both with his wife and his dd. If the child cannot keep a key then other arrangements need to be made, not this BS lying and sneaking around.

Now that would be being a

Now that would be being a harpy. I do not tell my husband what to do around the house or what store to go to.

Steals???

I must have missed the part

I must have missed the part where stealing came into the story.

Ok, Mrs. Excuses, how many

Ok, Mrs. Excuses, how many keys to your home are you willing to have lost around town? 10, 20, 50? Unlimited?

LadyFace, The Punisher was a

LadyFace, The Punisher was a cool movie.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Punisher_(2004_film)

Mine, either. But Thomas Jane

Mine, either. But Thomas Jane was hawt!

DH got in the habit of not

DH got in the habit of not locking doors when our rental house was in a very difficult to reach location. I was ok with that there (although we did lock the doors at night when we were home).

But when we moved to a more populated area and SDs were home alone sometimes, and ALL our valuables were now there YES you need to lock the door. This isn't some fairy tale area where break ins never happen. Yes, they could get in anyway but why not slow them down rather than say, "Sure, come in with no issue, please!"

It takes seconds to lock/unlock the door - no excuses.
SD13 follows his lead.

SD11 has not once lost her key or her bus pass, not one time.

Not knowing the couple I

Not knowing the couple I agree it could go either way. It could be that the husband is a Disney dad and sd can do no wrong or it could be that their communication style is not the best and that the husband is wanting to avoid an argument with his wife. Taking a moment to be introspective about our own communication styles and how they work with our loved ones is not a bad thing to do every now and then to see if there are areas that we can improve on.

Stealing a key off her ring

Stealing a key off her ring or stealing anything from her at all seems like the most ineffective way to avoid an argument I've ever heard of.

It seems like the way to guarantee an argument. A bad one.

Some people do not have the

Some people do not have the foresight to realize that they will be caught. If op had not gone out for breakfast then chances are she would never have known. It does seem like extream lengths to go to to me to avoid telling a kid they need to ring the bell when they get home after school rather than use thier key so that does make me wonder if there is something else the husband tried to avoid being taking op's key.

She says they all normally

She says they all normally have good relationships. I think the key (oh, dear, pun really not intended) is in him letting this child have 5 keys to lose. I think when kid told him she'd lost yet another one he was embarrassed, not afraid, to tell his wife.

Most parents would have determined after the second key was lost that the child was not responsible enough yet to have another key and would have made other arrangements. They would probably also work on the child's responsibility skills by setting her smaller tasks and getting her up to speed over time before they tried again with the key.

But he did none of that. He just kept throwing keys at the kid. Too lazy to think of other solutions. So when it happened again he threw what he thought was an available key at her. Oh, also, since he knows she keeps losing them, a different dad would at least make sure she had the key the night before so he wasn't caught short on a school morning. He would have provided her a key rack and checked it every night or something. So now he's embarrassed.

Not the crime of the century but lazy parenting and throwing his wife under the bus to try to save face.

Nailed it, Chief! I'm totally

Nailed it, Chief! I'm totally girl-crushing on you today!!!

I'll take it! Also, I think I

I'll take it!

Also, I think I should also say in my above post the fact that he gave the child the wife's key and not his own proves that he is not afraid of his wife. Not at all. If he was afraid of her he wouldn't have dared touch her key ring. He would have given the child his own key for sure.

True! Not afraid and a

True! Not afraid and a serious lack of respect.

My husband won't go through my purse, even if I tell him something is in my purse/wallet and where. He still brings it in the room for me to get for him.

My DH buys me tampons or

My DH buys me tampons or other feminine stuff. He'll even bring me one if I run out in one of the bathrooms. He's a stud like that.

1. I was terrified of my

1. I was terrified of my abusive exH...

2. They could stop on the way to school and have a key made, or the person who gets home first (DH or SD) is the one who gets DH's key. OP's key should not have been taken.

~smooches Fruity smack dab on

~smooches Fruity smack dab on the lips~

You and Chief have me positively swooning with admiration today!

You noticed!!

He has never lied to me

He has never lied to me before. And usually, I don't get upset with him about stuff. The key issue is the only time that I have told him that I am done giving her chances. For the most part, I have a good relationship with SD. She probably would have told me that she lost her key, as I rarely ever yell at her.

I am not sure why DH felt the need to not tell me, but I don't expect to punish him for it. I think he knows it was a bad idea. He didn't even argue with me when I got upset with him.

See my DH did this to me

See my DH did this to me once. Well do I know it was once?? No I don't because him doing this crap, planted that seed of doubt in my mind that should have NEVER been there.

DH took SD and some friends to go shopping for spirit week crap. when he got home, I asked him how much money he spent. He told me she just got some sunglasses and a shirt and something else and it was like $60.00. What he omitted was that he took them all to lunch and paid the tab so "$60.00" shopping trip was close to a $200.00 shopping trip. I only found out, when I looked at his credit card bill. I was beyond pissed. He deliberately omitted information because he KNEW what he was doing was wrong. He KNEW this was something that would upset me.

I probably got more upset about this incident than any other in our marriage because I felt betrayed. I mean how is it any different than having an affair and keeping that secret? If you need to do things that you don't want your spouse to know about, then you probably shouldn't be doing them!

I don't understand why you

I don't understand why you would be upset that he took the girls for lunch. I don't think I would have thought to tell my husband that we went to lunch. Not because I was trying to hide anything, but it is such an inane thing. I frequently go shopping and have lunch. Did he need permission to spend money on lunch?

At the time it was an issue,

At the time it was an issue, because he had been harping on me about getting BS7 a Happy Meal once a week when we went to get groceries and harping on me for buying BS7 a $5.00 toy. So yeah, when you go and blow close to $100.00 on lunch for 4 people it's an issue. And the fact that I asked him how much money he spent and he conveniently left that little tidbit of information out, in fact went through the whole run down of each store they went too and how she got this for cheap etc, but didn't bother to mention he bought them all lunch, while HE sat in the car, yeah, it was an issue.

Oh... I understand. Yeah,

Oh... I understand. Yeah, that would piss me off too. You have just as much of a right to buy something for your child as he does.

This is what Disney Asshole

This is what Disney Asshole dads do.

I agree with this. My

I agree with this. My husband used to lie about the stupidest stuff to his ex-wife. When I asked him why he did that, he said that no matter if he spilled milk or robbed a bank, she would react the same way. He just didn't want to hear it, so he avoided it like the plague.

I have to say here though, that my dad used to sneak and give us girls treats in our rooms at night, even though my mother absolutely forbid us to have food in our rooms. We were an intact family. It seems pretty normal to me for a dad to be a buffer between all of the females in the house. My mother did the same for my brother. I don't take it as an attack on the marriage. I think its just a daddy/daughter - mother/son thing.

Do you see the irony of your

Do you see the irony of your signature about bullies, while calling her a whore?

So because she has a

So because she has a different opinion she is a troll and you can call her horrible names? Nice. You sound like a hypocrite.

Keeping it classy. Maybe

Keeping it classy. Maybe delete your sig so you don't seem like a hypocrite.

I would be beyond pissed if

I would be beyond pissed if my husband made my child sit outside and wouldn't let her eat because she lost a stupid key. Yes, the kid has issues with responsibility, so if she absolutely needs to be able to get in the house, the parents need to come up with a way that will accommodate that. A keyless lock would work for everyone.

I always read. My steps are

I always read. My steps are grown now. I post when I'm bored. Am I a troll too?

I used to have the Things sit

I used to have the Things sit outside when they lost their key and couldn't get in.

Asshat and Money-Ka did the same.

I was never "beyond pissed" that their SM pulled this stunt. Not even a little bit.

Keyless locks allow those who will never be responsible to never become responsible.

But, by all means, don't hold the little princess accountable.

Well that explains it. If

Well that explains it. If you dehumanize your steps as "things", I wouldn't expect you to understand that its not OK to lock them out.

I do believe the SD should have some consequence for losing the key, but those consequences are gonna need to be discussed with her father. I would also talk to my husband to find out why he felt it necessary to keep the fact that she lost it from me, because obviously there is a breakdown in communication.

Totally missed that. I

Totally missed that. I apologize for the assumption.

The "Things" she is referring

The "Things" she is referring to are her own children.

I guess my reply landed a little after yours LF!

here -

here - http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/seuss/images/d/d3/Thing1-and-thing2....

The upside to the key pad is

The upside to the key pad is that usually you can log in and see what code was used when and by who. Maybe one day this will come in handy if you want to know what time SD came home. You an also delete the code when it needs to be deleted, for example if you were to go out of town and didn't want the skids to be able to come in while you are gone would be a good time to delete it. Just double check all the windows are locked, I've heard that skids will leave them unlocked so they are able to get in when need be.

You don't need a key to lock

You don't need a key to lock a door if it is not a dead-bolt lock.

Easy, turn the lock on the

Easy, turn the lock on the knob on your way out, I assumed it wasn't a dead bolt because then you would need a key.

For the record, no one

For the record, no one suggested "punishments" on the husband. It was a personal boundary we were talking about, exactly that. It is the personal boundary that the sm is not gonna pay for the consequences of this any more.

I'd definitely get a keypad

I'd definitely get a keypad lock and make dh pay for it. Sd should be doing chores to earn the money for it since she is the reason you need it. What is dh's problem??? I would be so livid!

I would be pretty pissed off

I would be pretty pissed off as well. Not only did he backtrack on the whole not giving SD another key if she lost the latest one. He thought her its ok to lie, its not a problem to be irresponsible and that actions have no consequences but also made it an issue with OP's work. I always tell SO, never assume because that is when shit goes wrong. He assumed you never leave the house.

This should be a lesson to him, the one time he tries to be sneaky is the one time all the planets align that you wanted food before work and had to go out. lol I would have him pay for a keypad lock as well.

So with all this talk about

So with all this talk about key pads, my SD has one on her house and there are a few bad points.

You need to change the # regularly. They wear quickly and you can easily see which # make up the code. It's much easier for the code to get out there than for someone to steal a key. Kids will give the # out to friends, BM, others.

I was on a bus once and this guy gave out his address and the key code to someone on the phone., said he's see them at the house in 10. Everyone near him heard him. I looked at him and asked if he had a nice flat screen TV and computer. He looked at me like I was a crazy person, the person beside me asked about his stereo system. He had no idea what we were going on about. I'm sure he told all his friends about the crazy ladies on the bus asking about his stuff.

I would go ape hit crazy on

I would go ape hit crazy on DH, replace all the locks and not even him will get a key...
better yet get a keypad lock. and do not give them the code.... I'm angry on your behalf now...

Really makes you wonder why OSD is such a mess, and I will tell this to DH - DH you wonder why your oldest daughter is the way she is, you blame BM, but honestly it's you who are teaching your daughters this shit, not BM,

You are here

Comments