Stop being a nanny, housekeeper and tell him until he can treat you like a WIFE he can get money from his SON; and mean it.....If you're helping pay the bills, you deserve to be respected-- if only for that reason, of course there are many others....

You'll get doormat daddeee's attention if/when he realizes your value; and in dollars and cents too. Stop handing your money to either of them and hurt the pocketbook.

Hire a housekeeper, stop nannying a 17 year old and then don't lift a finger for the 17 year old and just ignore him completely unless he talks respectfully and directly to you. Even then, "ask your dad" is the best response on most occasions.

Blame DH for everything...

SS leaves huge mess in the kitchen... "DH you left an awful mess in the kitchen when you made your snack, would you please clean it up?" Either DH Blames SS - in which case you smile and say, "oh, would you make sure it gets cleaned up please? or DH cleans it. Either way - no longer your problem.

SS doesn't bathe, shower... DH there must be a leak or something in SS Room - it smells like something died in there. "Poor SS having to live with the smell. You need to track it down.."

SS leave items in common areas - trash it. "oh I saw it somewhere I can't remember where. Surely SS must have put it in his room."

SS leaves huge mess in the bathroom... "DH why did you make such a mess when you used the kids bathroom?" Either DH Blames SS - in which case you smile and say, "oh, would you make sure it gets cleaned up please? or DH cleans it. Either way - no longer your problem.

Either DH Sees the issues are his kids or he take care of the issue. Either way it gets done & you aren't attacking the spawn. Win- Win.

stop being the nanny, maid, and expense account.

Does he have a phone that you and DH pay for?

When my OSD was a little horror, I would periodically go online and turn off her data and/or texting abilities for a couple days. Just bc I could. I was paying for it...so my rules.

**Edited to add.

-Walk around in your underwear
-Turn down the temperature on the water heater after you've had your shower
-Make food for yourself only. DH can figure something out for him and his spawn
-Separate finances now. Pay for your things only.
-NEVER give a ride or let SS borrow your car
-If SS has friends over, hover. That's all. Just hover and insert yourself into their conversation

Some of these are serious...some are more joking. But surely you can think of ways to make SS feel unwelcome if you really put your mind to it

Tell them that the house is now vegan and only make super weird food.

Time to cease all Skid beneficial behaviors. No shopping, no cooking, no cleaning.... When DH asks what is up... splain him the situation. Unappreciative 17yos do not get cooked for, laundry done, picked up, dropped off, or otherwise supported. If DH wants to do those things then so be it.

You are done doing anything for an ungrateful brat of a late teen child.

Join some ladies activity groups that put more of the onus on DH and the Skid to care for themselves. Wine-down-Wednesdays, yoga, etc....

Messes get put on the SKid's bed or bagged and put on the curb. If they do not keep the house to your standards, hire a service to clean, bag, and dispose of their crap.

What is it about 17? Is it because they're on the verge of 18 and are practicing being able to do whatever they want because "I'm an adult now?" Newsflash: if you want to be an arse as an adult, then get your own place.

I think all SMs should plan on having their own place for the year they have a 17 year old skid.

Oopsie...all your whites got washed with the reds. }:)

Disengage..... stop doing anything for DH and SS.... they can do for each other, take your money out of the kitty....

you only contribute your 3rd... let the rest be for D?H and make it very clear to him he will pay it.