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I seriously fucked up this weekend

Pecanflower's picture

Submitted by Pecanflower on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 1:14pm

Chalk it up to being at the end of my rope for too long.
Chalk it up to being short on the prozac.
Chalk it up to needing a day of solitude for over 6 weeks and just never being able to work it out.

But I went into full on bitch mode Sunday. Was trying to hold a fun conversation with SS14 (who for once wasn't talking about video games or some weird fantasy thing that I can never follow) and 60 seconds into it he said, "Okay, Pecan. I Don't want to talk about this anymore." And dismissed me.

Yeah, I was hurt. Yeah, I should know better...again see above...and I said..."You know what? SS14? Fuck you. I'm going to work." I grabbed up my purse and left.

Then when I got home...DH made a big deal about me coming over to his office, dusting off a chair, saying I would need paper and a pen..He was being generally silly, because he wanted me to play test the character building for his newest role playing game....Again...see above...I just wasn't in the mood to talk about his fictional universe/books/games/job. And I, in a very whinny voice said, maybe a little too loudly, "Oh GOD> Do I HAVE to???"

It hurt his feelings.

I was a bitch yesterday. And he was mad.

I have since apologized for my actions to SS14 and DH.

It's my own fault for letting it go too long. I can only be pulled at and put upon for so long before I have to take some ME time to recharge...and I haven't done that in a long time.

I love DH; but ALL he likes to talk about/focus on/work on/play with/ is his fictional universe. I get really tired of that topic. Even though I try to be supportive; there are times I would like to scream...which I guess I did Sunday.

It's never easy being a Stepmom. It's never easy being the mom to a special needs Autistic kiddo; who really needs to work on his social skills. It's never easy being wife to Autistic DH with very focused interests. It's never easy being wife to DH with MS. The candle gets burned at both ends; and I became a bitch.

I need cookies and wine..or vodka..What vodka goes with cookies?

Comments

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 1:29pm

I can understand why your feelings were hurt. I probably would have done the same thing.

Cupcake flavored vodka with Sprite is yummy.

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 2:15pm

When you reach that point sometimes it just happens! I totally understand - this is the only time the woman's mood swings work! lol I would say omg I am so sorry my mood swings are all over the place... lol just kidding....
we can only take so much!!!! We are human! We woman do so much - work, cook, kids, clean do laundry and are suppose to keep our moods in check too! No leave it to beaver mom here... don't be so hard on yourself! Xoxo

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 3:33pm

I totally understand how you got to that point. I am the most patient and loving step mother on this planet, but after enough days in a row of no "me" time I start to lose it. It is impossible to do it all and to do it all with a smile. Recharge and forgive yourself.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 4:35pm

I snapped at SS11 on Christmas-he interjected into a conversation he really shouldn't have.

I also lost some of my patience today while I step-by-step stood in his door way and made him re-fold his entire dresser lecturing about not cleaning for my health.

It just gets old sometimes-for all of us. Parents don't get to decide whether or not their child has Autism We, step parents, choose to weather this storm with them (which even on a "bad" day is still pretty special.. We all take turns being the hurricane. I aplolofize when I f*uck up too. You're a good person Pecan, just keep on chugging and take some well deserved you time.

You got this!

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 01/17/2017 - 2:19am

Pecan - pms is tuff Wink

This is why you should always have booze in the house.... in case the Prozac runs out, in my case - I always have Prozac in the house in case the booze runs out Wink

Find yourself a nice hobby you can do on your own, knitting, quilting... what ever you like doing, this is a very good reason to say: Sorry not now I'm busy, or if they start yapping about their "game" you just start yapping about your hobby....

Pecanflower's picture

Submitted by Pecanflower on Tue, 01/17/2017 - 9:31am

I crochet like a granny on speed. You can always tell when I am really stressed more hats get made then can EVER get worn. LOL.

Pecanflower's picture

Submitted by Pecanflower on Wed, 01/18/2017 - 9:30am

LOL. But blankets take sooooo long to do. I am an impatient crafter. I like to see a finished project. I used to make crocheted bracelets with reclaimed buttons (vintage, antique or just really cute unique buttons I would cut off of ugly clothes) and thread or funky yarn...until I had over 200 bracelets and friends told me not to "gift" them anymore. LOL

So now it's hats.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 01/18/2017 - 9:42am

you can do baby blankets and donate them to a children's charity! or even an animal shelter or rescue.

so sorry everything has built up inside and came out the way it did. you need some dedicated me-time.