I was married for 20 years, no children and on good terms with my ex. I had no reason not be .. we never had children, had no assets to squabble over, and just got bored with each other.

In 2006 I started dating Dan (now my second husband). Dan had four children... Jessica (19 yrs old and pregnant for a 50 year old drug addict); Daniel (11 years); Ben (7 years) and Grace (3 years)... their ages when we first started dating.

I was immersed into a world of caustic ex-wife communique mediated between their children; endless divorce court papers and hearings; moments where I became the villain; five solid years of alternate weekends of 6 hours on Northern roads driving on Fridays to pickup and bring his children to our home and then six hours on Sunday to bring them back to their mother's house and then return home; helping him making sure his children had a nice bedroom in our home; bought toys, stored toys in space I would crave for my painting /sewing room; witnessed the distress of a child forgetting homework in Dad's home'; and of course the ultimate step-mother experience ... help her husband provide undivided attention to these little visitors in her home (i.e... stock up on "kid food"; make the meals, clean up, do the laundry ...etc..).

Looking back I see four phases I went through as a step-parent during the first five years of being a stepmother:

Phase 1) The first year I was an Active Participant as a Caretaker When His Children Were In Our Home. I absolutely loved this period of being a step-parent. No wonder it is called the honeymoon period. I was the wonder woman, the goddess! I could pick-up the kids, cook supper, give him a great blow job, walk the dog the next morning; and sit with him for hours planning his divorce strategy. But then I got tired of it.

Phase 2) By the end of the third year into being a step-mother I saw myself as a Service Worker to His Children and resented it. I Began discussing with Dan that we should have Rules / Jobs for His Children Were In Our Home. I pontificated that children without roles in household feel worthless. Dan was good at first. We created chore boards, sat with the kids and explained the rules in our house. We created awards charts ... It all sounded good. Until those many days for the next two years I witnessed Dan doing the chores that his kids were supposed to do - make their bed, put out the garbage, rake the leaves. I knew it was a no win when I consistently witnessed Dan take them to Walmart or treat them to $100+ at the movies when they did not brush their teeth, take a shower, and/or put their coke cans in the garbage.

Phase 3) Within five years I started fighting with Dan about his lack of parenting. His inability to say "no" to his kids. I started to not join Dan and his kids on their daddy organized bike rides, daddy organized movies, daddy organized dog walks. I started to view daddy organized as a form of retardation training for the kids. I could pontificate about our parenting differences but at this point I am tired of talking about Dan and his kids and his ex-wife.

Phase 4) I woke one morning and Dan decided he would not put any more effort into seeing his children. I had no choice, no say, no consideration into his decision. I realized that moment how unimportant I am.

Regards, Stepmother