Parenting Plan Help!

Long time no post. I am mostly disengaged and like it. SO has court on Friday and was told by the judge to come up with a parenting plan as the verbal between BM and him clearly isn't working. Basically BM stopped visitation based on false allegations made by SS11. Full on DYFS investigation, mind you DFYS NEVER advised against visits nor did they file any kind of emergency hearing to stop visits until the case was closed. BM just took it upon herself. Well after speaking DYFS they encouraged SO to file a motion to get his parenting time in writing. Which he did. He went to court last week BM and her lawyer showed up and tried everything they could to nail SO's balls to the wall including a 10 paragraph motion that the judge didn't even address! It was awesome. Every time BM was asked when SO could see the kids BM tried to say DYFS advised against it. Want to know all the judge cared about? The letter from DYFS to HER saying the case is closed and all allegations are unfounded. Judge was getting very annoyed with BM and her lawyer. So SO goes back to court Friday. Below I've copied and pasted the parenting plan we've come up that works for us. I was hoping some the more experienced SM's could give some opinions or tweek it, maybe I left something out.

Thanks Ladies

1) Visitation every other Saturday from 10am to 8pm (negotiable). I’d like to re-visit with the court in 6 months for over nights visits.

2) Holidays previously agreed on and work for both myself and Ms.Cuntastic they are as follows. Christmas day from 10am to 6pm and father’s day from 10am to 6pm.

3) Transportation to be shared between myself and Ms.Cuntastic . As previously agreed I will pick them up for parenting time at the agreed time and Ms.Cuntastic can pick them up at the agreed time.

4) As previously agreed between myself and Ms.Cuntastic I can call the children on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I like to talk to my children more than once very other Saturday. I’d like that to continue and be documented in the parenting plan. I do understand due to sports and other obligations that they may not always be available. I would appreciate a call back within 24 hours.

5) I’d like one weeks’ notice via email of any changes to the parenting plan. Due to past conflicts any extra circular activities outside of sports or school activities should be left to my digression as to whether my children attend or not. I do not want to keep them from their friends, but I’d like to be given the opportunity to either see them after said event or switch the day to Sunday.

6) I’d like to be notified one week in advance via email of all sporting events ex. Football games, baseball game and any other sports or activities my sons decide to participate in. Also all school events or activities, back to school night, parent teacher conferences. Plays, concerts, ect. I should be given the opportunity to attend these events even if they do not fall on my parenting time.

7) I’d like to continue having all communication with Ms.Cuntastic via email unless my children are in need of immediate medical attention. All other illnesses or concerns can be relayed via email. Of course my children are always welcome to call me whenever they want.

justanothergurlNJ's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I hope others will weigh in

I hope others will weigh in here, but IMHO, I'd start by asking for the moon.

Do you want EOWe overnights, week-on/week-off, etc? Ask for that right off the bat.

Are those the only holidays you want? What about summer/vacation/school break custody?

I'd make each point more of a bullet point eg. "3. Children to be made available at the home of the other parent (or at such-and-such location) and are to be picked up by the receiving parent at the agreed-upon time.

I'd remove item 5 altogether - do not allow anything to interfere with parenting time on paper, in practice you can be more flexible. What might be useful here would be along the lines of, "Changes to parenting plan eg. switching days or weekends, must be agreed-to by me, in writing, at least one week in advance."

Point 6 - Dad should also be contacting school and sports organizers for this information and not relying on Mom. So rather than asking BM to do all the communication about each event, instead ask for contact information and that all coaches, teachers, etc are made aware that Dad will be contacting them separately (or checking a website).

I get that but we don't want

I get that but we don't want all that. As advised by the therapist. The visitation that was advised works. We are more interested in keeping BM as much out of our lives as possible.

1. Sounds like bending over

1. Sounds like bending over backwards to be fair. I do think he should get overnight.

OSS is in therapy and not ready for that. BM SO and therapist are all in agreement. Side note neither SO or myself are comfortable with him in the house after the false allegations made to DYFS

2. I do not think either parent should always get Christmas. I think that should be alternated odd/even.
This works for all involved. She does Xmas eve with her family dinner exchanging gift ect. I do xmas eve with my family and bios. So xmas day works for all.

3. Can anyone besides an actual parent pick up? To be addressed.
Never been an issue but will through it in for good measure

4. How long will phone call be? Designate time in advance.
Good Point

5. Notification hard to give if illness, other stuff.
Not sure I understand. BM has had a bad habit of calling texting SO in the middle of the day or whenever she is bored because someone has a runny nose.

6. Dad should be put on school/sport access list, by dad. He needs to be proactive, read school website, etc. This item should be left for stuff it is impossible for him to be a contact on (and I cannot think of any in my kids' life).

he's done both and some seems to always get derailed. We don't live in the same town so BM seems to have her way with coaches, teachers. SO gets progress reports, child study team info but plays, concerts ect aren't always posted on the school sight. He's emailed coaches and asked for schedules and the coaches have always went back to BM for permission.

So maybe re-word it that BM is to provide SO with all sports schedules?

I hope others will weigh in

I hope others will weigh in here, but IMHO, I'd start by asking for the moon.

Do you want EOWe overnights, week-on/week-off, etc? Ask for that right off the bat.

OSS is in therapy and not ready for that. BM SO and therapist are all in agreement. Side note neither SO or myself are comfortable with him in the house after the false allegations made to DYFSS

Are those the only holidays you want? What about summer/vacation/school break custody?
Those are all he wants. vacation school break ect doesn't work there is no child care available BM SAHL

So maybe re-word it that BM is to provide SO with all sports schedules?

�
�

Shoot for the moon...

***

he is....Myself and Ms

he is....Myself and Ms Cuntastic would be him and bm

yep - figured that out -

yep - figured that out - DOH!!!

The best advice we ever got

The best advice we ever got from our lawyer was always ask for more than you are willing to settle for i.e., allow for compromise and negotiations.

For example, my DH's lawyer asked for a month in the summer, knowing that my DH could only get off work one week at most. The other three weeks were used as leverage to get BM to agree to some of the things she wasn't at all happy with...namely the No Contact order!

NCP's do not have to use all

NCP's do not have to use all of the time that they are allotted for visitation. Talk to your lawyer to see if getting more time in the custody order but not using it all might adversely affect future court action, if not it could save going back to court in the next year or so. An alternative could be to specify what schedule works for now and then a second schedule that would kick in ether in 6 or 12 months or when the therapist says it is appropriate, which ever is sooner. That way you might save yourselves a trip to court and some money. Not sure if it's is possible, again this needs discussing with your lawyer. If communication is an issue you could ask that all communication (bar life threatening emergencies) is via our family wizard. That way it can be submitted to the court if needed too.

The separate issue to the paperwork is working out with your husband how you two are going to handle having SS overnight if the theraist ok's it but you do not feel ready to trust SS.

We don't have a lawyer. We

We don't have a lawyer. We just cannot afford one. Thanks for the input. Honestly if I had my way I'd let him do this on his own but one wrong decision on his part affect me and mine!

why is he proposing such

why is he proposing such limited hours and no overnights for himself? the judge is asking, this is the time to ask for ALL or a little more than he wants

OSS is in therapy and not

OSS is in therapy and not ready for that. BM SO and therapist are all in agreement. Side note neither SO or myself are comfortable with him in the house after the false allegations made to DYFS

You need to add monetary

You need to add monetary stuff like co-pays, braces, registration fees for ECs. Number 6 makes your DH sounds lazy. BM is not his secretary and shouldn't have to update him in schedules or school events. He's a grown up and should contact the school himself which leads me to another point you should add: make sure it's in writing that she lists him as emergency contact at school and the school knows that he is allowed school information. Same for medical records. I agree that he needs to add a lot so he can negotiate. Think about the future like summer vacations, Getting the kid for nationals holidays and other holidays the court doesn't recognize (Halloween) to put in rotation. Think about waking up with kids for Christmas morning (Odd years DH gets kids from 6pm Christmas Eve until noon Christmas Day or something like that). He need to think about what kind of Ex she is.

If she's limiting their contact then he needs to ask for a specific time and day to call. Honestly three nights a week is nuts. I can see maybe twice if the kids have a lot going on. Another thing you should change is the request to revisit in 6months. Don't suggest it, put it in the papers now. Put something like Saturday's from 8:30-6:30 and then Friday 6:30-Sunday 6:30 for the 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend after 6 months of Saturday's (if he is not working). I think it's good to make each party responsible for pick ups for their own custody time. Meeting somewhere halfway in a public place like police station usually keeps things civil. I also think it's a good idea to limit communication to emails or emergency calls. Maybe you could slip in there something that says he can make up any time lost.

You are here

Comments