Would you tell?
DH has been bragging about SD9 and how well she has taken her punishment for lying. She was grounded from her tablet, TV, and computer. He told her to keep her tablet in the closet and use the alarm on it. I have noticed her spending extremely long amounts of time in the bathroom since her punishment (1.5+ hours). Its been so bad that she hasn't been getting chores done or been going to bed on time. At first, I thought she was having some stomach issues again, but as this kept happening, I got suspicious and went looking for her tablet while she was in the bathroom. I caught her coming out of the bathroom with it. She has been sitting in there playing games and watching videos. She has even disabled the parental controls and been using it for longer than the hour (she claims she guessed the password). I took the tablet from her and told her to do her chores. She ended up finishing her chores and going to bed on time (crying the entire time). I didn't yell or lecture her. I just told her I was going to tell DH when he gets home from work.
Well my best friend told me that I shouldn't tell DH. She says that this is a good opportunity for me to build trust with SD9. I thought about it, but I still feel like that would be wrong. I don't think DH would appreciate me hiding it from him, especially when he is going to let her off punishment a few days early (because he believes she has been doing so well and she won an award at school). Would you tell your DH? Am I wrong for feeling like it would be lying to him and overstepping to keep this a secret? Any advice would be appreciated.
- CompletelyPuzzled's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
United front. You tell dh.
United front. You tell dh.
I'm thinking perhaps SD
I'm thinking perhaps SD should tell Dad of her defying sneaky behavior. Yeah, inform her she tells her father or you will have to.
Tell him. You don't owe her
Tell him. You don't owe her any loyalty. You do owe it to DH.
You don't build trust on lies and omission is a lie.
You should tell your husband.
You should tell your husband.
You tell. Because she has to
You tell. Because she has to see what happens when you do something wrong and get found out. Have a quiet word and tell him yourself "Honey, SD has been in the bathroom an awful lot lately. I thought she had some illness but it seems she was using her tablet in there with the door locked. I think we roll the clock back and she starts with her punishment all over again. And we buy her an alarm clock from Walmart this weekend."
This is not something to 'bond' over. You bond over a movie. You bond over a mutual dislike for grapes. You bond over a new song you both play over and over again. You do not bond over deceitful behaviour. Because if you do this you are giving her permission when she is older to bond with her friends over underage drinking or unprotected sex. It is the principle of the matter.
Think of it this way: how
Think of it this way: how would you feel if SD and your DH kept something she did from you? Something that you feel she was justly in punishment for? Would you be mad if he caught her and let her slide for the sake of "building trust"? Many here complain how their DH chose their kids in this exact kind of situation over the stepmom's request or rules; don't be like that. Tell him or better yet have her tell him herself. The confession will teach her more than you tattling on her ever will.
Tell him, he should know.
Tell him, he should know. Maybe he will will actually step up and watch his kid more closely and extend the punishment since she broke the rules. I would change the wifi password too
Dad needs to know! Never make
Dad needs to know! Never make deals with the enemy, it will bite you in the ass.
Well my best friend told me
Well my best friend told me that I shouldn't tell DH. She says that this is a good opportunity for me to build trust with SD9.
Build trust? That is ridiculous. You are a parental figure in the household, not someone trying to be her best friend.
SD is the one who needs to build some trust and she can start by coming clean to her dad, with you present.
Very bad precedent to set; that you will keep her secrets from her dad, your husband.
Tell kid that she has until
Tell kid that she has until 7pm tonight to tell her dad. At 7:01, YOU tell him if she hasn't.
United front. Team effort.
You do NOT want to teach the kid that you will lie and cover up for her. Nuh uh...no way!!
WOB has your answer, you tell
WOB has your answer, you tell her to turn her own ass in or you will do it. By doing this she knows that you are a united front and is it also a lesson in being accountable.