After telling DH all of your suggestions from my last blog (he says thanks lol)

https://www.steptalk.org/node/228639

DH said he wanted to try a combination of Amcc's idea and Notthemomma's idea.

Amcc suggested asking SS to repeat back what we'd just told him, so it's stuck in his head better.

Notthemomma's idea was asking SS *why* we told him what we just did, to make him actually start thinking for himself rather than just following orders blindly.

Both DH and I did this with him all weekend but I can't remember the times that DH did it. I kinda switched off and stopped listening as it wasn't my responsibility at the time it was DHs. So these are examples I remember that *I* did.

Ok. So. I was setting up Skype to talk to DH's mom. The kids were real excited to talk to Grandma. 

Background: The only reason SS likes Skype is that he can see himself on the little screen so he gets his face right in the camera and makes stupid faces. We have told him endless times not to do this. Once, I even (after telling him 3 times in a row in the space of 3 minutes) told him "That's it, go and talk to Daddy in the next room, you'll speak to Grandma another time" (DHs mom was fully understanding of that btw, she knows that we keep him straight and that's why he's such a good boy) So, as I was setting it up I said:

Me: "Ok SS, what are we *not* going to do" 
SS: "Be silly"
Me: "And what else?"
SS: "uhhh.."
Me: "You are not going to get your face right in the camera. What are you not going to do"
SS: "Not get my face in the camera"
Me: "And why is that?"
SS: "uhhh.."
Me: "because Grandma wants to see *all* of our faces to say hi"
SS: "ok"

I was quite surprised that he didn't know why, I've told him so many times. So I felt quite good about him actually thinking WHY we tell him stuff. When we skyped, he didn't get in the camera ONCE Normally Skyping is a real battle but this time was nice

2nd thing was SS interrupting: I was talking to DH in the kitchen and he came running in to tell us something and interupted me.

Me: "SS, DO NOT INTERUPT. What shouldn't you do?"
SS: "I shouldn't interupt"
Me: "Why shouldn't you interupt"
SS: "I can't remember"
Me: "Because it's rude. And people don't want to be friends with rude people. Do you like having lots of friends?"
SS: "yes"
Me: "Well let's not interupt, then you'll be a polite boy who people want to be around and has lots of friends!"
SS: "ok"

(I then turned round to DH, finished the sentance I was in the middle of, and turned back to SS saying "ok I'm done talking, what were you going to say")

Again, I was very surprised that he didn't know why you don't interupt?!!

The last example I can think of wasn't as successful as the others I just remembered. Sigh.

Background: SS's bike is too big to play with in our little garden, but DD2's little trike is out there. SS plays on it even though he's way too big for it. He likes "making it fly!" above his head then slamming it back onto the ground and leaping back on it. 

We've told him several million times not to do this, and also told that DD copies everything he does and if she tried that she'd really hurt herself. (I don't want to tell him he's not allowed to play on it, as he does enjoy it when he's playing with it sensibly, and also let's DD have a turn when she asks)

Me: "SS, stop lifting DD2's trike above your head. (insert ashamed look from SS) What do you need to do?"
SS: "stop lifting the trike up"
Me: "and why do we not do that?"
SS: "because DD will copy me and hurt herself"
Me: "ok good boy. Try and remember"

So I was feeling pleased about that. He knew why he shouldn't do it, (yay! all the other times this weekend he didn't seem to know why!) because we've told him so many times. But, 2 minutes later he did it again. Sigh. I must admit DH had talked about what we'd try (repeating and asking him why) but hadn't fully discussed what we'd do if he didn't listen and did it again, so I wasn't prepared for that happening. I think maybe a time out for doing it a second time? 

Questions: what do you think consequences will be for not listening a second time? Sometimes it happens when we are out, and there might not be an appropriate place for a time out.

I kinda liked the idea of the reward jar that Amcc and GoingWicked suggested, combined with sticker chart.

Taking away tokens every time we have to remind him more than once, and if he keeps all his tokens for the day he gets a sticker. Once he gets a certain amount of stickers we get to do something fun.

But DH wasn't too sure about that, he said he thought SS just needs to listen without being rewarded for something as simple as doing as he's told. Sigh. Maybe as time goes on and we try a few more things, he'll come round to the idea?

I'm not sure what the consequence should be for him doing something a second time that we've already told him not to do.