After weeks of sleeping in separate beds and passing each other by quietly in the house, I left the day after we had a big talk. I reached out to my wife the next day in an email informing her I still love her and that I only left to give us some space for the kids sake. That I would continue to bring the kids to their appointments and to school. Her response was stark - I don't want to fight over email. Not knowing what to do with that response I gave her some more space.

We have communicated sporadically. She's now insistent that she had agreed to see a couples councilor on several occasion. Perhaps she had, but I'd been asking for over a year since our last attempt and she's always been adamantly against it. So maybe she happened to say yes recently and I didn't hear her. I've seen the kids a handful of times. Picked the little one up from school a few days this week. That was nice. Even the step daughter is OK, though I don't trust her.

My wife has agreed to see a couples councilor and that's a great first step. The text I received from her about it says she's not going because she thinks it'll help things, but more so I have the satisfaction of arguing in front of someone. I don't like arguing, but if you accuse me of being something wildly inaccurate, I'll defend myself. The problem is the wilder the accusations get the more I have to defend myself the more I appear to be arguing. This is why I'd like to go to a councilor, to wrangle in the conversation. We both need it, not just my wife. We sometimes get bogged down too much on semantics and can't see the forest through the trees. I'm hoping that just getting her in the door of the councilor helps the situation move forward to a resolution. A resolution of togetherness, not separation.

I've been with her daughter and then my son virtually everyday since becoming a stay at home dad. I stayed with them while she worked late, went on business trips, to concerts, several trips with her daughter, when shopping at the mall, and so forth. I don't ask for much in return other than for some time on the weekend to do yard stuff or to tinker in my workshop. I feel guilty buying new clothes or not wearing my sneakers out for long enough - which drives her crazy. But i guess I am selfish to do all of this for her, the kids and the house.

That all said, I know I have issues to resolve. I've always admitted my imperfections and my shortcomings.I'm receptive to these things, but I'm not gonna let them rule me. I learn from them. Move on. And have another go. This is something new to me over the past 5 or so years. I used to relish in my shortcomings and past missteps letting them govern my life going forward. Hey, we all make mistakes. Move on and learn from them, or let them haunt everyday going forward causing you to live in a state of panic that you'll never succeed.

The more texts I get from my wife, the more I read her emails about how I should have done this, or that a certain way - a way more aligned with her sensibilities and preference - the more I hear her Dad and how he would cut her down on a regular basis. Rather than congratulate her for being able to afford a nice house for her family he'd tell her how broke she'll when the piece of shit house starts to fall apart and how he won't be there to help. I don't think anyone escapes unscathed from growing up with a parent like that. I don't care how successful you become or how happy you project yourself to be to others. That type of emotional abuse has to rock your soul. Has to right?