...enforce the no living with un related persons clause that SO put in the agreement...

There are two different things you can do.

One. Maintain separate homes.

Two. Get married.

Unless BM finds someone she wants to live with and not marry those would seem to be your choices.

SO wanted this in the agreement. It has come back to bite him.

Agreed.

I suggest separate homes because I have a feeling your SO is going to harbor some resentment over this turn of events.

My second suggestion is to learn from your mistakes. Never bad-mouth the skids or the BM in a public place.

You were so far out of line in your comments. First you were drinking and slanging off someone else who was not there. I would have a big problem with my exs GF getting drunk and referring to my daughters as whores. I mean what kind of crappy remark is that to make in public? And loud enough that it can be recorded? These are 9 and 12 yr old girls. It wasn't just her daughters you were talking about. It is your child's half sisters and your husbands daughters.

As far as the 'not getting married' idea. Well you know what you want. However I am sure a good estate attorney could tie up your investments in a Trust that will work exactly how you want it.

One thing though, the fact that the 2 of you have a shared child still doesn't count? I mean the child will be at a detriment if both parents are not actively raising the child. That is the angle I would work. And NEVER EVER get drunk in public again. It may also work in your favour to set some money aside for those girls and their brother for college and let their mother know about it.

Do not drink in public. Ever. Ur setting urself up for legal procedings, and now for civil/family hearings. I understand u felt safe to cut up w/ friends, but know u know "u never know...." im sorry ur dealing with this, weve all done shit that has backfired badly...... learning experience....

Dup

Sounds like you put your foot in your mouth big time. What horribly, ugly things to say about young girls. It was so loud that it was easily recorded at a fair? Sad. Trashy. No class. BM is completely justified in not wanting you near the children you clearly have no regard for.

Lots of people pay child support with 50/50 custody.

If I was DH I'd be pissed at you too, considering the limited time he now has with his kids.

You've got a lot of damage to repair, if it's even possible. I would start by not calling anyone a bitch for a while and see how that goes.

If you love him and he loves you, get a prenup, get married and hope for the best. You can't always get want you want. And yeah, you wanted a bitch, so you got one.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. We've all made mistakes and said things we didn't mean when we were having a good time. It's really unfortunate that BM's sister overheard you.

If you want to marry, and he'll marry you, go to another attorney and get another opinion. Make sure that this time you go to an attorney that specializes in estate law. Not all attorneys do.

Not sure what the law is where you live, but here property owned before marriage, and kept separate, stays separate. You write the pre nup, do wills that reflect it after the wedding, and get the new husband to sign off on things like 401k that by federal law go to the spouse unless specifically declined. It's tedious, and can be expensive, but it can be done.

If you marry, you could get to live together. But, do not expect BM to be any different. She has reason to be upset.

So, you f*ck ed up. You can't change that. You have apologized and probably will still need to grovel for a while.

Moving forward, you have to fix this before your DH resents you. I know you were told that you should not get married to protect your assets. A lot depends on your state. But, there is a way to accomplish what you want in regards to your assets. Please get another legal opinion.

I'm not saying marriage is the best thing or that it will fix all of it. I'd you decide not to get married, you have to get another residence. Your DH will resent you as the reason he doesn't see his kids 50/50 anymore.

No lecture about drinking in public and voicing your darkest thoughts. But a suggestion, I have a regular girls night where we meet at someone's home, have dinner and plenty of wine. Any and every thing is discussed. No one else is around and venting (and celebrating too) is safe with those intimate friends. It seriously reduces my urge say things that I know I shouldn't.

Ok, wait. Do I understand?

SO + BM = kids 50/50.
SO + OP = kid 50/50 due to judge's ruling on not shacking up.

Judge has ruled OP cannot be in the home when skids are there, presumably that means shared child goes with OP since it is a baby.

Thus OP should be seeking formal 25/75 custody for baby with SO, since the judge ruled that the couple cannot live together, right? And OP will have baby 50% FT and 50% shared, SO 50% shared.

If the BM had no problem with the OP living with the SO while skids were there for 1.5 years, then I don't understand how *now* the judge ruled that OP can't live there while skids there.

Unless the *now* is not about not living together clause, but about the calling the skids whores.

And while I think it is wonderful that someone steps in to protect their child from learning that someone in their life said something terrible about them while out of their sight and hearing, I think it's very strange that there is legal recourse available.

For the record, no one did a damn thing when my mom or my dad said horrible things about me, to me. So I guess I'm just jealous that these kids are getting such great care and I didn't, and so many other kids aren't?

If you ever want this possibly fixed, you need to get your own place to live. I'm sure the resentment your SO feels would be compounded by the fact that he's losing visitation with his bios because you're there. Get your own place and do it yesterday. Very first thing into possibly resolving this mess.

Secondly, don't ever drink in public. If you and your girlfriends want to let loose, do it at each other's homes with no one else around.

Thirdly, that was pretty horrible. His children are quite young so, as a BM, I have to say I would be less than thrilled at having you around my minor children when you obviously think so little of them. Being drunk does not change your feelings towards anything. Being drunk lowers your inhibitions and reserve so that you say what was always on your mind anyway. Drunk words are sober thoughts.

Since you obviously harbor some deep resentment of his children, is it good for you to be with him? I mean I know you love him but love isn't enough to not horribly resent these innocent children. You and him have a lot to talk about and resolve. If he even is interested. But he won't be one percent interested as long as you remain in the home and he's losing out on spending time with his kids.

I know you regret and are sorry but saying it won't help. Something as colossal as this? You HAVE to SHOW it! And like right now!! You will eat a ton of crow to make this better, if it can be fixed at all.

I wouldn't bother fighting this if your dh resents you anyway (although it sounds defensible). you sound very remorseful, which is required to be truly appologetic. tell your dh that you caused this situation and you will find another place to live (unless this is YOUR home). then leave the decision up to him as to whether he wants to fight this or not. at some point your dh is going to have to forgive you (that means letting go of any resentment) so that you can move on in your marriage or divorce. but do not spend the rest of your life beating yourself up for this. people make mistakes. lord knows I've said some things about my skids that would have shaken the world if it were recorded. but the fact is that it wasn't said to them, you do not abuse or hurt them, and words do not equal actions. so, if your dh cannot move beyond this, you will be better off without him because you will be setting yourself up to be his whipping post and a doormat to skids. you cannot force people to forgive, but you have a right to forgive yourself at some point.

Sad. I agree that you may want to research and find another attorney that has a great track record and will fight for you, one whose specialty is family law. It will take research on your part and not word of mouth. We learned that the hard way.
At one point we had a judge state "first in birth, first in rights" or something like that meaning that we could be living on the street with our children while BM received a huge CS check.
It's sad that BM took her anger over this event to the courts. I too would be livid if that was said about my Bio's.
You truly sound sorry and this was for sure a learning event for you.
Funny thing is I have wanted for so long to say something to the BM or her SO on this end over every thing that she has said and done but my DH constantly tells me No because it will alienate the skids. It sucks that BM can say whatever she wants whenever she wants and I just have to sit here and take it.
Good luck to you.

WOW. My suggestion: get your tubes tied.

I would stay away from BM. Going to her job, imo, was a mistake. She could slap harassment or a restraining order or something against you.

Of all the shit that people post here talking about their skids and all the choice words that are used... I find it a little "funny" the judgement that is being passed here.

Especially people that post day in and day out calling their skids names, making fun of them, giving them nicknames. Picking on their skids, looking for any little thing to make the skid look bad... geez do I need to go on?

The only difference with OP is that she was actually caught.

You will be forced to be married in order to stay in the same home as your SO and 9 month old son?! Are we in frickin Saudi Arabia?! So if you were unmarried cousins and had a kid that would be ok?! Your son is related to your SO so how can you legally be forced to leave your son for 50% of the time, or force SO to be away from the baby 50% of the time? This is what the court is asking you to do and is unrealistic and inhumane for your situation. If you and bio son are forced out of the home when skids are there they will never have a chance to bond with their brother. I fail to see how this is enforceable under the circumstances since there is a joint child involved. This situation will do irreparable harm to your bio son.

It sounds like the video was not a factor in the judges decision since it would all be smoothed over if you were legally married. Plus you were being recorded without your knowledge so such evidence may be thrown out. Please keep screenshots of BM saying, "I know how to be a bitch" and anything else that may help your cause. You know you were wrong so I don't need to tell you. I would recommend that you go to counseling for your issues with skids and drinking just to have records to show that you acknowledge you goofed, are serious about being sorry and wanting to change. Remember to vent here, this is what the site is for! Keep details vague and anonymous.

SO's clause that HE put in the agreement has come back to bite him hard. He didn't want a guy cohabiting with BM yet he moved you in and ignored the CO. If anything he should be mad at himself for his lack foresight. Since you both do not want to get married I would not go that route.

Best of luck to you. The situation really sucks!

I've gotten drunk and said those kind of things to my SO...his kids are adults
Move out! Marriage isn't an option,right?? No marriage means this "relationship" has plateaued,and this was before this mess arose. Not, unless you want to be an older(meaning over 21) woman shacked up with baby daddy forever!
We as people are so different. One of my BFFs asked my BD12 (at the time) if she had an audition at the strip club. Her shorts were cheeky!!! We all laughed and my D changed her shorts.Now, IMO if my D would have gotten offensive I would know the type of gal she could turn into.
Be thankful you can support your own!
Prayers!

OP- I think you need to talk to your SO and find out what he wants to do or think is the best thing.

Get married?

Live apart but still be together?

Separate?

What is done is done. Dont beat yourself up over it. It sucks. I have rung a bell that can't be unrung as well and it has affected my relationship with the skids. But it is what it is. I apologized for my part and that was all I could do.

Have an honest and open conversation with your SO about how he feels about what you have said, as well as how he feels about not using his 50% time lately with the skids.

PS Why not have a marriage ceremony without a license? How would anyone know the difference?

Get married. Problem solved.

All states are different - but is there any chance you could already common-law married? In my state you have to present yourself publicly as husband and wife. Other states use different standards. One more thing to think about...