Should I or shouldn't I?

BM and DH's therapist wants me and BM to have a sit down together. Basically, she blames all of her emotional problems on me, and he thinks that if we meet it might get better. BM and I never talk, NEVER. I don't want to talk to her, but I have no problem sitting down with the three of us. I already know what would happen. BM would rage and throw tantrums, and I would sit there and smile, because I find it very uplifting that I ruin this woman's life just because I am breathing. Anyways, DH told the therapist that he knew I would meet with them but BM would probably say no. This was last week and I have not heard from the therapist's office, so I am assuming that bm said no to even trying at a meeting. However, I want this therapist to know that I am more than willing to work on my relationship with BM. Should I call his office and try and set up a meeting with the three of us? What would you do?

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I would like to sit down with

I would like to sit down with her too now that I think about it. DH already had one on one time with the therapist and the therapist told DH that a major problem is that BM is extremely jealous of me. He told DH that BM feels I have this presence that commands everyone's attention, which is why BM wants me to stay at home instead of going out with DH.
In reality (since BM Is detached from reality), I do not command anything. I am just not a shy person, and I can strike up a conversation with anyone. I am also nice, which is the complete opposite of her. Moms on SS9's soccer team are always telling dh how nasty bm is to them.

Yeah do it! Our BM started

Yeah do it!

Our BM started work at my sons school, I went in to talk to the Principal (she has targeted my children and made gross accusations about them, I wanted to know that my sons were still in a safe environment, anyway) I told Principal I'd be happy to have a sit down with BM in his office so we can resolve things. I'm like you, i can be all smiles etc and happy to do it with a third person present, would never meet with BM alone though! Our BM declined, told Principal it's not necessary, went off at SO about how hard it is for her to go to work and hold her head high, HA! Love it!

MINE FIELD ALERT!! If you do

MINE FIELD ALERT!!

If you do meet with them and the therapist sees you are a reasonable person, not a three headed yetti, then that will take another victimization badge off of the BM's sleeve--and she won't like it!!

So therefore, BM won't agree to it as it strips away yet another layer of perma-victim.

I know she won't agree to it

I know she won't agree to it because we have tried before. However, I want to come off looking like the good guy to this therapist. Not because his opinion matters to me but because he is writing a report to the courts and I want him to know that I am willing to do whatever is necessary to make the situation better for SS9

Happily volunteer for the

Happily volunteer for the meeting and stock up on vaseline for your gums just in case.

Well this therapist wants to

Well this therapist wants to see that we are all trying to work together for the kid, so I want him to know that I am willing to try even if she can't.

Wait...your DH and BM have

Wait...your DH and BM have the same therapist?

Right? I sure hope not!!!

Yup! They are court ordered

Yup! They are court ordered to meet once a week until mid September so we are almost done. Dh would never have agreed to meet with her if it hadn't been court ordered. It is out of his hands

Just an FYI; SO and BM had

Just an FYI; SO and BM had court ordered therapy/mediation (it's mediation with a trained therapist who can help HC parties reach agreements) with a clinical psychologist, 18 sessions in total over 3 years.

I've struggled with depression and social anxiety this year, I recently started seeing 'their' therapist.

He's AMAZING! And given that he knows BM and SO well, it's really helped my therapy.

HOWEVER, most therapists etc approach therapy by helping their patient become authentic and self aware/responsible. There a very few therapists etc out there who help a patient become strategic with the HC party in their life.

here's a wee link that explains it a bit better; http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virginia-gilbert-mft/what-therapists-dont-...

Although my therapy is going REALLY well on a personal level and my therapist is aware of BM's uBPD, GU and HC ways, he's suggesting I 'seek to understand BM rather then blame', and that I should just (and he casually puts it) 'live my life without thinking about her' blah blah, I mean, I'd love to do all that, but it's hard when BM specifically targets me and my children and succeeds in effecting my life (via CO, verbal agreements with SO and GAL that I hold back till she's *ready* etc). He even said, if I know that my presence upsets BM, why don't I choose to stay back to prevent her getting upset, basically, because I'm the sane one who can take personal responsibility, then I should! (because that would lead to 'less conflict'), but to me, BM wants me to step back FOREVER, how is that practical, logical or fair ???

What I'm trying to warn you about, is that therapy may not help you solve the problems with BM but place responsibility on you (as the sane one) to be aware of BM's issues and do what you can to lessen the conflict and problems. BUT if he's writing a report, yeah, your willingness to meet with BM may help (but BM will likely decline, they don't want to give up that powerful card *us SM are mean and evil*)

I wouldn't do anything

I wouldn't do anything because I couldn't care less about what DH's ex and a therapist think.

This is what I would do. Wait

This is what I would do. Wait for a formal invitation from the therapist directly, is this their idea, or your husbands? Do they genuinely believe it would be helpful? Then I would check with your husband's attorney, if they believe that it would be helpful to the case if you attended and a hindrance if you declined to go or if your involvement doesn't really matter. Then if, and only if, you know you can keep your cool in the therapists office and are confident that you will come across well, then I would go. I would see it as doing your husband a favor and helping his case. It also has the other bonus that there is a tiny possibility that it may help improve relations with BM.