Push, push, push. I think we ALL prefer not to have failure to launch living in our houses. I doubt ASS is a Matthew Mcconaughey.

Here's what I'd do:

I'd talk to DH without taking a stance or pushing at all. Here's the convo:

WOB: Oh, hey DH, you were mentioning that ASS isn't really doing anything towards reaching his goals of college or a job/apartment. Out of my own selfish desire to see him launch, I'm curious - what are you doing to help him?

AND SAY NOTHING ELSE. I totally expect your DH to be all, Whaddya mean, I should be doing something, I don't want to hurt his fee-fees, I don't want to rock the boat, whatever whatever me me me. And maybe even irritated or frustrated in your direction.

Just let it slide. Back to oh, I see.

Because DH doesn't want to be reminded of the situation with ASS in the first place, nor does he want to be reminded that it's actually his job to do some parenting here. But he knows it's a hot-button issue that could cost him his marriage.

So let him know you're still expecting him to pull an ace out of his sleeve. Maybe he will.

dont push ASS, but definitely push dh behind the scenes. he will launch dammit, even if it takes *you* shoving him out of the nest!

Push. Don't push. While he's not your monkey the circus he creates is definitely on your doorstep. Million-dollar business? Great. College? Wonderful. Street corner? Ok, last resort, but launch from your home he must.

Your DH will never go with the street corner. Kid doesn't have the maturity nor attitude to build the business. College will be your best bet and you'll likely have to shove not nudge the entire process. Sell it as kid's key to starting that desired business he wants to start.

One of the VERY few times I engaged was when it looked like SS was going to really fail his senior year. I pushed the totally living crap out of DH to make damn sure that kid graduated so he could go into the military!
You may want to put that bug in his ear too! The Navy is an amazing experience and they will pay for his college.

Stay on DHs butt.

He's a senior and still has time to apply and get accepted. However, he needs to get in gear.

I'd encourage DH to find out if the high school has any parent nights that explain the process as many do and they are very informative. Seeing and hearing how interested other parents are could be a wake up call for DH. (Although since DH is getting interested I think the start of senior year has begun his wake up call. DH is realizing that high school is soon over and unless something happens he may end up living with and supporting ASS by himself.)

I'd tell him that ASS needs to go to guidance and find out the dates of the appropriate test (SAT or ACT) and sign up to take it. If ASS has no idea what to study I'd encourage a community college to start, and I'd discourage large loans that DH will end up paying off with his social security checks.

I'd encourage only if DH brings it up. You've already told him what to do. The ball is in his court.

I'd push. It makes you look helpful to DH and gets ASS out of your home.

My concern is that if she does not push her DH, she will be stuck with skid longer. We all know that DH has said kid is out at 18. BUUUUT...who actually beleives it? WOB then will not put up with that and that would be the end of the marriage.

I say for your marriages sake...push DH on this. Yes...you will be helping the little shit in a round about way, but it is a win win for you.

Yep...DH said the same thing...but I know if push came to shove...he would not push the little bird out of the nest. Oh DH would have said all the right things like...just give it a few months til SS gets his crap together and things like that. But we all know it would have turned into a long mess.

That is why I stayed on DH for several months to stay on SS about his grades. And it worked!

EDIT TO ADD... Push your DH...NOT your SS. You know how that would turn out.

He made a 30 on his ACT!?! Dang that is good. Is he planning on taking it again? He could get full scholarships at a lot of colleges with a grade like that. From my experiences in the real world a lot of people with high book smarts just don't have a lot of common sense, now I'm not saying all of them but a lot of them. He can probably work a math problem a mile long but needs help tying his shoes (or closing doors). I would push him to get into college, I would help him with applications, all that stuff, just to get him out of my house. It would probably be less stressful for you to just help him than push your DH to do it.

I have one more year of SD being at my house too before college. I haven't offered to help with any of her applications because her mother has a PHD so you know she knows everything and is so brilliant and all, they don't need my help. (eyeroll). I know that SD will go to college, my worry is that she will end up back at my house after college.

Here's what I did for DH last year when SS18 was a senior in HS:

I looked up all the open house, tuition and application deadlines for the the colleges SS18 said he was interested in. I threw in the local tech college and state university in our town. I also found the US News and World Reports profile/review for each one.

I created a list for DH. DH provided the list to SS18 - and they reviewed it together.

I know it sounds like a lot of work but it only took me a few hours to do.

DH and I took SS18 to couple open houses. In the end chose the expensive private university in our town (the one BM had her heart set on).

~BettyRay

It is great that he has expressed an interest in college, but my firm belief is that college is for the child and not the parent so the child has to do the major leg work. They no longer HAVE to be in education and if they are forced or shepherded into a college or particular course that they have no real interest in or are not ready for, more than likely they will just blow any loan money and drop out within the first 18 months.

HE has to want this, He has to do the research the essay writing, the applications. Yes he should be supported and encouraged, given advice when it is asked for and gently reminded of important deadlines. But doing all of the leg work is first inhibiting the child from taking a real stake and active choice in his future and secondly it is more likely to be a costly mistake when loans are blown on exploring new found freedoms, classes are missed and exams flunked. Better to encourage(force) him to get a minimum wage job and move out when high school is out and let him find the motivation in a couple of years to improve himself when he gets bored of it to improve his situation by pursuing a better career either by going to college (when he will be more mature and better suited to it) or by other means (as he realizes that not all goals have to be reached through college).

So, no I wouldn't be there doing all the leg work, the research and locking him in the bedroom until his applications are submitted. I would encourage your husband to take an active and supporting interest in his son's choices and progress towards them but he shouldn't be pushing too hard one way or the other. This is the first major decision that ASS has to make for himself and his future and one that he has to do for himself.

Put your efforts into researching nearby shelters. Document your findings and share with your DH and ASS.

Tell ASS he can either have a ride to college or to a shelter. His choice.

I know ASS doesn't deserve anything from you but if it was me I'd get behind this project and push like my life dependent on it. Anything to get him out of your house, even if it is just in term time, is worth it!

You deserve some peace and quiet and mental space. If I had to take over the college application process to ensure my sanity, I'd do it.

Also if you are the "puppetmaster" controlling the process you can make sure all the "puppets" (AKA DH and ASS) perform as expected; no co-signing loans, going to a school with a scholarship, etc

One final thought - ASS may just grow up a tiny bit if he has to share a room at school. Peer pressure at his age can be useful. My YSS19 has just moved into a flat with people his own age and is behaving much better with them than he ever did with my DH and me.