New here but need to vent.
I am a mother of a 3 year old boy and I am engaged to a man who is a father of a 10 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. We are currently pregnant with out first child together and are extremely excited.
I've just been having some trouble with his children lately and im not sure what to do...He only has his children every week for a few days so he spoils them beyond belief. his daughter is a daddy's girl to the MAX. If he has to shower to go to the bathroom she will wait outside the bathroom door until he is done, if he tries to hug and kiss me or cuddle she pushes me out of the way and tells him to hug her.. if we nicely ask her to walk away and play just so she understands that adults are allowed to hug, she will start throwing a fit until he has t go calm her down...
I keep telling him that is her trying to manipulate him so she will get what she wants and when she starts crying he feels bad and goes to hug and kiss on her and then she instantly stops.
He thinks i'm being mean because I tell him that she is being manipulative, but children are so smart then know exactly what to do to get what they want and how to pull on parents little heart strings but he doesn't think is capable..
My fiancée is unable to show my son any type of love or emotion of she will find a way to have all the attention on her.
And with his 10 year old....
His poor excuse of a mother dropped him off with a freaking cell phone.. this kid is already OBSESSED with video games and his ipad and we have a heard enough time setting a schedule for him with those and now add a cell phone. My fiancée told his son only one electronic at a time but he doesn't listen to him and does what he wants and my fiancée lets him because his son is so mean when hes mad.
When i tell him no to something he will laugh at me and ask his dad and his dad will give it to him not knowing i said no.. then he will come in a rub it in my face that his dad said yes.
Should I back off from trying to be a parent to them and let him do whatever he wants with his kids or should I talk to my fiancée?
- ang.'s blog
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Comments
Why are you having a baby
Why are you having a baby with such a shitty excuse for a father? Poor kid.
Talk to your fiancee. Tell
Talk to your fiancee. Tell him for your marriage to work you both have to be on the same page. Tell him you both need a parenting class and should take it together. And don't have any more babies until you get this relationship on solid ground.
Trust us stepparents here. Those 2 kids he's already got will drive you completely out of your mind. One day you won't be able to take it any more. This website has post after post of long time members announcing they can't take it any more and moving out/filing for divorce. This will definitely be you if you can't get the co-parenting thing down together. Your man is very misguided about children but you are also pretty ineffective. So be sincere when you tell him you BOTH need instruction. It will be worth it.
Your fiance is not the man
Your fiance is not the man for you. Sorry. But it is true.
You are wanting to live with a man who has a totally opposite manner of parenting to you. In fact I think you are like 2 bookends for a 26 volume book collection!
The options are therapy/ counselling to get this ironed out before the new baby arrives. Because he will shower much more on his first 2 kids because they will be missing out on a lot more 'family time' when your shared child and DS are there all the time.
The other option is he sees the kids away from the home. He takes them off to a hotel every weekend and spends all his time with them. Then when he returns them to their mother he can come back.
Or you move out and live with your 2 children and he can visit YOU when he doesn't have his children. HE cannot force you to love them. They have a mother. BUT ... he can enforce good manners and unselfish behaviour. I just wonder how old the 2 of you are.
Right now his children come first and you are second. Probably because you are supposed to suck it up because you are the 'adult'. Either fix it or get used to it. But your aggravation and sadness will grow and your love for this man will fade if the situation is not changed soon.
I worry about the emotional
I worry about the emotional intelligence of a woman who is "excited" to be having a child with a man who can't figure out when a toddler is having a tantrum.
Holy jesus.