Being a SM making me Bitter
I'm stressed out all the time, I don't feel like this is MY life. I am 28 and am married to a man with 3 children from 16 - 9. IM EXHAUSTED.
At first the idea seemed fine....oh how naïve of me. He isn't a very active parent - they talk back, have no chores and are super entitled and cocky. Only good thing is that the oldest hasn't been coming around since April 
- due to custody battle. But lately she has been stopping by to ask her dad for things ($$)and I am already dreading when she will come back to visit.
I have no want to try to forgive his kids for times they have hurt or been rude to me. Maybe that makes me childish but I don't care. I am tired of caring about everyone else and walking on egg shells. I told DH that I don't like his oldest and that his son is getting annoying too. It may not be the nicest thing but its the truth. My house doesn't feel like a home, this is not my family.
I'm tired of going to work to support these kids who cant even load the dishwasher or clean their room. I'm tired of picking up after all these people after getting off work.
I guess I could tolerate his kids more if we had a better marriage. But we can not communicate effectively, we don't trust each other, I feel he is controlling and on top of that we are dealing with fertility issues due to him having a vasectomy. We had it reversed but his count is still low, he doesn't take his vitamins the way he should plus he smokes and drinks excessively. All this I am sure is adding to me being depressed and bitter. I miss being a happy person without all this
stress.
I don't have anything of my own to make me happy, well except my puppy thank goodness I have him. But I have lost my friends, he questions me when i go to the gym, cant have facebook, he sends his daughter with me everywhere, talks crap about all my family and friends. He thinks me going to visit my moms grave is me going out.
Don't know the point of this, just venting..... I don't think I can do this anymore. I want a life of my own. ( don't mind my pity party )Ugh... this sounds so pathetic. lol time to make some chages
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Comments
You are in a exceptionally
You are in a exceptionally unhealthy relationship. Your problem is not the step kids. Your problem is the controlling man in your life that you need to get away from.
Yah.. the post started one
Yah.. the post started one place and ended up somewhere else.
I know the problem isn't the kids but it sure doesn't help. I think the older they get the harder it is for me to deal with not having my own yet. Came into this at 24 but as I am pushing 30 I am reevaluating if this is truly the life I want. And the answer is NO...not at all. I do care about him but we as a pair isn't beneficial to either of us.
I agree! Do NOT make a baby
I agree! Do NOT make a baby with this lazy drunk! There are entirely too many decent men out there to deal with one like that!
I don't think I'd even bother putting more effort into fixing things--he probably won't make any effort on his end, and you have wasted enough time. Make a plan, and get the heck out.
Yes, please make some changes
Yes, please make some changes and for the love of God, do not get pregnant.
You are seeing who this man really is; what kind of partner he is and what kind of a parent he is. So now you have to decide what you really want and it doesn't sound like this is it.
You sound tired and
You sound tired and miserable. Maybe you should try to break away for a week or two and see if being away from his looming self is the reason you feel so worn down. It sounds like you need new boundaries with him: your money doesn't go towards the kids unless you volunteer, you can out once a week and your mothers grave doesn't count and other little stuff like going to get a massage to help with stress. I'm sorry yall are struggling to have children but it sounds like he has some changes to make before a newborn adds to the equation. My 3 month keeps me stressed enough so I can't imagine dealing with more family issues (over drinking) on top of that.
Thank you. Hopefully you are
Thank you. Hopefully you are right and having somewhere to talk about this will help put my life in perspective and I can take some steps to a better life.
WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU TRYING
WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE A CHILD IF YOU ARE ALREADY MISERABLE WITH THIS DOUCHE???? Don't you realize adding a child will make ALL of it WORSE, not better??????
we are not currently
we are not currently trying.
I have tried to address this issue with him but as always its not a big deal to him. If I already don't have help around the house it would be unbearable with a newborn. Not to mention his parenting style and unhealthy lifestyle, I lost my mom way to soon and would never want my child to suffer the same loss.
Your DH is controlling and
Your DH is controlling and trying to isolate you.
Don't get pregnant, get an exit plan immediately and leave. You deserve better. This is only going to get much worse.
The bad news is that this is
The bad news is that this is NOT going to get better. You know this in your heart. Hopefully you just came here to get the validation you need to leave the relationship once and for all.
The good news is that you are still young enough to start a family with someone else. If you leave now you still have plenty of time. If you let him string you along for years, you will be left with nothing but regrets. Cut your losses now. Don't cheat yourself - and don't let him cheat you - into wasting any more of your life. Remember you have only one life and you can't spend it living someone else s.
As a SM who has a 1.5 year
As a SM who has a 1.5 year old with her DH, I can tell you right now that any annoyances you have with your skids currently will seem 10 times worse if you have a baby. I have a good marriage with my husband, and my annoyances with my SS are minimal, but something about having your own bio child makes certain things seem a lot worse. The fact that my husband is involved and supportive and is aware of SS's less than desirable characteristics makes things manageable for me.
If you want to have children of your own, I would suggest that you strongly consider an exit plan.