Hi all
I am relatively new to this business, I have never had children as I never thought I would be any good at it. At 54 I remarried and my wife has two boys 11 & 13. Dad is close by and is a genuinely nice guy, we all get along well. I am running into what all of you have surely run into, what exactly am I supposed to be doing. I started off by being a full participant, pretending that the kids were like my kids...that didn't go so well. I assumed that my parenting thoughts were correct but soon realized that this is a much more complicated situation than I had imagined. What I think is right or wrong is not necessarily what Mom thinks is right or wrong. After a few times of being told I was being too harsh I have backed way off.

The root of my frustration is that I am caught in the trap all of us are...if we express an opinion on the kids behavior, we are judging the parenting skills of the parents. My grossest example (literally) with the boys are their table manners; they have none. They start eating before everybody has sat down, chew with their mouths open, talk with their mouths full, eat with their hands and on several occasions have bitten food directly off the plate. When I tell them more than once to chew with their mouths close or use their fork I have been told to stop so that I don't make dinner time a nightmare for the kids. I get that divorced parents don't want the limited time they have with their kids to be tense but when will they ever learn anything if it is not taught to them at home.

We also have the situation where no demand is denied, I saw the blog with skids nicknames, mine are "I want" and "More". They not only want their crap but they want it immediately, when they get something from amazon that is not good enough, it has to be expedited shipping.

I get the problem and it is not the kids, they know nothing different. this is the treatment that they have become accustom to. the problem is the parents. Here is the
problem that I am sure we all have. Her biggest fear is that I am judging her and the reality is that I am. I have to somehow find the balance where I am not biting my tongue all the time and I am not correcting every single behavior that I disagree with. I also need to find a way to tell my wife that the corrections need to come from her at least part of the time. I always sit in amazement that the parents put up with this stuff. I know my wife very much wants my help, at least that is what she says but she does not always back me up when I step in.

I am sure I could go through a hundred of the existing rants and read exactly what I just wrote but it feels good to get it out there

Thanks