And Helloooo CPS
Just got back from the ER. SD5 came home from BMs house this weekend with a pretty nasty bruise on her temple. When DH asked her what happened she said BM hit her. SD's full version of the story is they were in the car driving to meet DH and SD says she was being mean to BM and asking for food and BM pulled the car to the side of the road, reached back and slapped her across the face.
DH asked me what he was supposed to do and I said in order to do anything at all we need to take her to the hospital to be evaluated so we took her in, SD told the same story to both the nurse and the doctor and they filled out a report to give CPS. We are meeting with a CPS worker tomorrow and we will go from there.
SD is supposed to leave on Sunday for 3 full weeks with her mother. I wonder if that will still happen or not.
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Yes, we will be discussing
Yes, we will be discussing our options with the CPS worker tomorrow and he is going to call the FOC caseworker first thing Tuesday morning.
I have often wondered if SD
I have often wondered if SD is getting enough to eat when she is with BM as she seems to stuff herself full here but we have no evidence of this.
She is an attention seeker. However, what struck both of us is that her story never changed. Normally, when she is attention seeking, her story will change but this time it stayed the same and we tried very hard not to ask leading questions or to coach her in any way.
The only time we have had concerns of physical abuse (negligence and just plain shitty parenting is another story) was about 2 years ago. SD came home with a small bruise on her arm, looked like a thumbprint, and BM said that the bruise was from SD falling on the side walk. There was no scrape at all, it was just a bruise, and it was summer time out so SD presumably would have been wearing short sleeves. When we asked about it she said BM's boyfriend did it but we couldn't get a straight story from her (she was not even 3 1/2 at the time) so we didn't pursue it further.
DH commented that he was
DH commented that he was worried that this was opening a can of worms. I am too really. We took her to the hospital rather than calling the police because it's not like she has a broken nose or something obvious. We didn't want to start something when something didn't need to be started but she has a pretty serious bruise, a black eye really, and she is saying her mom hit her.
I'm not really sure what else we could have done.
I'm confused what you mean
I'm confused what you mean "if SD was really being abused." If you are saying maybe she got the injury some other way then ok. But the kid sounds pretty consistent in her account. And if she's telling the truth, which I believe she is, then this definitely constitutes abuse.
As for BM reigning down terror - OP DH needs an emergency custody order ASAP. The child should not go back to BM.
I'm not sure if you are
I'm not sure if you are referring to me in the first part or not. We weren't for certain if her injury was one that was definitely done by abuse. For example, we have seen her go running full tilt through the house while looking behind her and run her head right into the door jamb. It is possible that something like this could have caused the bruise she has but she is saying BM hit her.
The bruise is located right at the outside corner of her eye. Almost wrapped around the corner so it is both above and below her eye.
Given that she said BM hit her, and it evidently was hard enough to leave a bruise, we felt it wise to get it checked out. The pediatrician won't do evaluations of that nature (we asked before and frankly, I think he is a moron anyway) so it was either ignore it or take her to the ER so that is what we did.
No I wasnt, i was referring
No I wasnt, i was referring to meangirls post that maybe it wasn't abuse. I read it to mean she was saying that the slap may not have been abuse. But perhaps she was suggesting, as you are, that SD could have come by the injury a different way.
Regardless I was trying to make the point that hitting a five year old in the head hard enough to produce a black eye is abuse. Even if this is the first time it happened. She could have dislocated the kids retina, or worse.
But the story you tell makes me doubt it is the first time. Your SD eating ravenously at your house, the previous thumb print, these are all very troubling. But you absolutely did the right thing taking her to ER. Even if CPS fails in removing her from BM home this time you have provided a trail of evidence. And God forbid she comes back with another injury you should do the same thing again,
Oh ok, I understand now. And
Oh ok, I understand now.
And yes, it is very troubling.
Compared to stories you hear on the news this is pretty mild. However, this incident, combined with the neglect and sheer instability in BM's life may be enough to reduce visitation or get supervised visitation up here.
The whole thing sucks because SD loves her mom and I feel she needs a relationship with her but damn, we can't have this either.
ETA: It was a little hard to decide what to do also because the kids is a bruiser. I mean she always has bruises, especially on her shins which I can't really figure out. The kid just plays rough. So at first I thought oh, ok, she ran into something again. That is not unusual. But it is VERY unusual for her to say her mom hit her. Especially given her story didn't change it was very disturbing to us.
My youngest can be pretty
My youngest can be pretty damn annoying. He doesn't get smacked upside the damn head. Any parent who goes for a head strike is a POS in my damn book. You and DH did good. Shots to the head cause damage, whether it be physical or mental.
Certainly not hard enough to
Certainly not hard enough to leave a bruise at any rate. And as far as we know this was not a case where SD was trying to climb in the front by grabbing onto the wheel.
She was asking for food, probably loudly, but as far as we know at this point that is all it was.
I am a mandated reporter and
I am a mandated reporter and you did absolutely the right thing. you are talking about a five year old. With a black eye. There's no amount of annoying that would justify that. You did the right thing by involving CPS.
Even if you are ok with spanking, leaving marks/welts/bruises is the definition of going too far. Let's put it this way, if your BM was an nfl player and Sd was the fiancé we'd have Ray rice. And that was a grown woman. Your sd is five.
When the doctor came in and
When the doctor came in and was asking her what happened we were in the room and at one point she turned around to look at DH. I didn't want it to look like we were coaching her or that she was going to get in trouble for saying the wrong thing so I quickly piped up and asked her if she wanted us to leave the room so she could talk to the doctor in private and she said yes. I told her before we left that she wasn't in trouble, and that nothing bad was going to happen so just tell the truth and everything will be ok.
We left the room and stood outside the door in the hall. The door was open but a curtain was pulled so I am pretty sure she didn't know we could hear some of what she said. It was heartbreaking to hear her say that her mom stopped the car and reached back and slapped her because she was being mean to BM and asking for food.
Well the CPS worker has been
Well the CPS worker has been here and gone.
He said after talking with the doctor at the hospital, us, and SD, he is pretty sure a case will be opened against BM.
He has plans to call her tomorrow.
I do not envy the scream call DH is going to get tomorrow.
I do not envy the scream your
I do not envy the scream your SD5 is going to get. What did CPS say about petitioning for emergency custody?
Of course a case is being opened against BM. You don't give a five year old a black eye in the course of normal discipline.
I asked DH if he was
I asked DH if he was concerned about that and the CPS worker said they tend to find that when people know there are eyes on them the situation generally doesn't escalate. We will see how she responds when she gets the call from the investigator tomorrow.
And the CPS worker said from what he is seeing it isn't grounds to discontinue visitations but we will see what the investigation turns up.
The bruise is along the edge
The bruise is along the edge of her eye and sort of wraps around the top and bottom of the outside corner of her eye. It's hard to describe. I'm sorry you feel that I am changing my story.
Regardless, SD has some special needs and can be a handful. We do know BM spanks and have never said anything about it. There is a huge difference between open handed swats on the bottom and leaving bruises on her face.
And whether you agree or disagree, that does constitute abusive behavior where we live.
Yeah sorry, I actually DO
Yeah sorry, I actually DO know what I'm talking about. I'm a mandated reporter and need to take a once yearly course on signs of abuse and what constitutes abuse. This definitely fits the criteria. If you chose to disagree with the established definition of child abuse that's on you, but please don't act like this is some sort of gray zone.
I am all for people being able to spank their kids and I agree for some kids that is the only way to get through to them, but this crosses a line. I am honestly shocked by the number of people who think this is ok.
ETA: this response is to previous comment, not you movingon - I agree with everything you wrote!
It very well may have
It very well may have happened like that. Regardless of how it happened, the fact that she hit her hard enough to leave a bruise on her face is not ok.
We have wondered before how rough BM is with her but other than the bruise 2 years ago there hasn't been any reason to suspect abuse.
SD would say things like Mommy spanked my butt or things like that and frankly, with the behavior she sometimes exhibits, it's not out of line to swat her a few times. However, there is a difference between a swat on the tush (or 3) and leaving a bruise on her face.
My Mom had a wicked backhand
My Mom had a wicked backhand that had some type of magic sensor that could find my face in the back seat. I got walloped many a time as a kid. I deserved every one, and I turned out just fine.
I edge on feeling like you are over reacting. Twice in two years with an iffy background on a kid you admit bruises easily does not a pattern make. But... the die is cast.....
No, two bruises in two years
No, two bruises in two years does not make an abusive patterns. Lying about how the first bruise occurred is suspicious.
I did not say she bruises easily. I said she is always covered in bruises because she is always running into things.
We took her to be looked at because we didn't know what to do. We didn't know if that constituted abuse or what. Apparently, in our state, leaving marks like that is considered abuse and since she was saying BM did it the hospital reported it.