These are the following terms I will enter your life and remain with you till death.

1: I am your partner/ wife/ significant other. I am the pivotal person in your life. I come before your children's mother/s, your parents, your children/ your siblings. The only exemption is for parents and children.. a life threatening situation where your child/ren or parents may suffer death or grievous injury without your immediate attendance. This includes your son being left behind by the school bus driver because she was drunk or your daughter is at a sleepover and has her friends older brother and his friends there as well and she is feeling uncomfortable. Hey, I am right there with faking a family emergency to save face. This does not include eternal dance recitals and baseball games. Nor does it include rescuing your child/ren from their mothers house because she is being 'mean'. It will cover helping out your parents with car ridew for medical treatment but not for breakfasts at Dennys for 'just family'. It never includes your ex wife. If you will put your children, parents and ex wife continually before me then I am not the person for you.

2: I will not support any additional money spent on your children over and above Child Support unless you have discussed this first with me. I am not a mean person. I am open to buying treats or items like underwear and socks. But I will not support or live with anyone who has to make up for the dissolution of his marriage/relationship by continually pandering to children's wants. Children are greedy little people. No, your daughter does not need another $150 purse. No, your son does not need the latest and greatest video game just because. If these are your priorities I am not the person for you

3: I do not allow children to stay up all night and sleep all day. No, this is not permissible unless they have a part time job working the 3rd shift. Not many 13 yr olds do. Nor do I allow them to crash on the couch when they have a bedroom. Showering daily is necessary for good body health. Nor do i believe a child gets given a car. They work for it. If they write it off they do not get funded for another one. If you do not agree that keeping yourself clean and adequately rested and taking care of your own business then I am not the person for you.

4: I expect common courtesy and civility. Good manners get you a long way in life and if you feel your children do not need to treat me with the very least, courtesy and respect then we will have problems. If your children decide to hate me we are unable to have a live-in relationship. I will not subject myself to a lifetime of being ignored, sneered at and name calling and general disrespect. I am a nice person. If your children choose to be rude and you do not address this at every turn then I am not the person for you.

5: I understand from time to time things will need to be addressed with your ex. You share children, I get it. However if she/he chooses to go on vacation and tells you to make changes to your plans to accommodate her or she tells you to change weekends because her cousins great aunts uncle is coming to town and there is a family breakfast at Village Inn so it is imperative you swap weekends we will have problems. I will read your Custody order and will point out when she is being unreasonable. If weekend changes are periodic and she/he is willing to reciprocate willingly then I do not have a problem. However if we make plans and you make a unilateral decision to change weekends you will be taking care of your children alone. Nor will I babysit voluntarily without consultation. If you are working and I am at home, do not assume I will be available to watch your children because it is your weekend. Be polite and respectful and ASK if I mind. If your children are delightful and polite I am probably going to say yes. If they are sullen and rude, guess again.

I am not discussing food options (although everyone can have one dislike that is permanent and not interchangeable ... like beans or cheese or milk) because by now you will realise I do not abide rudeness or bad manners. And no hats at the dinner table.

In return I am on Team*insert partners name*. I am in your corner and your advocate. I will not question why you married and or had children with such a cold fish/ control freak/ troll/ drug addled moron because you did and one can only hope you learned a lesson from that experience. I am your Queen, the other ruler in your kingdom. If you choose to continue down this path you will have a wonderful loving partner who asks for little and gives much in return. If you choose to put your failures ahead of a future success story and wallow in your guilt and pain and general crappiness then I am not the person for you.