Spring Break and "The Choice"
So spring break is coming up and my Dad is offering up his place in FLA for us. We’ve gone twice before and we had a great time. Both times it was without SS because SS is with his father on Spring Break.
The previous times SS begged and pleaded with Donkeykong to let him come with us and both times Donkeykong said no. DW was disappointed (me, not so much) but there is nothing we can do as it is his Dad’s custody time.
So my Dad asked us if we would like to go again and DW immediately fired off an email to Donkeykong asking his permission to bring SS with us.
Donkeykong texted this reply:
“I asked SS about this. I wanted to give him the choice this year of who he wants to be with on Spring Break. After careful consideration, SS has decided that he wants to stay with me.”
DW is floored. She could not believe it!
I can.
Especially after my little “speech” last week about yanking any and all privileges when his next report card comes in with failures. Spring Break is the week after the report card comes in and the parent-teacher interviews.
“Think about it DW.” I said. “If you are a teenage boy with a choice of staying with one parent who is going to be yanking all his privileges VS staying with a parent who will let him stay up until the crack of dawn binging on video games, who do you think you are going to stay with?”
“I don’t get it.” Was all DW responded. “Why would SS choose to stay with his dick-headed father who has prevented him in previous years and now that SS is given the choice he’ll go with his father!?”
“You’re projecting yourself again.”
“I think Donkeykong is lying!”
“DW…I find it HILLARIOUS that you think your ex is lying to you about this, when really what is happening is SS protecting his electronic precious.”
“I’m going to talk to SS about this when he comes back home on Sunday night.”
“DW, are you even listening to me?”
DW is soooo bent out of shape over this. She just cannot believe that her adoring son – if given the choice - would want to spend time with his father than with her. Even now, as a I write this, DW is hoping SS will change his mind.
Then this morning, as we are getting ready for work, SS asks, “Uh…Mom. Over Spring Break can I bring the PS3 to Dad’s?”
Yes, we’ve reached DEFCON 3 folks….
And I'm doing the freakin' dance of joy!
Shall...we...play....a...game?
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Comments
HA! Your SS is so
HA! Your SS is so predictable. To bad your DW is blind to his ways.
I don't think it is PAS
I don't think it is PAS necessarily, but I did bring the subject up to DW. I told her that she should not try to "sell" this trip to SS and try to convince him to change his mind nor should she try to play the "guilt-trip" card.
It is not helping that she is
It is not helping that she is bitching about this to anyone and everyone who will listen. She even bitched about this to her neighbor (who is also a step-mom). Neighbor says "Yeah, I remember one year we planned a trip to the Bahamas and we gave my step-daughter the choice. Stepdaughter decided she wanted to stay with BM because her BM lets my SD bring her boyfriends sleep over whereas I don't. This was 8 years ago. Now SD regrets it and wishes she went with us instead."
>P.S. I wonder if SM neighbor
>P.S. I wonder if SM neighbor conveniently left out the part about how she was glad she didn't have to deal with SD while she was at BMs<
The dynamic in my neighbor's family is a little different. Stepmom actualy cares MORE for her SD kid than the father (the BF) does. Father stopped caring years ago when the PAS got into high gear. I guess he realized he couldn't fight it so he just let it go. Flash-forward several years later now that this girl is now an adult and things are a little different. Daughter now regrets a lot of the choices she made and I see her paying visits more often.
>LET IT GO, DW!!! If you're going to worry about something, worry about your son's grades<
Consider this stolen.
My response would have been
My response would have been simple: "No, the PS3 stays here."
~BettyRay
You cannot say that! 'cuz I
You cannot say that!
'cuz I was going to say that!
What DID she say to the PS3
What DID she say to the PS3 question??
"We'll see..." (Which is
"We'll see..."
(Which is DW-speak for, "Ask me later when Drac0 isn't around.")
Yes! "We'll see..." also
Yes! "We'll see..." also means that!
"I really should be saying 'No' but I don't want to hurt your precious fee fees or *gasp* have you hate me for all of 10 minutes."
You know, you could make this
You know, you could make this work for you. Point out to DW that since SS is staying at DK's house for the electronics, if he can't bring the PS3 maybe he'd change his mind. }:) At least then you'll get her to say 'no' with conviction.
"He doesn't study, he thinks
"He doesn't study, he thinks the sun rises in the south and he questions the realism of cartoons. I swear, it's like living with a zombie with no initiative."
LOVE THIS!!! I totally snorted coffee thru my nose when I read it.
Sad but true. Sorry about
Sad but true.
Sorry about your coffee....
I don't think she's trying to
I don't think she's trying to PAS. Florida is a fun place for families. I think she just wants to have that experience with her son before he is too old. I feel bad for her
It doesn't sound like she has
It doesn't sound like she has a choice here. Her husband is getting his dad's place during a certain time. Life really isn't just black and white, especially when it comes to emotions.
She didn't allow the child to
She didn't allow the child to decide for himself. She called his father and his father let him decide. I do believe in PAS however, just like PMS, it isn't as rampant as it is made out to be. There is no one size fits all.
I wish you all could have
I wish you all could have overheard the conversation I had with DW at lunch time.
Word for word:
"I am doing a lot of 'firsts' with BS and BD that I am not doing with SS and am probably never going to do with SS".
So it is not PAS so much as DW feeling guilty. Unfortunately, these are emotions that only DW and DW alone can deal with. She, like many parents, have NO CHOICE but deal with these feelings. It sucks, but it happens.
My niece took her first steps when my SIL was away on a business trip. When she heard, she was heart-broken. She really wanted to be there, but her obligations to her job made it an impossibility.
Honestly, I do not know why some parents get so hung up on being there for these "firsts". Yes, I understand they are important milestones in a child's life, but the child is quite likely not going to remember. It is better to be there when the child really wants you there and asks for you to be there so that you can see your kid sing in that play, or at the sports meet so you can cheer for him in the stands. These are the things the child will remember...
Rutherford,I know EXACTLY
Rutherford,I know EXACTLY what you mean about what your DH went through. Heck, I see it every day when I drop off little BD at the daycare.
Some parents are cool, and chat with their kids and send them off on their merry way in under a minute. Others will hang around a little, not caring that they are running late, just to hang-out with their little ones for those extra 5 minutes (I consider myself to be in this group)
And then there are those who clutch and hug and kiss their kids and say "Oh Baby! I'm gonna miss youuuuuuuuu!"....as if the child is being shipped off to Abu Dhabi for six years.
Some parents just have a hard time being away from their child for even a short period of time.
>I wonder if some of it too is "I want new experiences with ALL of my children, not just one or two of them."<
Yes, there is some of that in play too
I agree with you, Drac0,
I agree with you, Drac0, about the "firsts". I went back to work early and my husband took the last three months of my maternity leave. He saw our DD do a few "firsts" that I missed out on, but I don't mind. If I had still been at home, he would've missed them. I got to see them when she did them for a second time and it was still exciting for me.