Do you let skids change diapers?
I gave birth to DD last week and like most people, I am enjoying this time of my life and am amazed as to the love that I feel for my little girl. No matter what happens in life, she is something I will never regret. That said, when we got home, I allowed the boys to hold her under my supervision on the first day. The second day home, SS9 without permission picks up DD. I spoke to SO and told him that I allowed the boys to hold her day 1 home so that they don't feel alienated, but I am not okay with them just grabbing her whenever they want to. They are not allowed to pick her up unless they ask us first. SO gives me a look as if to say I'm overreacting and says "All we have to do is let him know and if he does it again then we'll just tell him we don't want him to pick her up as often". I'm like, "No, not "as often", I don't want them picking her up at all". He then leaves the room. I don't know if it was hormones or what but at that moment I felt so angry but did not say anything to him.
I feel as if I'm a mama bear watching everything the boys do with my DD. I do not allow them to kiss her in the face, or be in her space to where they are breathing the same air, or touch the soft spot on her head, or touch her without washing their hands. But of course they try to do it anyway. SO also bought a humidifier for DD and now all of a sudden both boys are acting like they need one also. I'm sure its common in families where a new baby is born and it's not a big deal to most people but it makes me feel like I have to be hypervigilant over her.
In any case, SS15 tells me today, "You know I don't have experience changing diapers. I only changed SS4's diaper when he visited here before a couple of times."
Now before I tell you all how I responded, what do you think of that? Would you allow an SS to change the diaper of your DD?
Thanks for your responses.
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Comments
Congrats! When did you give
Congrats! When did you give birth? I had my little boy last week too, on 1/13. It's heaven, isn't it??
Is this your first child? I find I'm a little more laid back now that this is my third as compared to how I was with my first. That said, I would be pissed if anyone went and picked up my newborn without my permission. The only person who can do that is my DH.
I would think a 15 year old would be ok to change a diaper, but it really depends on you. It's your baby, so you can feel ok with saying no to anybody touching her. It depends on your relationship, and how you feel. Once she gets a little bigger, you may relax. Or not. It doesn't matter.
My 3 year old tries to help feed the newborn. I let him try, but I don't let anyone near the baby without me being right there.
However you feel is really acceptable. If you don't want your stepsons near her, just be honest and say you're a new mom, and don't want anyone near her just yet. Let DH deal with their complaints.
This. My problem has become,
This.
My problem has become, because SO thinks is MSH can do no wrong...she picks up my poor little 1yr old and walks around with him like he's her baby doll. She can barely keep HERSELF on two feet. It's a point of stress between us, but I refuse to budge.
Just my 2 cents, none of the
Just my 2 cents, none of the kids (bio or skids) need to be picking up and carrying around a brand new just born baby. if you want to sit and supervise a short time of the kids (again, bio or skids) while they gently hold the baby, fine. I use to put a bed pillow on their laps and put the baby on that so they actually weren't trying to figure out how to handle a very tiny baby.
I don't think your question is so much 'should the skids' but rather instead should children be just picking up, carrying and or changing babies that are mere days old.
I have 5 younger half
I have 5 younger half siblings, both brothers and sisters (I'm 29, the age difference between me and my sibs ranges from 7 years to 19 years) so I changed A LOT of diapers when I was younger and visited my dad's house. Starting probably when I was maybe 8 or 9. My dad and stepmom kinda just churned out babies so I think they were just happy to not have to do it.
Personally, however, I wouldn't feel comfortable having anyone, regardless of age, pick up my newborn without permission. Likewise, I'd probably wait a month or so before letting an skid change a diaper.
First, congratulations!! I
First, congratulations!!
I don't think it's a good idea for the baby to be handled by anyone except mom, dad and maybe (big maybe) the grandparents. I also hate when I see new parents out in public with their brand new, fresh off the presses, still has the new baby smell, baby. I think all of the stimulation, germs, smells, noises, etc. are bad for newborns.
It's one thing to let people hold the baby for a few minutes but it's new to this world and needs to adjust. Your H should be made to understand you'd feel this way about any kid, not just the skids.
Regarding your SS15, it sounds like his way of saying "Please don't make me change diapers."
Whatever you said to him was probably fine. I would have told him "No worries, I don't plan on putting you on diaper duty. At least not until DD is eating solids. Then I'll use diaper duty as a way to ensure you always wear condoms and NEVER knock up anyone until you're married and planning a family."
On a side note, I know my personality and I'd probably be a Mama Bear if I had bios. I would be reluctant to have anyone but me touch the baby (including H :)). Even more reluctant to allow any kids to touch it as well.
Regarding your SS15, it
Regarding your SS15, it sounds like his way of saying "Please don't make me change diapers."
Whatever you said to him was probably fine. I would have told him "No worries, I don't plan on putting you on diaper duty. At least not until DD is eating solids. Then I'll use diaper duty as a way to ensure you always wear condoms and NEVER knock up anyone until you're married and planning a family."
That's what I was thinking - it sounded to me like he was getting in early with the "I don't know how" BEFORE you asked him LOL
I wouldn't have a problem with him doing it, but there is a big DEPENDS on the kid as well though, only you can judge that.
As far as the 9yo picking up your baby - oh HELL NO! I don't care whose kid it is just NO. As someone else said - your OH would have been the same when he had his first newborn but he'll never admit it. He needs to get over himself - remind him that this is YOUR first baby and you are going to be protective and careful with ANYONE just grabbing her. (Mind you - I was still that way with the 4th - it's normal - she's a newborn FFS)
As a matter of preference, I
As a matter of preference, I didn't allow it. For me it was about my lack of trust for the skids. They had a history of harming smaller children. I didn't allow any of them to actively hold my older son (4) and the younger one it wasn't allowed until he was almost a year old and it was short-lived. They were banned again in under a month for the most part (now he's just too big at 2. They were allowed to sit in the chair and hold him if I was right there and had given consent, but otherwise, no)
I let my 4 year old change diapers for the baby when he was calm and I was right there, but rarely. I just feel it isn't their responsibility.
They were welcome to watch and learn for future reference, though. I showed them how on a doll, they practiced on that. They have cousins at BM's that they change and hold whenever they want. But sound judgement has never been BM's forte. This is the broad that allowed a 5 year old to haul a newborn baby out of her playpen by her head whenever she wanted like she was a doll.
SORRY...not a new born She is
SORRY...not a new born She is only a week old. She does not need to be handled like a new kitten.
Nope. No way would my SS6 be
Nope. No way would my SS6 be touching my newborn. Of course that's all theoretical for me, since we've been trying for over a year with only an early miscarriage to show for it. But if I ever do have my own child, there's no way the skid would be touching him or her, especially if my child was brand spanking new. Not even if Skidly could keep his hands out of his nose or butt crack. There's not enough soap in the universe to make that okay.
Not to harp on gender roles, but why would a teenage boy want to change a diaper?
Theres a 12 year age gap
Theres a 12 year age gap between me and my half brother. When he was new born I was only allowed to hold him if I was sitting on the sofa and he was put into my arms. I wasn't allowed to feed him until he was a little older, I dont remember any nappy changing.
End of the day its your choice, doesnt matter whether the child is 5 or 15, they are still a sibling to the new baby, not a parent. Its the parents job to care for the baby and to allow the siblings to bond how they wish them to.