My future....scary to think about it
It has been years since I've been on here as I felt I needed to step away. But now I feel that I have NO where to turn. My DH have been together for 7.5 years now and also now have a DS2 who is my world. I am a stay at home luckily. But I am too the point of disgust with my SS13 & SS9. I don't like them at my house, I prefer for them to not interact with my DS, I just enjoy life when they are not involved and when they come around, I am MISERABLE. It sounds horrible but its true!! I fell in love with DH years ago and I was excited about his kids and then they got more involved in my life and that excitement lessen to the point of just disgust and unhappiness. My son was born with some medical issues and my focus has always been on him. So I appreciate being a SAHM even more! Skids are in my son's face the entire time they are here and its a complete overstimulation. Both ask him for hugs/kisses literally every 5 mins to the point that my son tells them NO and pushes them away. We have told them to not ask so much and just let him do but they do what they want. SS13 thinks he is a parent and constantly repeating my direction to my son and it drives me up the wall. Sorry sweetie I need no help in being a parent!! I've discussed multiple times with my husband about this so I can be sane and he agrees then the next weekend we have them, its right back to square one!! UGH!!!!!!! To make matters worse, this all is really affecting our marriage. The time we have them, we both are SO unhappy, short tempered, and unaffectionate. I tried to talk to DH today and now we are not speaking to each other. I know he is offended that I need time away from skids but I have held that in for years and I'm sacrificing my happiness for him. We rarely fight about anything else but constantly fight when it has to do with things with skids. I feel so overwhelmed with these feelings. I truly believe skids will be the end of our marriage... 
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I know how you feel. Truely.
I know how you feel. Truely. Dh and i have been together almost 10 yrs with dd8 and ds5. I was so over protective of dd when she was born. I didnt even want sd around her. Sd is 12 now and i still dont trust her around our kids. Except when dd was born, sd was not affectionate; sd hated dd. Even to this day i know that sd doesnt like dd. Sd has tolorated ds5, but i dont think she cares for him either. And also like you, i am so short tempered and just grumpy when sd is around...BUT dh has full sole custody so sd is here almost 24/7 so i am struggling to keep sane.
I contacted a counselor a few
I contacted a counselor a few weeks ago but waiting to see what my insurance covers and what we can afford at this point! Even if I go alone for awhile. I try to do separate activities when they are around or head to do errands with my son.
No advice, but just
No advice, but just reassuring you that your stepsons behavior is not normal. It's wierd and clingy. I have a 2 year son and 11 twins, while they do interact occasionally through out the day, it's not anywhere near the over the top shit you're describing. All 3 of my kids have their own interests, ,my 11 year olds have full normal lives that includes lots of socializing with friends their age, not clinging like weirdos to a 2 year old. My 11 year olds have very rarely tried to be bossy or parent my son, I cut that shit out real quick. It's disrespectful. Your H allows these two boys to be bossy,,disrespectful little weirdos.
I find it odd as well. I'm
I find it odd as well. I'm not saying they shouldn't want a hug or to say ILU but literally they are playing cars and keep saying 'DS can I have a hug.' over and over again. Its so overwhelming that at 2 years old my son says NO. I do not want him to be turned off of affection bc of skids over stimulating him. Even DH noticed it and has told them to back off so they do for the moment or day and then its back the next time or weekend we have them! It drives me crazy bc my son shouldn't have to validate their existence, they need to get that from their parents in my opinion! Yes DH pays attention to them, a lot of attention. And SS13 when he tries to parent my kid, I constantly say stuff. Example is, ' DS please eat and stop playing (at the table in his highchair), SS13 will then follow up with ' Eat your food DS'. Like I just told him that you don't need to reinforce anything. ALL THE TIME!!!
I never had children but I am
I never had children but I am with hatemyhusband. This does not seem normal. It seems they are bored and/or hungry for love. They are boys. Does DH do boy things with? If you were the one to watch and give them attention before DD was born, this may be a factor. With DD now, you do not have as much time with them.
I need more facts. I am just guessing. Is DH working or glued to the TV most of the time they are their? What is their relationship with their mother.
It maybe DH needs to spend more time with them doing boy things. If your DH will go to counseling, it might just be the help you all need.
Hugs And Good Luck!
Yes my DH does a lot with
Yes my DH does a lot with them...plays games, outside when nice, takes them to do stuff when we have extra funds! And I try to plan things out of the house for just DS and me when we have skids so I have space. DH wants us all to do stuff and we do, we have a camper and camp a lot, we have season passes to a local theme park and do that as well. I do feel they are bored but they not only have separate rooms at our house but we made our basement into their area with all their things, games, TV, video games, etc. At their BM apartment, they live in a 2BRM with their BM, SF and Step bro and step sis and both boys share ONE room. So I feel at our house they should ecstatic to have space and freedom and not be in my DS face all the damn time!
I know we need counseling, hell I know I need for my own sanity right now!
My SD12 is the same way. She
My SD12 is the same way. She is a bottomless pit that can never be satisfied or made happy. She gets almost constant attention from my H, she gets the level of attention one would give a 12-18 month old. My 2 year old son is more independent and less needy than SD and has been for about a year or so now. H caters to SD every visitation. Going out to eat all the time, shopping, movies,,whatever she wants. This has been going on since she was 4 years old, probably longer. I can honestly say she has made no progress towards independence from 4 years old to,12. Nor in her social skills, as she's never ever had a friend.
I'm sure you thought it would get better as they got older. I know I did way back when. The last time visitation was in the house, at 11 years old, she was following her dad from room to room, like a young toddler. Even waiting outside the bathroom for him to come out, like a toddler. Constantly talking, monopolizing her dads time. It's downright wierd,
I don't know the answer, but obviously the parents have failed their children in a major way for boys their age to be acting like that.
OMG SS10 is the worst. He
OMG SS10 is the worst. He stands outside the bathroom when DH goes in and has since day 1. DH has told him to stop and that he needs to entertain himself sometimes. SS13 at least does do stuff on his own. SS10 is constantly checking on DH. He needs attention and I get it but it annoys the hell out of me. And he is the one CONSTANTLY in my son's face! But both boys are constantly asking my son for a hug or in his face when he is trying to play independently! He at 2 is capable of it where a 10 year old isn't. Baffles my mind!
WOW! It sounds like you all
WOW! It sounds like you all are trying too hard. There is BM,SF and 4 kids living in a 2 bedroom house. That is tight. Have things change in anyway at BM's, that you know of? I am confused now. It sounds like Christmas when they come to your house.
I hope a counselor can give you some insight.
Not sure how we are trying
Not sure how we are trying too hard. YES that many people living in a bedroom APARTMENT! The only thing that has changed at her place in the last year their step bro went from staying there every other weekend (on their weekends) to living there FT. So on s full time basis, 3 boys (step bro 14, SS13 & SS10) all share a small bedroom. But their behavior has been like this for years! Yes its like Christmas at our house but yet they are up DH and my son's ass!