The beginning stage of healing.

I no longer feel the intense stress I had been feeling every day. But I became so used to the constant chaos that I still am irrationally anxious all the time fearing something crazy will happen even though I know that SKs are gone and not coming back.

I have become less moody and withdrawn. Yesterday was the first time since I can remember sitting in my own living room and watching a movie.

Normally I would sit out in the living room for maybe 20 min and would quietly leave due to the aggravation and go to my room for some solitude and to try and relax before bed.

SO has been here but for some reason that I truly don't know I have been distant and unaffectionate. I can't tell how or what I am feeling right now. It's almost like after immediately experiencing a traumatic event. You are numb. The actual thoughts and emotions related to the event haven't hit you yet.

Wicked stepmo.'s blog
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I'm not surprised you're

I'm not surprised you're distant and unaffectionate with SO. He has put you through a lot of trauma with his kids, and he hasn't been a good partner. Pulling back seems like a defense mechanism and anticipating the inevitable. Frankly, I'll be surprised if your relationship makes it through this. Your lives are now completely different - you are finding peace and he's descending into more chaos as he becomes more responsible for his completely out of control daughters, and without you there to support him and be the scapegoat. If he can't leave his kids alone while he's working, I'm not sure when he's going to have much free time, because it wouldn't be right for him to stick his mother with his kids when he's NOT at work. There's too much time between now and when those kids aren't minors. I hope whatever is best for you works out.