Donkeykong's Priorities
It was a bit awkward, sitting right next to DW and Donkeykong (yes, I sat in between them) listening to the teacher explain to us what SS’s behavior is like in class.
Every once in a while, I looked over at DW and Donkeykong. Both were as downcast as Sicilian nuns at a funeral. I don’t blame either of them. Here they are sitting in close proximity to each other for the first time in years listening to teachers explain how their bright tall bundle of joy is “not so bright” after all.
SS is easily distracted,
SS needs to organize himself better,
SS needs to learn to ask for help,
SS needs to come to the tutorial sessions,
SS needs to hand in his homework,
SS needs to review his class notes,
Ect.
At the end of each interview, I even asked the teachers to kindly summarize what they said just to reinforce what I have been telling DW since last year.
“So, if SS says he has no homework,” I asked. “He should STILL be reading, going over his notes, and studying?”
“Yes! Absolutely!” The teacher replied.
We honestly weren’t expecting Donkeykong to be there. He usually doesn’t go to the parent teacher meets but he was there and he actually suggested that we all stick together so that the teachers need not repeat themselves…and you know what? Despite the situation being awkward, I am glad he suggested it because it “was” a good idea.
WAS….being the operative word there, not to signify past tense….
The VERY NEXT DAY, Mr. dumbass sends us this email.
“DW,
I just got a very lucrative deal on a cruise next summer but I need to book it now. I know I am supposed to plan my family summer vacation around your summer vacation plans, but I was hoping you would make an exception for this instance. The dates are August 1st to August 14th.
Donkeykong”
DW showed me the email.
“Eff no.” I said. “What if SS has to go to summer school again? You and Donkeykong heard the teachers. If SS doesn’t buckle down, get help and treat school more seriously he will quite likely fail AGAIN.”
DW agreed.
“Donkeykong,
Unless I know that SS doesn’t need to attend summer school again, I cannot agree to any summer vacation plans yet. I think this is a good time to discuss getting SS the tutoring help he needs. I cannot afford this without you sharing half the expenses.
DW”
Here is what the prick replied.
“DW,
I was there at the parent teacher interview with you and Drac0. No teacher said he needs tutoring. I told you before that I will not split the cost of tutoring with you since he does not need it. This has nothing to do with summer vacation. Now can you please give your consent to allow me to take SS on this cruise I have planned. I need to book it this week.
Donkeykong.”
DW forwarded this to me at work.
I damn near blew my top.
It’s bad enough I have to argue with one parent to get SS on track.
And you want to know what the icing on the cake is? After giving him seven-loads of sh*t for failing that class and explaining to him what it takes to get into Computer Engineering, SS actually WANTS to go back to tutoring….
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Comments
Doesn't his school have any
Doesn't his school have any before or after school tutoring or AIS or something of that nature that SS can do before you go down the road of paying for a tutor?
Donkeydickwad is a moron... EVERY kid could benefit from one on one tutoring but most especially tall, lazy, not so bright kids like SS15. :?
They do, but it is "peer
They do, but it is "peer tutoring"; meaning that senior kids tutor the younger kids. SS tried it last year and it was a bit of a disaster. The very first session, they sent him to the wrong classroom. And SS doesn't have the presence of mind to go to the principal's office to ask where the right room is.
Email all the kids teachers,
Email all the kids teachers, ask them each to send an email to BOTH of the parents stating "SS needs to be in tutoring" and if he still refuses... advise him your going to mediation and while your there will request a CS review as SS is showing signs of "special needs" in behavior and appears to be learning impaired.
Then send him a copy of your state statutes on "special needs" child support. Most states state if a child is found special needs those special needs can cause CS to increase to significantly higher than the state mandated amt.
Since the guy doesnt CARE about the kids education... put the fear of his wallet into him.
SS actually DOES have a
SS actually DOES have a prescription.
His father still won't foot the bill.
I did try to get the teachers to write a statement to that fact but the most they will state is "Tutoring will help". The teachers here are deathly of putting anything in writing that may potentially harm their careers
But I think DW has enough ammo to take Donkeykong to court to get CS modified. She's actually looking into it now as I type this.
Right, but you also have to
Right, but you also have to factor in guilty DW. If SS complains that tutoring is toooooo hhaaaaaard, it will all be for naught.
I thought about it
I thought about it Rutherford. I thought about it long and hard.
DW and I talked about it too.... DW appreciates my help but my help should be a LAST resort. This is SS's father's responsibility and DW believes that at this juncture a motion for a CS modification is in order.
OMG, Those are the EXACT
OMG, Those are the EXACT PHRASES on SD16's report cards for YEARS now. And of course the BM will do nothing about it nor will she allow Chef to do anything about it. . .not that Chef would say "boo" to the gargantuan BM as he's scared shitless of her.
And there's NO way the BM would spend ONE RED CENT of her massive CS on tutoring!! But they do manage to go on uber vacays throughout the year. Hell the BM shouldn't even be called custodial seeing that OSS moved out in August and SD practically LIVES over at her friend's houses all during the week and weekend.
So Donkeykong is pretty much the same as any other average non-parent. :barf:
Dear Donkeykong,
Thank you for caring enough about your son's future to think a few days cruise is more important than a lifetime in which education will be sorely needed. In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.
Sincerely, DW
I guess it's disengage time for Drac0 because you have a guilty DW plus a disney Donkeykong on your hands. Too bad for the tall one.
So... If SS needa summer
So... If SS needa summer school, but he's going on the cruise... Make it SS's choice between cruising and repeating a year.
That way you don't have to fight DK. Let everyone know (DK and SS and DW) that thems the breaks. Take summer school (which was obviously easy for him) off the table as a clean up option.
I know you're counting down the days til he's out of your house, but this might be a good motivator!
>Make it SS's choice between
>Make it SS's choice between cruising and repeating a year<
I honestly don't think SS is smart enough to make the right decision there. Remember, we're talking about a 15-year-odld toddler who still cries, expects to be tucked in at night and thinks the sun rises in the south.
Drac0 could also get DK on
Drac0 could also get DK on board by saying, Sure! Book the cruise! But if he's failing you'll lose your money. He'll have to go to summer school.
SS isn't motivated by DW crying, and he doesn't seem to think much of you getting mad and then her protecting him.
Maybe DK's wallet will win the day.
He still gets tucked in at
He still gets tucked in at night? That one of my fears with SS8. Being bigger than BF and I and still expecting to be tucked in.
Well, at home. At school he
Well, at home. At school he smokes pot behind the portapotties. Lol.
I don't know, I think getting left behind his peers may be a real motivator. Obviously you know him best.
You bring up a good point
You bring up a good point Ladyface. SS does need to have his nose forced to the grindstone. But after the assessments that was done it was clear that in certain subjects he was either 6 months to two years behind. He has the comprehension skills of a 12-year-old. So he does need tutoring, as much as he needs his butt kicked.
And you have to wonder, what
And you have to wonder, what are the odds that both of those necessary things will happen? DW never has really been on board as she does the classic guilty parent backslide/180 so you know that when the going gets tough, the guilty/lazy parent will give in/up.
I agree! The BM in my case
I agree! The BM in my case went doctor shopping until she got a "learning disabled--other" title for SD16 way back when.
Seems SD can pass a 100 question driver's test with no problem (read: incentive-driving)
Yet she pulls scores well below failing in all of her subjects because she was never parented. She skips school to wild abandon. Still she gets rewarded with overnights at her friends house all during the week. Never told that she has to apply herself, or else consequences. BM is too busy being her BFF.
Peer tutoring is actually a
Peer tutoring is actually a great tool and you should give it another shot. In my town, the peer tutoring can also happen OFF school hours, the tutor can come over or the student can go to the tutors home.
We used a peer tutor various times for my son and he always picked the smartest kid to tutor him and it really helped A LOT. And it was FREE and the peer tutor got volunteer credits for it. Win win.
I'll explain summer custody
I'll explain summer custody in a nut-shell.
By the CO, Donkeykong gets majority custody over the summer break. We actually have NO (as in 0, nil, none, nada) weekends with him over the summer. We do however get two whole weeks with SS. Unfortunately, the way the CO is worded, it is not clear as Donkeykong believes that the two weeks we have with SS should NOT include weekends. Yes, you read that right, how do you get two weeks and NOT capture a weekend in there, I don't know, but this is Donkeykong we're talking about...
The only bright side to the summer schedule is that DW and I get to plan our vacations and Donkeykong has to wait until we plan ours before he plans his. This year he is asking to plan his before we plan ours.
So either way, I still don't see SS much over the summer...
Why doesn't he just go back
Why doesn't he just go back to court and request set dates for the summer? I can understand him wanting to take advantage of the discount. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to save money?
ExDF's court order says he has his girls from 5:30pm June 28- until 5:30pm July 31. That way neither parent has deal with the other being an ass when it comes to planning summer vacations.
DW's CO is pretty messed up
DW's CO is pretty messed up as well.
Here's an example. "For Easter Holiday, custody of the child shall be split evenly between mother and father".
Here's a question for you. What do you think is "Easter Holiday?". Would you think it is between Good Friday and Easter Monday? That's what DW and I took it as meaning. Oh but no, in Donkeykong's world, Easter "Holiday" is just Easter Sunday.
The WHOLE of the CO is written in ambiguous terms and is subject to interpretation. Even DW and Donkeykong's lawyers were scratching their heads and went to see the judge for clarification. Judge threw them out! Fucking ass! I'm willing to bet judge was probably too embarrassed to see that the CO he wrote is shit!
How do you feel about your
How do you feel about your wife forwarding the emails from DK and getting you all worked up, instead of her just dealing with DK directly (as they are the parents) and coming to a decision either together or even her on her own to deal with it?
She seems to REALLY rely on you to help her parent SS.
I am not sure how much
I am not sure how much tutoring costs... I know my friend is a teacher and she advertises on Craigslist to tutor kids $30 an hour I think??? but anyways as a mother if I thought my kid needed tutoring to help him succeed in school I would be making sure that it happened. Doesnt matter what the other parent said or if they were going to chip in.
>May I assume she gets
>May I assume she gets CS?<
Yes. About $200 a month.
Tell me about it. And this
Tell me about it. And this was calculated when DW still had a job. Since the CS was calculated, DW lost her job ut got a new one at less hours and considerable less pay. Donkeykong got a promotion and a raise last year.
Why hasn't she requested a
Why hasn't she requested a modification?
The amount he pays is pretty low, BUT he is doing what the courts ordered. If she feels it should be higher, then it's her responsibility to go in request they review the order.
GEEZ!! Chef has 3 kids by the
GEEZ!! Chef has 3 kids by the BM.
She makes 45K a year
Stepdaddy makes around 85K a year
I make 45K a year
Chef makes 32K a year
Chef pays $1,000 a month and that's the LOWEST it's been. His wages have NOT changed by more than $400 annually in ten years. In fact they've gone DOWN! And it goes till each child reaches at the very least 21. When they divorced, BM was an "entrepeneur" for about 12 months total at her failed bakery which went down the tubes in that year. She listed her salary as "10K a year"
Then when they went back to court, BM had gotten a froo froo job as a CPS worker and she had her computer saavy husband photoshop her receipts to make it look as though she were paying enormous daycare (when in reality, her mother was watching them for free) I'm pretty sure a paystub was photoshopped here and there as well.
NO ONE, not even Chef's attorneys caught the overpayment of CS i.e. Chef paying 100% of orthodontia and not 50%. It was NEVER reimbursed per the CS magistrate (who is a personal friend of the BM)
I wish I had my cell camera
I wish I had my cell camera app ready whenever DW tells people how much she gets in CS from DK.
I can't tell you how many :jawdrop: :? :sick: :O she gets....
SO, the best route is to file
SO, the best route is to file an IMMEDIATE upward mod to something normal and New York Statesque like say, 1400 a month. Then DK won't be able to AFFORD cruises and you can use the money for SS's tutoring (and parenting classes for DW!!)
From your mouth to
From your mouth to Maleficent's ears
And ESPECIALLY NEVER BREED in
And ESPECIALLY NEVER BREED in NYS if you are a guy!!
You're right! Chef just
You're right! Chef just rolled over and didn't even get an attorney! He thought that mediation would be fair!! Even the mediator told him he should get an attorney when the BM came up with the 100% in her favour so called "mediation agreement."
EVERYONE told him to get an attorney and he wouldn't because he didn't "want to drag his kids through court." (watching too much TV and hollywood movies)
Everyone tried to tell him that his kids would NOT be dragged through court. He wouldn't listen.
Now he says "I didn't knoooow because I had neeeeever gotten divooooorced beeefoooooore"
I have to roll my eyes.
SS was in tutoring last year
SS was in tutoring last year and was showing some improvement, but the problem was he was signed up too late. He had two months to try and catch up on a year's worth of work.
I told DW at the beginning of the year, SS needs to continue with the tutoring. I am no educator but the way I see it, tutoring is a bit like medication you have to take regularly. Even when you are healthy you still need to take it. SS marks started improving so DW decided to forgo tutoring despite my advice because that would mean fighting with DK over half the cost.
Hmmm...Let's see. Let's say
Hmmm...Let's see.
Let's say SS fails (which is a very high possibility at this rate if nothing is done). SS has to go to summer school in order to get promoted to the next grade but won't because Daddykins wants to take Tall-One on a cruise. That's another year in school, meaning another year he gets to live under my roof on my dime.
Yeah, you're right. Color me as a control freak for not wanting that to happen.
I still have nightmares of SS
As I said before. It may come
As I said before. It may come to that.
Yes, SS needs a swift kick in
Yes, SS needs a swift kick in the rear. I won't dispute with anyone over that. BUT SS needs help as well (tutoring). If Donkeykong can afford a fancy two-week cruise, then he can damn well afford half the cost of tutoring for HIS son.
I'm I the only one here who gets this? To me, it's about priorities, you don't install a hot tub when your roof is split open and leaking. KWIM?
I never said DK isn't allowed
I never said DK isn't allowed a vacation.
I never said DK isn't allowed a vacation with his son.
What DK does with SS on his time is his business. I always respected that.
What I am objecting to is letting DK get first dibs on the summer vacation (when the CO clearly states otherwise) BEFORE knowing if SS needs to go summer school....I mean really....Play with SS's future just so DK can take advantage of a seat sale?
Yup. That's the stance DW is
Yup. That's the stance DW is taking. She is sticking to the CO, but this isn't over. Donkeykong is still going to beat his chest about this.
I wonder if he'll still be beating his chest once DW files for CS modification though.
DW only wants what is fair.
DW only wants what is fair. In fact, she didn't want ANY CS at first, because she felt that would just cause bad blood for nothing. But now she feels different.
Donkeykong doesn't want to pay for anything. School trips, school supplies, tutoring, etc. All these costs are supposed to be split between the parents but Donkeykong doesn't want to pay for any of it. He actually had the gal to say that his $200/month should cover all that.
But your wife plays with his
But your wife plays with his future year round. She isn't doing her part to ensure he excels in his classes. It sounds like you expect his father to do something in a few weeks during the summer that your wife can't/won't do in 10 months during the school year.
I am sure you can picture in
I am sure you can picture in your mind what my household is like
I am chasing after DW to get her to chase after SS to get his studies done.
DW is chasing after SS to get his studies done AND chasing after DK so he can foot his share of the tutoring bill.
Meanwhile, BOTH me and DW are chasing after Scrounger and Cooler King to thwart their next great escape attempt.
Our lives are a graphic novel. All that's missing are zombies....
>As for the cruise, isnt most
>As for the cruise, isnt most summer school in june or july?<
School board won't release summer school schedule until after school is out. And it always varies. I guess it depends on the availability of teachers? I dunno.
Brilliant!
Brilliant!
A brilliant notion....I just
A brilliant notion....I just wish I could get you to meet Donkeykong and SS in person. The likelyhood of them bonding is about the same as a parsnip bonding with a turnip.
Did your wife find out when
Did your wife find out when final payment is due for the cruise? Based on the dates you posted, I would assume final payment is due between the first and second week of June? If you're in an area where the school year ends late May, early June, then the summer school decision should be made before final payment is due.
Dad should be able to pay the deposit now to lock in the discounted rate, and make the final payment next June. If he purchases travel insurance when he books (or within a week of booking) then he can drop the kid from the reservation after final payment without penalty.
I have no idea. All I know is
I have no idea. All I know is DK has a "good deal on a cruise but has to act now".
Oh that's right! I forgot you
Oh that's right! I forgot you and your hubby were going cruisin'
He does deserve credit for
He does deserve credit for that one, dtzy. Great story.
DK didn't seem bothered one
DK didn't seem bothered one bit that he had to relinquish his custody time so that SS could attend summer school last summer. He just went on his summer vacation without SS. In other words, he didn't lift a finger. His attitude was basically "Yeah, whatever...."
So when he actually showed up to the parent-teacher interview, there was a smidgen of hope there that he was actually getting involved. He even asked the teachers a couple of questions. I do not exagerrate when I say that this is the MOST I have heard this guy speak in over 9 years!
So the hope I was seeing was really just fleeting. Lights are on but nobody is home....
Rutherford, Donkeykong is a
Rutherford, Donkeykong is a non-compromising lazy ass. Plain and simple.
He does not care about anything or anyone besides himself. The only times he will do something "good" for SS is if it requires minimal to no effort on his part (I'm speaking physically and financially).
Examples:
"Sure, SS can go to this party. Oh wait, does this mean I have to drive him there? Then no."
"I'll make sure SS does his project on the weekend when he is with me. Oh wait. You mean I have to take him to the library and purchase material he needs? Then no."
He has calmed down somewhat over the years. In the year leading up to and the few following years after the CO was imposed, he was being a complete dick over EVERY. LITTLE. THING.
Flu shots
Halloween
classmate Party invitations
Summer camp
Cell phone
Bed times
Pick-up and drop-off times
Who was picking SS up and dropping him off
Winter clothes
School pictures
Holiday custody schedule
Psychological assessments
Learning assessments
School Bus Transportation
School supply fees (he won't pay his share of those even though court documents clearly says he has to)
School field trips
Karate Classes
Trips out of state (Again, CO states that parents are supposed to notify the other when one plans to take SS out of state. We have done so, Donkeykong never does)
In the first year that the CO was imposed, there were angry emails flying about EVERY WEEK. Now it's down to every other month.