Try to remind yourself that he's not his BM. A lot of people (myself included) have let their feelings for BM impact how they feel about their step kids (sometimes subconsciously). Try to make an effort to not do that.

He is not his mother. You are not his mother.

You say this feeling came about 9 mths ago when co-incidentally your daughter was 3 mths old and starting to interact with her environment.

Time for a mind-flip... you are a role model. You will have a positive impact on his life. You are like Auntie Mame (look up the movie with Rosalind Russell - Mame) or Mary Poppins... firm but fair.

No one says you have to love your skids like your own. That is impossible. Accept this as a fact. My DH says he loves my kids like his own. I don't have the heart to tell him I do not feel that same about his boys. I CARE about them, I love them like I love my nephews. But like my own sons? No. Sometimes I think he loves my kids more than I do!

As he is a boy-child encourage your DH to spend man-time with him. When he comes in to show you something he and his Dad did respond with something like "Wow! You must have had so much fun with Daddy!"

And maybe find something he likes that you like. Jigsaw puzzles. Pixar movies. This little boy is your daughters half brother. remember you have to love him at least half because he has 1/2 your daughters genes.

Did something happen 9mths ago when this started? Maybe you should address that... I agree with above though, kids can be annoying at times - even when they're your own, but when they're someone else's...it's harder to be patient. Just remind yourself what you told us here, take breaks and get out with your DD when you need to, and I read a post on here once where the comment was "Pretend they're your best friend's kid.." you don't have to treat them like your own to enjoy them and play with them. Take a step back and look at yourself...because you didn't always feel that way.

I feel you. My SKids aren't as horrific as many on here. The oldest had some rough years, but nothing they ever did was malicious. Just normal difficult miserable teen stuff.

That said, I don't like them. I certainly don't love them and I really kind of don't even like them. The oldest and youngest especially. Just soulless, self absorbed, materialistic, self important morons who like to hear themselves talk and think they are AWESOME.

So yeah, I feel you. My guess is, it took having a child of your own to realize what you *thought* was adoring the SKid didn't hold a candle to how you would feel about your own child. I'm just guessing, I don't have any bios. But when I see the magical gleam in DH's eyes as he glows over the fact that his SKid somehow remembered to breath today I know that there must be some sort of magic in the love of a bio child. Because I don't see it.

My SD23 was also not a bad kid at all. It was the whole situation that annoyed me and the situation was not her fault.

I just had to get to a level of acceptance. She was DH's kid, he loved her, she was not a disrespectful little brat (that came later) and we knew from the get go not to say anything of importance in front of her, not that that always keeps them from talking and repeating things that they THINK they've heard.

It wasn't easy but I came to not dread the weekends we had her (vodka helped) and I was really relieved when it was time for her to go home but I didn't hate her or even dislike her. I just wished she didn't exist; that the situation didn't exist. But it did so I learned to accept it. And I dreamt about the day CS ended, contact with BM ended, and visitation ended.

It really helped that DH was a very hands on dad. I didn't have to do anything for SD, I mean, nothing.

I feel like you and I are in similar situations. My SD6 is a good kid for the most part. I dislike having her around but it isn't because of her personality or her behaviour. It's a combination of my husband's crappy parenting and his expectations of what my role should be in SD's life, along with a lot of animosity from BM and GBM.

My SD also betrayed me like your SS did by telling BM too many things about our lives and embellishing stories to make it sound like we're horrible people. The big problem that came from this is that BM and GBM take everything SD says to BM's lawyer and accuse my husband and I of doing terrible things. It's because of this that I don't want SD around. We don't have anything to hide, but these normal everyday things are being taken out of context to make it seem like we've done something wrong. My husband won't do anything to combat it (either legally or simply by talking to SD to tell her what she's doing is wrong) so I've been having a really hard time on SD weekends.

So yeah, my SD is a nice enough kid in general when she's here. But I don't trust her at all and because of that I don't like having her here.

My two cents, for what it's worth, come from the perspective of a realization I've just recently had in my life. Is it possible, that your frustration actually stems from your husband's treatment of your stepson? By that, what I mean is, does your husband treat your stepson as though he were special? Particularly since your child was born? Are you quietly wishing that he would speak up more and correct your stepson? Or are you vocally asking him to step up more and he isn't doing it? Does your husband's family dote on your stepson as though he were an amazing creature just by breathing?
I didn't realize that I was married to a Disney dad until recently, and upon reflection I can tell you that so many issues where I felt frustration and anger towards my stepchildren, had quite a bit more to do with their father's behaviour towards them and the situation than I realized. Just a thought…

I have more or less the same issue with Ss7: he's polite, smart and loving ...too loving! He's so clingy that craves attention ALL the time and does nothing by himself.
He's always telling me how much he loves me and he's actually a great kid; we get along fine, but I must admit I feel like a lousy person, as I don't enjoy the time we spend together. The problem is that when he's at home, I become invisible: DH is focused on his son and I just don't exist. I should be happy to participate in Ss activities, but I long for grown up stuff and not for watching Lazy Town on TV.
I'm having a really hard time, have mixed emotions and should seek professional help to help me cope. If you are not at this stage yet, I advise you to disengage when you Ss is @ your place: go shopping, get a facial done, gardening, tidy your place, anything!
If you are alone with you hubby longer than you have SS staying with you, grab a calendar and signal the days alone with a bright color. Place it in plain sight; maybe it will help you realize you have more time with hubby than he has with his BS and it will mellow you down. Good luck!