DH has commented several times about how impressed he is with the thoughtful and helpful advice we got from STalkers and how much time it must have taken people to write these things. Original thread is here: http://www.steptalk.org/node/204061 on General Discussion forum.

He has even started picking up the lingo! Lately he has been talking about "BMs" and referring to ours as, well, "BM!" It's making me laugh and I though STalkers would enjoy it, too.

He has asked the school to require Dr.'s notes and to become more assertive about SD15's absenteeism. Kid will get called in probably today and get a talkin' to by some truancy official at the school.

DH talked to the school counselor, the first time without BM present, and she told him flatout that she predicted nothing would change at this rate. He told her we were thinking about changing schools but was afraid of the disruption to SD15 and the counselor gave him a lot of agreement that it would be very disruptive. HOWEVER, she ultimately told him that's exactly what her own family is doing! (a failing kid being retrieved from BM to go to school from Dad's house)

So DH got the message that such drastic action is probably recommended as we have now had two school officials admit that's how their own families are preventing a kid from failing school and absenteeism.

SD15 behaved quite well at our house this weekend (still pinching myself) but as soon as she gets back to BM's she is refusing to answer her dad's texts about anything but offers to go to the movies. I was so proud of DH when he told me he didn't think that was right and asked my opinion. I said if it were my kid, I would not accept such contempt. He had me repeat that statement twice. Then he took action. He warned her not to do it but she kept it up. So this morning he told me he was going to get a 20 dollar I-don't-know-what-you-call-them phone that only has limited use on it so we can still leave her alone in the house for a couple hours if we wanna go out. She will simply no longer have the use of her iphone at our house. SO proud of him!!! You have to realize this is him taking the horns after 2 years of us doing hard work as a couple, he has come so far.

Last year I spent the whole school year suggesting (ok, nagging) he check the school portal to see her grades rather than rely on the kid's word (rolling eyes, yeah, I know). He had such faith in SDthen14 that he didn't actually do it until the end of the second semester and what he saw appalled him. He saw it just in time to force her to get her grades up to just barely above Fs for the final grades.

This year, he flies through the door when he comes home from work and goes straight to his laptop to check on the daily progress at school and then swears and vents about what he sees. Every single night. So I've kind of created a monster! Ha! But so much better than the monster he and BM were creating.

Nevertheless, this morning he found out one of her math assignments is so late now that the teacher won't accept it. I said make her do it any way. He said, "It'll make me seem mean." !?!*%$#?! So the Popularity Force is still strong with him. I told him it will just incentivize her to drag things out if she can avoid doing h.w. entirely by missing the deadline. She still needs to learn the material and she still needs to learn that Dad is in charge of her not arbitrary outside things.

I am just pleased as can be that he has taken so many things to heart, including STalk. Some of you have to hide your participation here or take flak for it. I want you all to know there's one man out here who is marveling at your collective wisdom and spirit of generosity! And "getting it!"