More financial questions
Kinda OT but does relate because of the CS issue.
I make a good bit more than DH does and money has always been an issue with us. He is a spender and pays CS and never has any money because of that.
Our bills are more than he can afford (his half) but I've always accepted that and I pick up his slack.
I dont feel like he tries to be frugal or cut expenses because hes now used to me making good money and benefits from that.
My issue is a credit card that he has, I encouraged him getting one to help his credit score (thanks to past with BM his credit was shit).
The limit has been increased by the company a few times and apparently he has been using the card more and more without me knowing... I thought that he was using it for gas or emergency only stuff, apparently I was wrong.
It came out that he missed a payment because he doesnt have the money.. I was pissed because he could have just asked me to make the minimum payment ($25!).
I'm considering telling him to give me the card and Ill pay it off and be done with it.
I anticipate us moving in the next few years and need him to not make his credit any worse than it is!
I dont really know how to handle being the breadwinner of the house while he pays BM and unnecessarily spends money on stupid stuff.
He may think that he contributes a good bit to our household but he forgets that I pay for all extras and anything that relates to our 2 kids.
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We sit down every 6mo-1yr to
We sit down every 6mo-1yr to discuss bills and where money is going.
I show him the total of all the household expenses and we look at how much his paychecks are etc.
We take the total expenses and figure out how much he can contribute without leaving him with nothing.
Obviously he has to have money for gas and I accept that he should be allowed to get a coke at a gas station if he wanted to.
This is the reason we dont share money, the house is only in my name and I pay all the bills (all are in my name).
I've noticed he is used to 'living fluffy' lately.. like he'll assume we're eating out for dinner.
We just had another baby and with a 2nd daycare payment coming soon, I've been cutting wherever I can.
I never expected to be the one that made the money and I'm really not sure how to act. I dont want to be a control freak but I just think its weird that hes ok benefiting from me working hard.
I am all for being
I am all for being independent, but I could not be with a man that couldn't pull his half of the burden. Your a better woman than I am. I think you need to take the CC away from him and pay it off. But, he needs to know expenses are going up with the 2nd kid that he had with you and he needs to cut away some of the extra spending.
Not sure I'm understanding
Not sure I'm understanding one of your statements above -- the house and bills are in your name so you pay them all? Or are you saying they are all in your name but your DH contributes?
I used to be in the same situation you are -- my house(mortgage), my bills, etc. DH moved here from his tiny 2 bedroom low-rent apartment. Once I started making more money than he did, he started spending more on his kids... always wanting to go out to eat on the weekends they were here, always offering to pay for this or that, yet still paying over $1300/month in CS. And a lot of it would not be discussed with me beforehand, I was either told afterwards or one of his kids would "slip" and bring it up at dinner (Hey dad, about that computer you said you'd buy me....)
I sat down and created an excel spreadsheet... on the left was his income/debts and on the right was my income/debts. After his CS and paying for his truck, gas, etc he'd have around $100 left over for the month (and that's with contributing NOTHING to savings). So how, exactly was HE going to buy a $800 laptop for his son when he barely came out with pocket change at the end of the month??
I separated finances and told him he was on his own -- we didn't own anything jointly so if he didn't pay a credit card it wasn't going to be my problem. Lemme tell ya, he was hurting. Bad. The plethora of skid gifts dried up like a raindrop in Death Valley and they just couldn't understand why!!! We didn't go out to dinner unless he could afford to pay for himself AND his kids, and I changed my paypal password so he couldn't order stuff off of Ebay or anywhere else that accepted it.
It took about 4 months of this for him to realize that he has to pull his own weight even though we both work. And although it was assumed in his first marriage that if one brought home the bacon only the other one could eat it, it wasn't that way in this household.
That was 5 years ago. Things have been just fine since (except his FICO did take a hit the first month).
I wouldn't be able to handle
I wouldn't be able to handle this. My husband is bad with money - he makes a lot but he spends it just as fast as it comes in. We keep our finances separate because of the CS he pays and because I don't want BM to be able to come after my money for any reason.
Lately my husband seems to think he can tell me how to spend my money - he criticizes me for big purchases I've made. Every time he brings up something that he thinks is a waste of money, I point out that the $1800 that goes to BM every month is the perfect example of what a waste of money really is. Then he shuts up.