You are here

Get Your Shit Together

whatthesebootsaremadefor's picture

Submitted by whatthesebootsa... on Wed, 11/05/2014 - 8:08pm

Someone actually built a website for all this. Another lady lost her husband and they hadn't finalized their plans, and she went through the same hell I'm going through.

Hope this helps, if anyone's partner is still on the fence, show em this!

http://getyourshittogether.org/

I, meanwhile, am trying to get my shit together. It's not going very well. I've barely worked, and I'm still trying to find daycare. The last price I got was $320/week. It's insane. My income isn't low enough to get help with it, and even with SSA benefits I couldn't afford that and housing to meet our needs around here.

The lawyer doesn't want to let me walk on the house just yet. There might be enough left over after a sale to pay her, which would be good, because she's expensive. So, I'm meeting with a realtor Friday.

A bit of good news - the 401k has me as the beneficiary. Not sure yet how much will be left after the $25k loan DH took out of it to "pay for our wedding" (the wedding cost $5k, dunno where the hell the rest went!). Guh. At least it's something.

SS is now in BMTOWN. They got him a puppy, and it has my name. He's facetimed me at bedtime a bunch of times now, which is magic. I miss him, but so glad he seems to be settling in over there.

The stress is just getting worse and worse now that everyone is gone and back to their routines. I kind of wish I'd just get fired so I could take unemployment for a couple of months until I'm stable again. I know it's going to take at least that long. It's like I have three full time jobs, and each one is completely intolerant of the fact that they aren't my only focus.

Comments

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Wed, 11/05/2014 - 9:39pm

I am so sorry. DH and I have been married 4 years and still no will. DH wanted me to be a housewife. I stayed work for 14 months after we married to save for a car. I had foot surgery on both my feet at the same time to save money. I also had disabllity insurance that was $3700 tax free money that helped with the deductibles. I got my ass chewed out for that. DH's insurance out pocket is $4500 and my was $1500. If I been dumb and quit my job ASAP as DH wanted, I would had to wait a year for surgery. His insurance had a pre-exciting clause.

I have no children. DH has 3 adult child. We live in Louisiana. With no will, they inhert 100% of there dad's assets. I am beneficary on his life insurance and his 401k. If he lost his job, there would be no life insurance. His 40lk is not shit.

I feel your pain. I am sorry.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 11/06/2014 - 6:31am

I'm sorry for your loss and all you're going thru.

My first DH passed when my kids were 3 1/2 and 5, so I know what you mean about time off, bills, lawyers, blah blah blah. I was fortunate enough to have great co-workers and a great employer, I was able to take 4 weeks off after the funeral to basically get my shit together. This was not an unexpected event, my DH had a terminal brain tumor that had been diagnosed 4 years prior (I was pregnant with my youngest at the time).

And I know what you mean about everyone going back to their routines... it's like, at the time you'd like some alone time (at least I did) right after the death and the funeral everyone is around constantly. But give it a few weeks after things set in and you'd like some human interaction, everyone is back to their normal lives.

Take care, and things will find a way to straighten out.

When one door closes, another one opens. But sometimes, we spend so much time looking at the closed door, we miss the one that has opened for us (paraphrased quote from Helen Keller).

Hugs.