F OFF FRIDAY RANT AHEAD:

I am SO PISSED and frustrated and hurt by SO. Things have been great with us, for the most part. We've been together 3.5 years almost, and he bought my engagement ring last Friday (I know because he told me and I had to go in and get sized). He's been very excited, talking about getting married, etc nonstop since then.

Backstory, BM1 lives about 20 minutes from us with SD14 and SD11, who we have one day a week for dinner, and EOW as well as school functions etc. BM1 is not crazy AT ALL. I actually have a lot of respect for her and we get along great. I have spent kids' family dinners with her and her parents (SO's ex-in-laws) many times. BM1 and I text (about the kids, or sometimes a recipe or something) or email and have never had a fight or any discomfort of any kind.

THAT BEING SAID I still like our separation. She does not insert herself into our lives AT ALL. She is reasonable, respectful, and truly puts the kids first at all times. She discusses any major decisions (like signing the kids up for activities) and any expenses with SO ahead of time. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but we truly couldn't ask for a better BM.

Then last night, we were at her house to pick up and drop of the skids for our dinner. We always go in for a bit and chit chat. After dinner, we went in to chat because I wanted to take the girls 2 nights next week....Wednesday is SO's 50th birthday, and Thursday is our normal dinner night. BM1 specifically asked us to take SD14 and SD11 to dinner, then her acting class and entertain them until after class as she is hosting a charity event that day, which we agreed to. I wanted to ask for another day, which BM1 happily agreed to.

Then SO opens his BIG MOUTH and says "BM1, why don't you come to my birthday dinner! You were with me for my 30th and 40th, you should be there for my 50th!" I stare at him with my eyes bugging out of my head. They have been divorced nearly 10 years, wtf.

I can tell that BM feels awkward and she looks at me and is like "Oh um, yea, I could come, um I could drive the kids there I guess" I could tell she thought it was weird too. So I just put on a fake smile and was like "Perfect, I'll include you in the reservation and I'll text you the details"

When we got in the car, SO saw my face and was like "What? Are you mad?" Convo went something like this

Me: "YES I'm mad. Why the F would you invite your ex-wife to our family dinner!"
SO: "Sorry, I didn't think it was an issue, I felt bad"
Me: "Felt bad WHY?"
SO: "Because we were talking about dinner plans right in front of her"
Me: "We do that every week when we take the kids to dinner and decide where to go, it is not an issue, and I highly doubt she expected to be invited or even wanted to be"
SO: "Well it's a family dinner so I thought I should invite her"
ME: "SHE IS NOT YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!"
SO: "Well she's the girls' mom so she is family"
ME: "NO SHE IS NOT! She is the girls' mother. She is THEIR family, not yours. I am going to be in your family. The girls are your family. Your mother, who will be visiting us from England during that time, is your family. YOUR EX-WIFE IS NOT YOUR FAMILY"
SO: "Well her and my mother get along really well so she should come"
ME: "GREAT so your mother can spend the whole time talking to her, and comparing us" (I've only met his mother once this summer, when she visited from England. I was only with her for 3 days)
SO: "Whatever fine, I will text her and uninvite her"
ME: "No, that would make it worse. I don't want drama with her, I just want you to know how I feel. And I'm hurt and upset and pissed"
SO: "Well how about this? Who's birthday is it! I should get to spend it with who I want!"
ME: "WTF?!?!?!?!!!!! If your EX WIFE is who you want to spend your 50th birthday with, you can certainly spend it with her! ALONE!!!"
SO: "I thought you didn't want drama? I statement like that is drama!"
Me: ***SILENT FUMING****

When we got home, I stormed out to the grocery store and then angrily texted my girlfriends about needing a drink, but the two I texted weren't available. Then I went to bed at 9:30pm so I wouldn't have to look at him. He made no effort to hug me, say sorry, talk to me, nothing. Just came in and went on his side of the bed later that night and went to sleep.

We talked about it this morning and he said sorry. I get where he's coming from, feeling bad that she's left out, but I really don't care. She doesn't need to be included. He understands that this is nothing against her as a person, I like her, but now I have to censor myself (can't make a lovey-dovey toast) and even worse, hear stories about his 30th and 40th birthdays from when they were married. When we are with the kids, he is constantly telling stories about when they did this, or that, or were living here, or your mom (BM1) didn't like vegetables until she was 30 etc etc etc.

Instead of talking about the present and building OUR relationship, we are living in the past with the skids. It bothers me sometimes, even though I try not to let it.

I'm hoping BM1 will realize how weird and uncomfortable the situation is and make up an excuse not to come to dinner. She is smart and pretty saavy, so we'll see. SO knows it was wrong. I'm having a 50th birthday party for him next weekend and I invited BM1 and her parents (it is a casual affair with a mix of friends, family, work colleagues etc). He claims he didn't know this, even though I told him I invited her at least 3 times. Hopefully she realizes the party is enough and doesn't come to both.

Sorry for the long run on rant...