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THE VERDICT

krfergy's picture

Submitted by krfergy on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 5:11pm

So for 5 years my fiance has had some worries that his daughter is not biologically his. So has his family. She doesn't look like either parent. I think he waited so long to find out because he was scared and felt guilty getting a DNA test. Anyway, he finally decided to get one and he finds out the results on Wednesday. Waiting is rough. I am worried about how he is going to react. Or when to tell his daughter or what happens after he finds out. It's a sad situation. Especially after her being 5 already.....Any thoughts? Advice?

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krfergy's picture

Submitted by krfergy on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 5:57pm

I think his daughter's mom has some inclination but she will NEVER fess up unless the test results come back negative. She has told my fiance a few times that the child isn't his in anger and it's been said recently that's why my fiance finally got the test done. He did not tell the mom about it and won't unless he is not the bio parent.

krfergy's picture

Submitted by krfergy on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 6:35pm

I will be very shocked if she turns out to be his biologically. I don't think either of us would want her not to be though. When she was born he told me that he felt like he was holding a stranger. I found that sad. But he has also been a great dad to her. I think he just wants to know for personal reasons if she is biologically his or not and for medical reasons in case anything happened later in life. I don't think that this is a secret that can be taken to the grave though. I totally blame the BM. She is an awful awful human being.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 6:18pm

Super tough and painful situation. FWIW, an old friend of mine recently revealed to me that he had reason to suspect his younger daughter may not have been his at the time of the pregnancy. He vowed to get the baby tested as soon as she was born. BTW, I was in shock as he told me this story because I knew his late wife and I know the girl.

He said he never did get the test because when she was born, "I fell in love with my child."

The "child" is now in her late 20s and she looks exactly like her mother but nothing like her dad. My first knee jerk reaction when he related this to me was, "Never tell her! Never ever!"

Have no idea what to do when the kid in question is five.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Mon, 09/15/2014 - 7:52pm

We did it when SD was around the same age (she is DH's). It took about a week to come back & my DH was sweating bullets. BM had moved illegally and I could not spend the kind of money needed to bring it to court if she was not his. We did it without BM's knowledge. MY DH said he felt so much better afterward but was too nervous to do it beforehand.

Stepintime0111's picture

Submitted by Stepintime0111 on Tue, 09/16/2014 - 6:34am

I think kids deserve to know who their biological parents are. I can't imagine how I would feel finding out as an adult (because it WILL come out eventually) that my parents lied to me my whole life. Whether your dh wants to be in her life or not is his decision, but I think he and the girl have a right to know.

Ljcapp1's picture

Submitted by Ljcapp1 on Tue, 09/16/2014 - 8:43am

This happened to my brother 'LP'...His mother lied to my dad, and back then there was no DNA. My dad said he always knew LP wasn't his, but raised him as his own anyway. When LP was 40-something his mother finally told him the truth. It was VERY hard on him and everyone else. I felt sorry for him not knowing his 'real' father all those years, and then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere. It's not good to lie and hide biological parents from kids. It's cruel...

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Tue, 09/16/2014 - 10:10am

Every child deserves to know who his or her biological parents are, even if only for health reasons. Sooner rather than later. If your DH has been her "father" all along, there's no reason that should change. In most states, as long as his name is on the birth certificate, he has legal rights.