DH said, "I think about hurting you, and doing awful things to you"
He didn't mean it in a "50 Shades of Grey" way either. He meant it in a "I hate you" kind of way. He was telling me how upset he's been with me and how angry he is... Apparently he's been really f-ing mad at me lately. I knew things were strained between us and that he has been distant and abraissive at times. But, that was a total dager to the stomach to hear him say that. He wouldn't say in much detail what he thinks about. But he said that he thinks about it a lot, even when we're not fighting and that he thinks horrible things. WTF... that's like seriously disturbing stuff.
I have to admit that there have been times when we've been fighting that I have thought about hitting him ... but he described something much worse than that. As if he's at his job or whatever and suddenly thinking about hurting me... Ah.
He's been calling me names pretty freely lately (pretty out of character for him). But he's not a violent guy or anything. I don't feel like he's going to kill me or anything like that... but I wonder if I should be worried about that???
It's just f-ing weird and scary...
I don't know what to do or think ladies, thoughts?
- snowdrop's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Get The FUCK Out NOW. Call
Get The FUCK Out NOW. Call 9111 and fucking leave!!
MY ex said this to me three days before literally trying to kill me. He was charged with attempted murder.
GET OUT NOW.
why are you even questioning this?! LEAVE!
seriously your ex said this
seriously your ex said this to you also? it's soo strange... how did he try to kill you? was he violent towards you before then? my Dh has never been violent towards me.
He came out of no where one
He came out of no where one day and punched me in the face a few times (had to remember how many) and then strangled me until I passed out. Luckily, at the time, a girlfriend of mine and her boyfriend were coming over to take me out for a girls night, they pulled up and the guy heard me scream and ran into the house, and commenced to beat the shit out of my ex.
My ex never specifically tried to hurt me. It was always on "accident". Like running my foot over when I was getting in the car once, Or knocking me off a ladder while I was cleaning the gutters. Once he even broke my pinky by smashing it with a hammer when I asked him to put a nail in the wall. Always "accidents".
And it wasn't mean when he said it the first time. He said "I wonder what would happen sometimes if I choked you. Would you die?" and another "Sometimes I want to smother you in your sleep, and then bring you back and ask if you saw anything."
The 2nd time, I started packing my things. That was the night before he attacked me.
Edit to Add: I told him I was going to a girlfriends house the night I was packing. So no, dont tell him anything, just dont be there on night. And NEVER go back.
Thats why I say you need to leave NOW. No talking about it, no staying one more night. Get out and go NOW.
holy cow! that's terrifying
holy cow! that's terrifying dexter style sh*t. We've been together for over 5 yrs. he's never said anything like this before or tried to hurt me (no "Accidents" either...) maybe he snapped and is nutso now... I don't know. I know he's under a lot of stress... I also know that what he said was really disturbing regardless of stress....
urgh.
WTH???? Why are you wasting
WTH???? Why are you wasting time trying to figure out the hows and whys of this?
It's time to pack your shit and leave.
for the purposes of full
for the purposes of full disclosure I spit on him during a fight a few months back. he said he's still upset about it and attributed his thoughts to me spitting on him (though I apologized and we spoke about it with our marriage counselor. we don't see the counselor anymore though) it was messed up that I did that, but it was 4 months ago. and it doesn't seem to explain the ideas he's having about "Doing horrible things to me."
Gerr. That time is so
Gerr. That time is so confusing. He said the first thing one night, and I just kind of ignored it. Then he said it again the 2nd night when I was packing and the next day I was leaving for a "girls night" and thats the night he attacked me.
You need to read this
You need to read this specifically the part of Fantasies. All of this includes emotional abuse also.
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:
Cycle of violence
Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
"Normal" behavior – The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.
Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.
Wow, best thing I've heard in
Wow, best thing I've heard in a while. Making note of this quote. I hope you are listening to everyone here OP. If my SO said that to me, I'd send him packing right then. Time for us to split.
If he said these things to
If he said these things to you, please leave and don't look back. In fact, leave and don't tell him where you are going. Once you are gone, I would cut all contact with him. About ten years ago, I had a friend whose boyfriend started making little comments like that. She left him. But, she kept in contact with him. About six months after they broke up, he tracked her down. Her story had a very tragic ending. I don't think a normal person says things like that. I know its cliché, but better safe than sorry.
Please put aside any feeling
Please put aside any feeling you have of being implicated due to spitting on him. Yes that was appalling. But that was quite a while ago. He's using your guilt about that to acclimatize yourself to his thoughts. Go. With no warning. I advise women in this position legally in my work. I see what happens next. Go.
I wish I still had the blogs
I wish I still had the blogs up in my history about this stuff. Anyone who remembers my story knows that my soon to be ex started with "All I see is red and I want to stab you". I left the first time that night. I went back to roses and sunshine for about a month and then all hell broke loose and it got 100X worse, right up until he got in my daughters face (she is 6 btw) and told her he was going to make sure that she never saw me again.
Get out now. Make your arrangements and keep them to yourself. Get out quickly and quietly.
Yep... that was me.
Yep... that was me.
Oh honey, I am long gone. Me
Oh honey, I am long gone. Me and my kids are awesome!! Divorce will be final next month!
I would separate from him for
I would separate from him for your own safety. Share with people close to you what his thoughts have been and get your self a back up plan should he attack you, involving those you shared with. I would be looking to go back into counseling with him to work out this issue.
But he's not a violent guy or
But he's not a violent guy or anything. I don't feel like he's going to kill me or anything like that
Um honey, is this not what most people have said about many serial killers?? Not saying your DH is a serial killer, but I am saying that if he is making a statement like "I think about hurting you and doing awful things to you" that is just fucked up. AND to actually VERBALIZE this thought??
I rarely tell people to run, but honey you need to get your running shoes on and run Forrest, run!
I'm serious. I have done a
I'm serious. I have done a lot of studying serial killers (I know some may think this rather morbid or strange) but the topic truly fascinates me. Yes, some serial killers like Charles Manson for instance are just flat out loony and have never really lived a "normal" life. But I can tick off a WHOLE BUNCH who people thought were as "normal" as you and I, who were married, who had children, who had jobs etc. BTK killer, Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy OMG I could go on and on and on.
Oh and wait, let's not even limit it to serial killers how about the seemingly "normal" husbands who snapped and killed their wives and or children... Scott Peterson, Darren Campbell and on and on and on.
^^^ Exactly. You think, well
^^^ Exactly. You think, well he wont cross this line... and then he does, so you move the line. You think, he won't dare cross the new line... and then he does. It only gets worse from here. Take it from those who left men like yours. Trust us.
That's the first step,
That's the first step, fantasizing about it.
The worst thing I ever did to
The worst thing I ever did to my DH was to move out on him with no warning (he was verbally abusive and drank way too much). He went through treatment and counseling and we reconciled.
He never EVER EVER verbalized such fantasies of physically abusing me. There is something really wrong with this guy. And WHY, even if he had such disturbing thoughts, would he TELL you?? Either he's very stupid or he is trying to make you feel threatened as a way of controlling you.
I hadn't thought about that.
I hadn't thought about that. Maybe he did tell me as a way to control me. He has been nasty lately and mean. I know it sounds crazy but I really don't think he would hurt me but I could see him being manipulative and playing mind games. How lovely. You're right, everyone's right, why the f would he have told me this. It's f-ing nuts.
Get out of there now. Move.
Get out of there now. Move. File for divorce. Get a restraining order.
NOW.
Pack up your shit and leave him.