Pandering to BM and SS, or simply being "nice"?
I have long since been tired of the dynamic that DH does all the leg work for BM. She lives about 40 minutes away, and he drops off and picks up nearly 90+% of the time. For a few years, it was 100% of the time. Sometimes now BM will bring SS back, but only because he has to go to work. A few times she's "had headaches" or the infamous "car trouble" and needed SS picked up with a moments notice to make it to work on time. Him doing all the leg work has been going on for YEARS.
So, I was already peeved that tonight he was taking SS to be dropped off at the Metro (even further) to meet BM who would be just barely on time so she could take him to see a concert in the city. I commented that I thought it was some bullshit that if she wanted to take him someplace special she couldn't pick him up, but whatever. Then DH says that he has to go BACK to the Metro late tonight to pick up Sweetum's, I mean SS, so he can get home earlier. You know, because it wouldn't take his BM the SAME EXACT AMOUNT OF TIME to drive here from Metro than it would him? But again, whatever.
So now DH calls me to tell me that GASP (insert eyeroll) suddenly something has "come up" and BM can't make it but since DH is already there he will take him. Huh? So first he tells me she can't make it because her dog is sick and it cost a lot of money. Ok- but the tickets are already paid for. How does that matter? Then it's "Oh, well the dog is sick so she has to stay home"... which I would buy except that SD already went up to agree to dog sit said sick dog. How many people need to watch the dog who is so deathly ill the vet discharged it with no diagnosis?
Now don't get me wrong- I LOVE animals more than people. But I also worked for vets for many years and #1- if it went home it ISN'T THAT SICK, and #2- one adult is plenty to watch a somewhat nondescriptly ill dog.
I just RESENT that DH will eternally drop every single thing to cater to BM and not have SS disappointed.
I feel like if it was HER plans, and if SHE can't make it, plans should be off. Period. Am I overreacting?
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DEAR BM, PLEASE SEND DH BALLS
DEAR BM, PLEASE SEND DH BALLS BACK NEXT TIME YOU BRING SKID OVER.
Tell him he should stay at
Tell him he should stay at BMs - with his balls.
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Best of luck to you - remember to put your needs first.
Have you gotten the "taking
Have you gotten the "taking the higher road speach?" Thats what my FDH says to me anytime I start bitching about him jumping everytime FSD or BM say anything.
Disengage!!! That's what im doing! Our arguments were more that anytime she doesn't want to pay her half for her brat he wants to just do it.... now that im in the process of disengaging I am starting to careless.
It's always "what's BEST for
It's always "what's BEST for the KIDS" with glaring look of how-can-you-be-such-a-horrible-woman-as-to-not want-the-kids-HAPPY??????
Wait though, what if this was
Wait though, what if this was the plan all along?
That did cross my mind as
That did cross my mind as well, but I don't think so because I would have absolutely no objection to DH taking SS to a concert. They don't do much together. Their "time together" typically involves SS locked in his room online and DH with his nose in facebook.
He and BM had a family, now
He and BM had a family, now the two of you are committed to each other. For them to remember thier old life together and how their kids grew takes nothing away from you! I know it stinks but it is the role you and I are both in and we have to suck it up and just deal with it. They will always share the child.
SO now it is the morning
SO now it is the morning after, and DH has chosen to make this - in his mind- about me being jealous that he spent time with SS thereby further fueling the "You HATE my kids" warfare.
I have explained till I am blue that this has NOTHING to do with SS and everything to do with kowtowing to BM and needing to swoop in to clean up her messes.
Whatever. We discussed giving up last night. I don't think either of us know if there is anything worth hanging on to anymore. This dynamic is so deep and so pervasive and is so seeped into every cell of our life. I don't know if it could be undone. It was all my fault. This dynamic of "family" being him/skids/BM was in place while we were dating. I stupidly thought I would become family when we married. How foolish of me.
DH of course feels I am completely included. Yeah... when I come after BM and the SKids. I asked him to give an example. Ready for it?
*I should feel included because I decided SS should have two chores he must do, and DH sometimes will enforce that.*
Really.