I miss my Mommmeee... question for the more experienced
So the recurring theme at our house is that when SD is told to do something she doesn't want to do, i.e. go to bed, eat her dinner, clean her room, wear weather appropriate clothing, etc., she gets all teary-eyed and whines "I miss my Mommy". Now, I don't have a problem with her missing her Mom, I'm sure she does sometimes & that's o.k. What I do have a problem with is that this ONLY ever comes up when she is unhappy with what she is being asked to do or is being disciplined for not doing something she has been asked to do.
DH & I aren't sure how to handle this. We don't want her to think it's not o.k. for her to miss her mom or that it's not o.k. to tell us that she misses her. But, it really isn't o.k. that she uses it as an excuse to try & get out of doing what she's been told. How do you explain this to a 5.5 year old? I mean, we don't want her to feel like she's being punished for "missing her mom" but we know that's not the real reason she's upset. She literally never tells us she misses BM any other time.
BTW, she calls her mom once a day when she's with us. Also, this doesn't happen every time - she is usually pretty good & does what she is told with no problems. This happens more when she is tired/hungry/bad mood. Thanks in advance, ladies!
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Would this work? SD, can you
Would this work?
SD, can you put your shoes on?
I miss my mommy ::tear tear::
Ok, well let's get your shoes on so we can do xyz and when we get back it will probably be time to call your mom?
But I miss mommy nowwwwww ::tear tear::
It is ok to miss your mom right now, but can you miss her and put your shoes on at the same time? Also, remember what I said, after dinner you can call your mom and tell her.
This is exactly how I used to
This is exactly how I used to handle it.
She probably DOES miss her
She probably DOES miss her mommy at such times, but this is an attempt on her part to get you to back pedal and go easy on her. We had the same from SD17 when younger, who now has a diploma in manipulation.
I would suggest you say - "Yes, OK you may be missing your mommy now, but think of all the great things you will have to tell her when you see her!" keep it light hearted is my advice - acknowledge what she is saying, but don't change anything because of it.
It doesn't end! FSD is 11
It doesn't end! FSD is 11 and sometimes does this. She's a good kid, just looking for some sympathy. We tell her it's ok to miss her mom, however that has no bearing on xyz behavior and that her mom wouldn't let her behave that way either.
My SD7 would try this too
My SD7 would try this too when she was 4/5.
We would say "It's ok to miss mommy but you still need to do XYZ right now." If she didn't listen she would get a time out for not following rules
You must be very clear "You are in time out for not listening".
SD "But I just miss my mommy"
ME/DH "Just because you miss mom does not mean you don't have to follow rule XYZ right now. It's ok to miss mommy but it's not ok to use that as an excuse to not follow the rules here, now please go brush teeth/get dressed/go to bed"
If there's more whining we would take away toys/privileges for that day or next day.
She didn't try it much after missing out.
SO's kids tried that we were
SO's kids tried that we were clear "You can call mommy but she doesn't make decisions here and your still going to do what your told and still in trouble you mom won't change that, if you still want to call her after your time out then you can." they never want to call her after that.
We would also offer to call
We would also offer to call mom after task was finished or in the morning if it was bedtime. SD never wanted to actually call her when we offered on our terms.
My SD11 STILL acts like that.
My SD11 STILL acts like that. And since Mommy and Daddy allow her to decide if she wants to come for visitation, Disney Dad doesn't make her follow any rules because she told him she "doesn't want to come over because we have rules" and he won't risk her not coming. :O